Most people know about detox from alcohol, drugs, food, coffee, and other addictive substances. However, there’s another type of addiction that sometimes needs detox as well: love and relationships. Don’t laugh. Studies have demonstrated that the brain reacts to love in similar ways to other types of addictions.
What this means is that love, especially in the early stages can really mess up our brain chemistry. In fact, falling in love, at least in men, drops serotonin (the happy chemical) and testosterone (the manly, and oddly enough, calming chemical). It can also cause dopamine (pleasure chemical) levels to spike and fall.
The result of this? A lack of contentment, increased mania, and a desire to seek out the next love “high,” like an affirming text message. While these chemicals even out over time, in the early days of “love,” they can lead to horrible feelings and a lack of detachment and excellence. In other words, being too into women (or their pursuit) can make you horrible at actually pursuing (and winning over) women.
We recommend having a detox day from women every week. This doesn’t mean that you stop being around women (or getting some from your wife or girlfriend) or being on your game if you meet one. Rather, this involves spending a day a week not actively seeking or thinking about women.
So, if you have an online dating account, don’t check it. If you’re texting a woman all the time, don’t. You can tell her you’re super busy if you don’t want to be a jerk. But, that’s it. If you go out that night, do it with friends and the goal to hang out with them. Spend one day a week totally unfocused on impressing or pursuing the ladies. Cultivate a hobby, start a business, go to the gym, etc.
What’s the purpose of this? First, it’s to create excellence. As a man, you have to first focus on yourself. Better yourself, be excellent, become the person women desire. That must be your first goal. You can’t do that if you’re obsessively texting a girl and sweating bullets when she takes an hour to respond.
Second, detoxing from women and pursuing them allows you to be detached and aloof. These traits are very important when dating. You have to be excellent enough that the woman desires you more than you desire her. Confidence and excellence lead to detachment.
Now, you can still be nice, generous, friendly, etc. to women. But, by detoxing from the attraction part of the equation, you should help reign in your more beta traits (like oneitis, emotionalism, pity parties, etc.).
Finally, a detox day helps you achieve these traits every single day. That’s right. By taking a day a week to stop being so obsessed and dependent on women, you’re training yourself (and your lovesick brain) to pursue excellence and detachment full time. You’re able to slowly pull away from old brain wiring that keeps you dateless and instead come away as an excellent, aloof alpha male.
You may think it’s easy to be excellent and aloof without a slower process (like a detox day). Well, that might be possible. But, for many people, their old brain wiring (and the mental pain from changing that) stops them. This is a slower, but effective (longer term) technique to change your brain chemical reaction to women.