About Jonathan Bennett

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If an alien race were to do a study of certain households they would think that men are optional or even non-existent (beyond sperm donation or the occasional “boyfriend”). With the  increase in single motherhood (which is also father absenteeism), divorce, and other cultural factors, men are becoming rare in the family life of many kids.

But it’s not just the men who shirk their family leadership duties that are the problem. A good number of men are also abandoning any sense of leadership in the community. They prefer living with their parents, playing video games all day, and prefer online p0rn to being independent, pursuing their own career path, and getting real dates.

I don’t want this post to sound too critical of men who aren’t living up to their potential. This isn’t meant as a “men need to step it up” type rant. As a libertarian I’m not going to tell others how to live their lives. Not only that, but society is in many ways creating underachieving men (feminized educational system, gutting of the US manufacturing base, mocking manliness in popular culture, etc.).

However, as we focus on Father’s Day, it’s clear that fathers are very important to the raising of children. Studies have shown over and over again that children without fathers in their lives are more prone to a host of negative behaviors and outcomes. And, it’s not just a single mother issue. It’s also two parent families where the fathers are absent for one reason or another.

I’m also hear to argue that children need real men in their lives. I’m not talking about brash, macho jerks. I mean boys and girls need fathers who are the alpha male providers and protectors. They need dads who are confident, attractive (in the broad sense), and assertive.

Children need fathers who can teach them about life, show them how to be successful, and stand up for them. They need fathers who can tell them the truth and keep them in line while still loving them. Girls need men who can show them the model of manhood to avoid the dangerous jerks out there. Boys need to see a confident, strong leader who attract others to his side (and do it later in life).

Sadly, lots of children see none of this. While mothers are essential and teach their children valuable skills, they can’t replace a man. As studies have shown, the father matters. Not a mother acting as a father, but an actual father. And, given the results of the studies, it’s clear to me it means a present, active father.

So, if children need real men, then be a man. I’m not going to get into some big macho discussion. A real man is an alpha provider and protector. He takes the lead in his family and the rest of the community. He’s strong and confident, but also kind and generous. Be this and let these values show in raising your kids and you’ll be a good father.

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This is the first of our fatherhood series being published this week in honor of Father’s Day (June 16th). Check back for the rest!

When I was younger, I had friends whose dads were really cool. In fact, my dad was considered one of the “cool dads.” These men were funny and actually taught us quite a bit about life (admittedly in an indirect way).

We looked up to these cool dads and I’m sure they received something from the relationship too. Likely, they got a chance to tell their stories and be a good (or at least fun) influence on the younger generation.

Lots of men with kids want to be a cool dad, but really have no idea how to go about it. They know that being a cool father will not only get them respect from their friends, but their own kids as well. Fortunately, you’ve come to the right place to be a cool dad. We explain how to be one.

Be Relaxed

Being cool means being relaxed and calm. Think about coolness; it really means calmness under pressure. Kids can be a pain in the butt and so can their friends. However, you have to be calm when dealing with them. Don’t get stressed out by their actions and roll with the issues.

Once when I was in high school, my friends and I were pranking people on the phone. A sheriff’s deputy came to the door and we quickly fessed up to his dad. The deputy was there for an unrelated reason, but clearly we were discovered.

His dad told us that we were pushing our luck in an age of caller id, but otherwise didn’t lecture us or lose his temper. And, we actually listened to him and respected him. Even when you’re ready to lose it, be relaxed. Be a cool father.

Be Attractive and Avoid the Unattractive

Ultimately, being cool to your kids’ friends means being attractive to them. I don’t mean inappropriately, just in the general sense of them wanting to be around you and liking you.

So, you’ll want to have attractive traits that others look for in men. These are confidence, humor, intelligence, good looks, high fitness levels, etc. I remember being very impressed with my good friend’s dad because he was in outstanding shape. And, we bonded over working out together.

If you want to be a cool dad then start embracing some of these high value traits. Our entire website is devoted to helping men achieve these values. So, have a look around at our different categories.

But, we wouldn’t be very helpful if we also didn’t list the unattractive behaviors that will make others think you’re an uncool father. These are: flipping out, being out of shape, meanness, judgmentalism, lack of humor, lack of confidence, etc.

It’s also worth mentioning here that trying too hard to be cool isn’t attractive either. So, as a dad, remember you can be trendy, fun, and cool, but don’t overdo it.

Be Funny

Humor is one of the quickest ways to win over anyone of any age. Plus, kids and teens are at that age where they still enjoy life and laugh a lot. If you can get them laughing, then you’ll be popular.

While humor is hard to teach, especially in a short essay, here are a few pointers. Observational humor is best. It shows you’re smart and makes the person hearing it feel more connected (because it’s their environment).

If you’re dealing with older teen girls, then gentle teasing is usually a way to get them to laugh. However, don’t be rude or have them think you’re serious. Always make sure they know you’re kidding as well.  An example would be, “I like that shirt. But how many cheetahs had to die to make it?”

Avoid outdated humor (remember, these kids are much younger), anything dirty (you can be edgy, but don’t come across as a creeper), or unfunny material.

Assertiveness is Cool

You still have to be a dad, even if it’s the cool dad. That means setting boundaries for your kids. You can be a friend to your child’s friends, but you’re also the adult. That means you have to stand up for what is right and safe.

Assertiveness is actually cool and attractive. So, if you have to assert yourself for what is right, then you’ll actually earn the respect of your child and his or her friends.

But, be assertive, not aggressive, passive-aggressive, whiny, etc. Be upfront with the child and the friends. If you have a good relationship with them and assert yourself in the right way, you’ll not only keep their friendship, they might even listen to you.

So, hopefully you can be a cool dad too. It’s actually rewarding to have the respect and admiration of young people.

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

While a lot of our advice seems geared towards single guys, what makes guys attractive is actually universal. In other words, a lot of what makes a guy irresistible to beautiful women makes him attractive to everyone, including other men, young people, his wife, his kids, bosses, etc.

In preparation for Father’s Day 2013 (June 16), we are running a four part series of articles dedicated to helping you become a great father. These tips aren’t your typical parenting advice, which focus on the parent-child interaction.

Rather, we focus on you, the father. We want to help you become an amazing and confident man who can then be a great role model to your kids (and their friends). If you are attractive to your kids in a confident and assertive way, then being a great father is that much easier. These tips will also help you become a better leader and person, as well.

So, check back next week in the days leading up to Father’s Day for parenting advice. You can be a popular, confident, and amazing dad.

We’re also going to be running specials on our book so you can give that man in your life a gift that will make him happier, more successful, and a better parent.