About David Bennett

David Bennett is a teacher, author, and speaker. His articles receive over a million hits per year and have appeared in a variety of publications. He is co-owner of Theta Hill, a communications and media business, and he also writes for Popular Teacher, The Popular Teen, and other sites. Follow him on LinkedIn or Twitter.

Three Important Things I Learned From My Dad

June 14, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Father and Son imageFather’s Day is coming up, so I thought I’d list a few things I learned from my dad that influenced me positively. Obviously, I learned more than three, but I thought I would keep it simple.

1. Humor Is Important For Social Success

When I was in high school, a particular teacher was known for pretty much letting his kids roam free. He was the teacher of the Occupational Work Experience  class. Theoretically, students got experience working around the school. Often, it just meant kids wandering the halls with little to do. The school newspaper asked me a “question of the month” type of thing, which was “how can the school deal with over-crowded classrooms?” My response? “Let every student join the OWE program so we can just wander the halls all day.” They published it, and the elementary principal saw it, laughed, and immediately said “that sounds like an answer his dad would give.” I am not sure of the high school principal’s reaction…

Everyone loved that response, even the teacher. The other answers were boring and serious, but not mine! Dad always uses (appropriate) humor. I have seen him impress and entertain people around him, winning them over and putting them at ease. I learned a lot of it from him.

2. It Is Important To Take Risks

I am a pretty naturally “safe” person, a trait I probably get from my mom. However, my dad is more of a natural risk taker. He doesn’t take dangerous risks per se (at least not since the 1960s!), but he does understand their value, and takes them socially and in his work. I have seen him take on new projects that I thought were too risky only to turn out successful. I used to think dad was too risky; Since I underwent a personal transformation a few years ago, I see his decisions in a new light.

3. Charisma Matters

Charisma is a compelling attractiveness or charm in others that makes others want to follow them. In a lot of ways, this website is about making guys completely attractive, i.e having the skills and traits to attract others in all ways: romantically, friendships,  and even at work. Pure logic would suggest following people based on charisma is a bad idea, and certainly bad people have used charisma. Nonetheless, humans are programmed to follow people with a certain set of quality traits. I have seen people be crazy loyal to my dad. He treats them well, but man are they loyal. People love him. He is well known locally and when I mention I am his son, people always beam. Even when he makes tough decisions, people still seem to love him.

If you know a dad that needs a reboot, or that you think would love to be more charismatic, fun, confident, etc, I highly recommend our book Be Popular Now: How Any Man Can Become Confident, Attractive and Successful (And Have Fun Doing It). It is never too late to become the guy you want to be. Do your dad a favor. Give him our book.

Filed Under: Fatherhood

Dads: Teach Your Kids a Healthy Lifestyle

June 13, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Two runners and a walker on a paved pathI have been teaching “summer gym” for the last few weeks. It is fun to be called “Coach Bennett” even though I am technically not a coach of any sport at school. It has been an enjoyable and active series of days. From 7:30-3:30 I think I am just as active as the kids. Today I registered a whopping 30,000 steps on my pedometer. I also raced the students up the local foothill (elevation 1300 ft). Only one student remained as I reached the top. Then I played a few at tennis, beating a tennis team player in six games.

I’m not bragging (well maybe kind of!). But my point is that at age 35, I am in great shape. I eat right, watch my weight, and look years younger. In fact a few days ago, a student asked my age (she apologized that it sounded “creepy”). When I mentioned my age, pretty much every student was in shock.

My point is that it is possible to be in excellent health at any age.

And this relates to fatherhood because it is possible to be athletic and healthy as you age. The standard narrative I have witness is that people are healthy and in shape when they are younger (if they are at all), and then by the time they become parents, they gain weight, quit exercising, and start eating in a way that is “easy” but unhealthy. Unfortunately, just as it becomes time to become an example to the next generation, dads (and moms) stop doing the very things necessary to teach kids the right habits.

Unfortunately, as I was playing tennis and running, my daughter was in the ER for a hairline fracture. Nonetheless, I hope she always knows that her dad does what it takes to stay healthy and in shape, no matter what age he is. I hope she learns that there are great benefits to eating healthy and being active, in the way you look and feel. Dads have an important role in showing kids that you can be excellent at any age!

Filed Under: Fatherhood, Health and Fitness

Make People Feel Good

June 6, 2013 By Leave a Comment
father playing with son

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

There is a basic principle that will always make you popular.

Make people feel good.

If you make people laugh, smile, and feel romantic attraction, they will want to be around you. If your presence in their life gives them hope and excitement, they will want to be around you.

Popularity really is that simple, although making this happen is more difficult. Why is that guy at work unpopular? Well, he keeps to himself, snaps at people when they make a mistake, and couldn’t say something funny if his life depended on it. Why is his co-worker popular? He is understanding with his co-workers, socializes with others, and his humor neutralizes the stress and monotony of the job? Let’s break each guy’s behavior down:

Guy One: Won’t talk to others, snaps at people, not funny – does not leave people feeling good

Guy Two: Talks to others, is patient with others, and is funny – makes people feel good

 

Obviously there are many ways you can impact a person positively. I suggest making people feel good in a variety of ways, and understanding your audience. Some guys impact a girl positively, but in a friend sort of way, so they aren’t making her feel good in the way that meets their goals (i.e. making her feel good by being romantically attracted).

So, make someone feel good today. Do this every day, and you’ll be amazed how popular you

Filed Under: Career Success, Social Success

Three Easy Ways To Lose Weight Without Doing Much

May 31, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Water pitcherWhen I was in eighth grade I kind of “woke up” and realized I was overweight, out-of-shape, and not very popular with the ladies. I decided it was time to fix the problem. Unfortunately, losing weight was just a “diet” to me, and I quickly gained the weight back. After years of trying this approach, I now view being in shape as a lifestyle issue. Rather than being super-restrictive for a few months a year, only to gain weight back later, I eventually decided to make some small, but significant, changes in my lifestyle that make keeping weight off pretty easy. I have decided to share three easy ones that can have a big impact.

Drink Less Sugar – And More Water

Most Americans consume a lot of calories from sugary drinks. A few cans of pop add 300 calories to your daily intake. A coffee drink can add the same. Over the course of a day, all that sugar adds up to a lot of calories, not to mention playing havoc with your blood sugar…also bad for losing weight. And diet sodas aren’t helpful either. Studies show people make up the calories saved by diet pop with later food, because the sweetness fools our brains into wanting something caloric. So you may not get the sugar calories from that diet cola, but odds are you will eat more at the next meal, or gorge at snack time.

Water is the best solution. Imagine drinking water instead of those two cans of cola. That is 300 calories a day saved, which, if all other calories or activity remain equal, will allow you to lose a pound every two weeks or so, for a loss of around 20 pounds in a year. That’s right: just eliminating sugary drinks, and nothing more, can help you lose those pesky extra pounds. Water also has its own health benefits, and may help you feel full. Another benefit is you will have more money. When you eat out, get water. I eat out about once or twice a week. By getting water, my wife and I save $4.00-$8.00 per week, or $208-$432 per year. That is a decent chunk of change that gives us money to spend on other, more worthwhile things. If you quit buying those twelve packs of pop, you could save an additional $300 per year.

Get A Pedometer – And Get 10,000 Steps a Day

When most people think of exercising, they imagine dragging their out-of-shape bodies to the gym, and suffering tremendously by working out intensely to complete exhaustion, only to wake up sore the next day and give up 2 weeks later. While intense aerobic exercise has many benefits (including increased longevity), for weight loss and commitment purposes, any movement will do. Even fidgeting burns calories (one study showed fidgeters are thinner than non-fidgeters).

One way to keep track of movement is by getting a pedometer. Experts suggest 10,000 steps a day is the way to go for health and weight loss. It may be hard at first, but soon you’ll find yourself doing what it takes to get those extra steps – taking the stairs, parking away from the store, pacing while you talk, taking an evening walk, etc. You’ll find that soon the weight will come off. And, the walking will get you in better shape, and making staying committed to an intense aerobic program easier and more feasible.

Eat More Fiber

Fiber is a group of carbohydrates that some animals can digest, but humans cannot. So, it passes right through the body, providing us with health benefits along the way, such as preventing colon cancer and constipation. Fiber also has the benefit of making us feel full because it fills up the stomach without adding any calories to our diets. Fiber also slows down the digestion of other carbohydrates, thereby decreasing any negative blood sugar reaction associated with high-carb foods.

Unfortunately, most diets are low in fiber. Pizza, fries, and hamburgers are low in fiber. Beans and certain vegetable, fruits, and grains are excellent sources. Probably the easiest way to get fiber is through Metamucil or similar products. I suggest getting the sugar-free product. Each teaspoon has 4 grams of it, with only one non-fiber carbohydrate. This means it is ideal for those trying to lower their carbohydrates. Try to get 25-30 grams a day. By stabilizing your blood sugar and helping you feel full, fiber is an instant helper in your weight loss battle.

Combining these tips could easily result in losing a pound a week. It may seem simple, but these easy tips can result in 50+ pounds in a year. Maybe if you start now, it won’t be in time to show off at the beach this summer, but by Christmas you’ll look like a new person.

Filed Under: Health and Fitness

Why, When, And How To Have Quiet Confidence

May 30, 2013 By Leave a Comment

George ClooneyWe regularly promote traits such as confidence, extroversion and assertiveness, as well as being funny. Clearly, we promote being on the more outgoing side of things. However, there are times I may be in a group and not say much. People that know me in such settings will ask “but don’t you consult and write about confidence – why aren’t you saying more? It is so boring…speak up!”

Admittedly there are times I am either tired or possibly even purposefully reserved. Sometimes I do just want to blend in during an encounter if I have had a busy day, just worked out, or I can get quiet if I just don’t really want to be somewhere.

Talking too much can be a sign of nervousness and social cluelessness, which actually show that you are not confident and attractive. For example, nobody likes the “new guy” at work who comes in and immediately talks the whole lunch break. Nobody likes the guy at a meeting who keeps the thing going 20 minutes longer than necessary. Nobody likes the guy who totally dominates a conversation so that nobody else can say a word.

So as you can see, there are also times when you really should be quiet. This is why you should master the art of quiet confidence, being confident even when you cannot or should not express yourself verbally.

Quiet confidence basically consists of two things: confident body language and being relaxed. Let me further elaborate on these.

Confident Body Language

It is beyond the scope of this article to totally explain confident body language. For a brief primer, check out our book Be Popular Now, which has explanations and some photos. Confidently “holding your space” is a part

Being Relaxed

Part of having confident body language, but worth mentioning separately, is being relaxed. Being relaxed is associated with overall increased attractiveness. Being relaxed is important because it shows confidence. For an example, let’s look at mafia movies. Mafia leaders are often quiet older guys, who just exude confidence. They don’t get worked up. Their nervous underlings get worked up, but not the boss. They don’t have to say a word for you to know they are in charge.

While I am not saying you should look like a mafia boss, I am saying that how you hold yourself during quiet moments is important. Since it is important to have moments when you dont’ talk, you always want to appear relaxed and confident. You will look even more attractive if everyone around you is stressed and in a panic.

 

Filed Under: Career Success, Social Success

Human…You Can Be In Control

May 24, 2013 By Leave a Comment

brain scanHumans, like animals, think and act based on a mix of hormones, steroids, and other chemicals. Unfortunately, this means that a lot of our behavior isn’t “in our control” at least not if we act on our first thoughts. Also, parts of our brain are very primitive which makes the situation even worse, as our ancient brains tell us to act like…well…animals. Fortunately, humans have advanced parts of our brains that other animals don’t have, and this gives us much more control over these basic instincts and processes.

And our advanced brains are the problem and solution to human problems. Because of our advanced brains, humans have a large degree of awareness of our animalistic functions. We know that being in love can give us both great and horrible feelings within minutes of each other (such as before a break-up and after). We know that rejection hurts, as does any type of emotional hurt. Lower animals experience pain and suffering, but they likely don’t anticipate it, nor linger on it too long. They also can’t reflect on it and wallow in it like humans can. So yes, our advanced brains can give us awareness of our problems and limitations.

But in addition to awareness, our advanced brains also allow us to do something about our more basic desires. We can be aware of experiencing of them, identify them as either helpful or unhelpful, and possibly even reign them in if necessary. We can get out of situations that give us unhelpful feelings, or even seek out the help of others. We can talk ourselves down, or talk with others. We can even explore the wide range of pharmaceutical chemicals that counter-balance some of the feelings we have. In short, our advanced brains give us a large degree of free-will, which lesser animals could never have.

It isn’t always easy, but being in control is important to being attractive. It is important to being confident. It is important to being happy. We can never really prevent suffering or stop the swirl of chemicals that limits us at various times in our lives. We will always have to contend with fear chemicals, attraction chemicals, and even chemicals that depress us. However, our advanced brains give us perspective and control over the lower parts. Is it always easy? No. Is it possible? Yes.

It is beyond the scope of this article to explain how to control your instant desires and thoughts. However, as always I suggest our book Be Popular Now, as well as Jeffrey Schwartz’s excellent You are Not Your Brain.

Filed Under: Health and Fitness, Social Success
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