The Popular Man

Father’s Day is coming up, so I thought I’d list a few things I learned from my dad that influenced me positively. Obviously, I learned more than three, but I thought I would keep it simple.

1. Humor Is Important For Social Success

When I was in high school, a particular teacher was known for pretty much letting his kids roam free. He was the teacher of the Occupational Work Experience  class. Theoretically, students got experience working around the school. Often, it just meant kids wandering the halls with little to do. The school newspaper asked me a “question of the month” type of thing, which was “how can the school deal with over-crowded classrooms?” My response? “Let every student join the OWE program so we can just wander the halls all day.” They published it, and the elementary principal saw it, laughed, and immediately said “that sounds like an answer his dad would give.” I am not sure of the high school principal’s reaction…

Everyone loved that response, even the teacher. The other answers were boring and serious, but not mine! Dad always uses (appropriate) humor. I have seen him impress and entertain people around him, winning them over and putting them at ease. I learned a lot of it from him.

2. It Is Important To Take Risks

I am a pretty naturally “safe” person, a trait I probably get from my mom. However, my dad is more of a natural risk taker. He doesn’t take dangerous risks per se (at least not since the 1960s!), but he does understand their value, and takes them socially and in his work. I have seen him take on new projects that I thought were too risky only to turn out successful. I used to think dad was too risky; Since I underwent a personal transformation a few years ago, I see his decisions in a new light.

3. Charisma Matters

Charisma is a compelling attractiveness or charm in others that makes others want to follow them. In a lot of ways, this website is about making guys completely attractive, i.e having the skills and traits to attract others in all ways: romantically, friendships,  and even at work. Pure logic would suggest following people based on charisma is a bad idea, and certainly bad people have used charisma. Nonetheless, humans are programmed to follow people with a certain set of quality traits. I have seen people be crazy loyal to my dad. He treats them well, but man are they loyal. People love him. He is well known locally and when I mention I am his son, people always beam. Even when he makes tough decisions, people still seem to love him.

If you know a dad that needs a reboot, or that you think would love to be more charismatic, fun, confident, etc, I highly recommend our book Be Popular Now: How Any Man Can Become Confident, Attractive and Successful (And Have Fun Doing It). It is never too late to become the guy you want to be. Do your dad a favor. Give him our book.

Image courtesy of ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If an alien race were to do a study of certain households they would think that men are optional or even non-existent (beyond sperm donation or the occasional “boyfriend”). With the  increase in single motherhood (which is also father absenteeism), divorce, and other cultural factors, men are becoming rare in the family life of many kids.

But it’s not just the men who shirk their family leadership duties that are the problem. A good number of men are also abandoning any sense of leadership in the community. They prefer living with their parents, playing video games all day, and prefer online p0rn to being independent, pursuing their own career path, and getting real dates.

I don’t want this post to sound too critical of men who aren’t living up to their potential. This isn’t meant as a “men need to step it up” type rant. As a libertarian I’m not going to tell others how to live their lives. Not only that, but society is in many ways creating underachieving men (feminized educational system, gutting of the US manufacturing base, mocking manliness in popular culture, etc.).

However, as we focus on Father’s Day, it’s clear that fathers are very important to the raising of children. Studies have shown over and over again that children without fathers in their lives are more prone to a host of negative behaviors and outcomes. And, it’s not just a single mother issue. It’s also two parent families where the fathers are absent for one reason or another.

I’m also hear to argue that children need real men in their lives. I’m not talking about brash, macho jerks. I mean boys and girls need fathers who are the alpha male providers and protectors. They need dads who are confident, attractive (in the broad sense), and assertive.

Children need fathers who can teach them about life, show them how to be successful, and stand up for them. They need fathers who can tell them the truth and keep them in line while still loving them. Girls need men who can show them the model of manhood to avoid the dangerous jerks out there. Boys need to see a confident, strong leader who attract others to his side (and do it later in life).

Sadly, lots of children see none of this. While mothers are essential and teach their children valuable skills, they can’t replace a man. As studies have shown, the father matters. Not a mother acting as a father, but an actual father. And, given the results of the studies, it’s clear to me it means a present, active father.

So, if children need real men, then be a man. I’m not going to get into some big macho discussion. A real man is an alpha provider and protector. He takes the lead in his family and the rest of the community. He’s strong and confident, but also kind and generous. Be this and let these values show in raising your kids and you’ll be a good father.

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This is the first of our fatherhood series being published this week in honor of Father’s Day (June 16th). Check back for the rest!

When I was younger, I had friends whose dads were really cool. In fact, my dad was considered one of the “cool dads.” These men were funny and actually taught us quite a bit about life (admittedly in an indirect way).

We looked up to these cool dads and I’m sure they received something from the relationship too. Likely, they got a chance to tell their stories and be a good (or at least fun) influence on the younger generation.

Lots of men with kids want to be a cool dad, but really have no idea how to go about it. They know that being a cool father will not only get them respect from their friends, but their own kids as well. Fortunately, you’ve come to the right place to be a cool dad. We explain how to be one.

Be Relaxed

Being cool means being relaxed and calm. Think about coolness; it really means calmness under pressure. Kids can be a pain in the butt and so can their friends. However, you have to be calm when dealing with them. Don’t get stressed out by their actions and roll with the issues.

Once when I was in high school, my friends and I were pranking people on the phone. A sheriff’s deputy came to the door and we quickly fessed up to his dad. The deputy was there for an unrelated reason, but clearly we were discovered.

His dad told us that we were pushing our luck in an age of caller id, but otherwise didn’t lecture us or lose his temper. And, we actually listened to him and respected him. Even when you’re ready to lose it, be relaxed. Be a cool father.

Be Attractive and Avoid the Unattractive

Ultimately, being cool to your kids’ friends means being attractive to them. I don’t mean inappropriately, just in the general sense of them wanting to be around you and liking you.

So, you’ll want to have attractive traits that others look for in men. These are confidence, humor, intelligence, good looks, high fitness levels, etc. I remember being very impressed with my good friend’s dad because he was in outstanding shape. And, we bonded over working out together.

If you want to be a cool dad then start embracing some of these high value traits. Our entire website is devoted to helping men achieve these values. So, have a look around at our different categories.

But, we wouldn’t be very helpful if we also didn’t list the unattractive behaviors that will make others think you’re an uncool father. These are: flipping out, being out of shape, meanness, judgmentalism, lack of humor, lack of confidence, etc.

It’s also worth mentioning here that trying too hard to be cool isn’t attractive either. So, as a dad, remember you can be trendy, fun, and cool, but don’t overdo it.

Be Funny

Humor is one of the quickest ways to win over anyone of any age. Plus, kids and teens are at that age where they still enjoy life and laugh a lot. If you can get them laughing, then you’ll be popular.

While humor is hard to teach, especially in a short essay, here are a few pointers. Observational humor is best. It shows you’re smart and makes the person hearing it feel more connected (because it’s their environment).

If you’re dealing with older teen girls, then gentle teasing is usually a way to get them to laugh. However, don’t be rude or have them think you’re serious. Always make sure they know you’re kidding as well.  An example would be, “I like that shirt. But how many cheetahs had to die to make it?”

Avoid outdated humor (remember, these kids are much younger), anything dirty (you can be edgy, but don’t come across as a creeper), or unfunny material.

Assertiveness is Cool

You still have to be a dad, even if it’s the cool dad. That means setting boundaries for your kids. You can be a friend to your child’s friends, but you’re also the adult. That means you have to stand up for what is right and safe.

Assertiveness is actually cool and attractive. So, if you have to assert yourself for what is right, then you’ll actually earn the respect of your child and his or her friends.

But, be assertive, not aggressive, passive-aggressive, whiny, etc. Be upfront with the child and the friends. If you have a good relationship with them and assert yourself in the right way, you’ll not only keep their friendship, they might even listen to you.

So, hopefully you can be a cool dad too. It’s actually rewarding to have the respect and admiration of young people.