Always Assume Attraction

cute young couple

Image courtesy of marin/

One of the greatest tips we give guys when trying to get a girl is actually pretty simple: it’s assume she’s attracted to you. It sounds kind of ridiculous, but it actually works.

Is she staring at you? Giggling in your direction? Talking to you in a friendly way? Assume attraction.

Assuming attraction isn’t necessarily that easy in practice. It’s often because of a lack of confidence. Most guys, especially less assertive guys, typically assume a lack of attraction, not the other way around. As a result, they’re nervous around women.

Their brains are inserting all sorts of “cognitive distortions” into the mix, and they assume the worst: she is staring because he has a hair out of place, or she is giggling because she thought of a joke, or whatever.

And, that is why assuming attraction is essential, even if she might not be attracted, and here’s why.

First, you should assume attraction because it changes your entire interaction dynamic. Think about how a guy acts when he knows the girl already likes him. He can be relaxed and confident. His body language, speech patterns, and general demeanor are radically different. By assuming attraction he can automatically act in a way that is more likely to come across as attractive and confident.

Second, women are typically more passive participants in the whole dating game. Even the most independent ones still like to take their cues from the guys. If you set the friend “tone,” it is should be no surprise that you will get “friend zoned” (after all, it’s the only tone you set!). If you set an attraction tone, you still might not get the girl, but you’re much more likely to do it because that’s the way you framed the interaction.

Finally, attraction is not rational. It’s not even really a choice as we’ve pointed out before. So, by assuming attraction, you are making small changes in your body that you’re likely not even aware of.

This means your testosterone is likely rising. So is your adrenaline. Your brain chemicals are also shifting to make you more confident and attractive. By assuming attraction, your body is actually making you more attractive (chemically and otherwise). And, at the subconscious level, women are picking up on this.

What is she isn’t attracted? Well, so what? It just means you are more likely to be your best self in that interaction, versus coming across as insecure.

So, it’s vitally important to assume attraction when interacting with a girl. It will make you far more successful in the dating game.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.

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