You can check out my latest for Michael Fiore’s blog where I talk about things guys believe about attraction that keep them single.
We have just released our newest book, Size Doesn’t Matter: The Short Man’s Handbook of Dating And Relationship Success. This is a book that many of our clients and readers have asked for.
Let’s be honest. In the “dating game” shorter guys are at a disadvantage. (Lack of) height is almost always a main reason short guys get rejected by women. Some women are vocal about their lack of interest (and sometimes outright hatred) of shorter guys. Online dating is particularly bad, and many women pre-sort any guy who isn’t tall.
Add this to the reality that in virtually every movie and fairy tale the hero is usually a tall guy (at least in comparison to the girl) and the male villain is often short. Many people even openly mock short celebrities like Tom Cruise for his height (there are actually good reasons to poke fun at Cruise…his height isn’t one of them though).
Yet, we all know shorter guys that get all kinds of female attention (Cruise included). What do these guys have that other short guys don’t? Well, we explain this is Size Doesn’t Matter. We include over 280 pages of top-notch, science-based tips that will give any guy the power to become more attractive to women, and make up for the height disadvantage. This book is empowering for shorter guys, and includes a great appendix with funny and confident “come backs” for when women (and men) use short stature as a put-down.
The feedback we have gotten from this book has been very positive, and even taller guys that have read it have said the advice is spot on, for everybody.
Last week’s Bachelor in Paradise (I half watched it while doing other things; don’t judge me) provided some great insights into the dating game, especially for guys. Although I’m not a huge fan of these shows, this one does provide an interesting and intense look into the dating dynamic.
Let me give you the relevant backstory.
There were two guys trying to win “roses” from women. They had to get a rose or they were eliminated from the competition. One guy supposedly ruined his chances with one of the women by telling her she drank too much. She was indignant. She asked another guy, a “nice” guy if she drank too much (directly to his face). He said “no.” He assumed he was getting her rose. The other guy assumed he would not.
In the second scenario, another guy was dealing with a girl who had a crush on him. He friend-zoned her in favor of her friend. He told her friend that he would refuse the rose of the other girl, the one he friend zoned. It was implied that the girl he liked would then give him a rose.
So, these scenarios seemed cut and dry. However, the dating game never is straightforward. Here is what happened: the girl who got mad at the guy for accusing her of being a drunk? She gave her rose to him, not the nice guy. And, the guy who agreed to turn down a rose under the assumption the other girl would give him one? He turned it down from the girl he friend zoned. But, the girl he liked didn’t give him the rose.
What should have these guys done? It depends on their goals. However, if they wanted to stay on the show and win the affection of the various women, here is what I believe should’ve happened.
In the first scenario, the guy who more or less called the woman a drunk had edginess and boldness on his side. That’s always a plus even if he’s being a bit of a jerk. But, I believe the nice guy ultimately ruined his chances. He failed a woman’s direct shit test (this is where a woman gives a guy “shit” and how he responds determines his value to her). As weird as it sounds, he shouldn’t have agreed with her. He should’ve been funny or witty about the response to her question. He gave her the answer she wanted to hear, but he came across as a butt kisser. So, he said what she wanted, but he still gave the wrong answer. Yes, women are complicated.
In the second case, the man, Dylan, did the right thing from a moral perspective. He was loyal to his word and followed what he thought was right. He wanted to be the one girl’s friend only, so he refused a rose. And he made a tacit agreement with the other girl. He was direct and logical. It’s too bad that, first, this is a game, and second women aren’t always direct and logical. What should he have done? He should’ve taken the rose from the first woman. She already knew where he stood, so he didn’t lose any sense of directness. And, it would’ve made the second girl very jealous.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and of course the Bachelor is particularly ruthless. But, it mirrors some of the harsh realities of dating for the average person, as well.
This Saturday I am running my third Tough Mudder. A lot of my friends wonder why I would go through a race that involves jumping in an ice bath, getting shocked by electricity, and crawling through miles of mud–and pay for the privilege. However, the race itself is bigger than just attempting to prove something about physical fitness. It’s also about proving mental toughness. That is likely why the race emphasizes teamwork and finishing rather than actual race times. You have to be tough across the board to make it. Most people don’t even attempt it.
However, having a tough mentality isn’t just about a one time race. It’s important in life. It’s also important to be popular and successful. Life is tough at times. It throws out a lot of shit that can knock us off our feet. It can be any type of struggle. Even those of us who supposedly “have it together” aren’t immune to the struggles of life. There are times we want to give up. And, that doesn’t mean suicide. It means settling and being miserable.
I’ve noticed in my teaching and counseling experience that there are generally two types of people: those who fold during adversity and those who are competitive fighters. The folders never did too well in either school or their counseling progress. Those who had the toughness experienced the same struggles but had different results: they never gave up and generally succeeded. Even if they failed initially, they got up and tried again.
It’s not easy to get a tough attitude. And, it doesn’t mean you don’t have empathy or aren’t a cool person. It just means that you don’t give up and you’re a fighter. When life and institutions and people try to get you down, you stay strong and tough and stand up.
You don’t need to do a 12 mile mud run to prove it either. Toughness is really proven not in a race, but in the trenches of life. When adversity comes your way in life, having a tough mentality makes sure that you go right back at it…even tougher.
Desperation can be a powerful motivator for change. A guy without a job and facing eviction is going to be much more likely to bust his butt finding a new one than someone living comfortably if simply in his parents basement. Sometimes it takes a little desperation to be really successful in life.
When it comes to dating, confidence, and developing the skills necessary to be successful in general, what would it take for you? Maybe you’re just comfortable enough. Perhaps you find a lot of success. Maybe you’re lonely and frustrated to the point of giving up. What would it take to make you finally step up and change your life for the better?
Having confidence, getting dates, overcoming shyness, etc. are all things that can be taught and learned. While people might be born with more natural confidence and charisma, anyone can do better and find more social success. However, most guys are either ignorant of that fact, dismiss it as nonsense, or haven’t reached the point where they want it badly enough.
So, what would it take for you? Maybe you’re already to the point where you’re more than willing to change your life for the better. Whatever it takes to get you motivated, let us help. Visit our blog, check out our books and media, and look for our upcoming endeavors.
Dating over 40 brings with it its share of challenges.
David was recently interviewed on Last First Date by Sandy Weiner about this important topic.
Check it out, including the transcript of highlights.