Avoiding the Friend Zone: Four Tips

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We’ve all been there. We like a girl, we want a romantic relationship with her. We work up the nerve to ask her out. Boom. Just friends.

The friend zone is where a guy goes when he wants a romantic relationship, but is treated as only a friend instead. And, very rarely does befriending a girl lead to romance down the line. Sorry for the bad news.

The friend zone can be a painful place. But, if the men who get  put in the friend zone were more aware, they might have noticed something: certain guys get friend zoned all the time while others rarely find themselves stuck there at all.

By the way, friendship with girls can be cool. But, a fake friendship a guy creates in the hopes of getting a date down the line isn’t a good thing, for either the girl he’s manipulating or himself (because it rarely works).

So, without further delay, here are four tips for avoiding the friend zone.

Be Masculine

Most women pick females as their primary friends. So, if you act in a more feminine way, then you’re more likely to be put in the friend zone. If you meet a girl that you want to date, then play up your masculine traits (or develop more of them). It’s fine to be sensitive and a good listener, but those are the traits she finds more often in her female friends. If she finds those traits in you (at least excessively), boom, you’re in the friend zone.

Especially in the beginning, emphasize your more masculine characteristics (toughness, edge, etc). But, don’t overdo it as a blowhard. Don’t worry about not being “nice” enough. Nice guys have trouble avoiding the friend zone. If you really don’t want to be her friend, then who cares if you don’t end up as a friend anyway?

You always want to project confidence, even cockiness. This includes words and body language. Once you end up dating her, then you can bring out your more sensitive side.

Have Value

Women typically like to date high value guys. These men offer women something. They are worth dating. Most women value power, confidence, and success. They appreciate niceness, but they don’t really value it. If all you offer is being a nice guy, then buy your friend zone ticket because you’re going to end up there.

If something has value, then it’s in demand. Think about a popular item. Lots of people want it and the price goes up. You need to be that in demand guy. Make the women want you as a partner. If you don’t have value, then get some. Be funny, gain confidence, move up the ladder at work, start a business, etc. If you are valuable, then project it to women. It goes along with the first tip.

Maintain Control of the Frame

When a guy likes a girl and she doesn’t like him back, he loses control of the relationship dynamic. When a man approaches a woman, he has to immediately set and maintain the frame (direction) of the relationship. He must start with romance in mind, continue with it, and close in a romantic direction. Don’t go for friendship at all.

It sounds harsh, but it’s true. If a guy doesn’t want to be a girl’s friend, then he has to keep it away from friendship, even if he’s rejected in the end. Think about what she looks for in female friends: emotional availability, a good listener, someone to gossip with, etc. Avoid doing things her friends would do.

Keep it flirty, increase sexual tension, etc. Avoiding the friend zone requires that she sees you as boyfriend material starting from day one.

Don’t Suck Up

Buying her flowers, paying for an expensive dinner, complimenting her liberally, and similar things all appear in the standard dating advice. If you do this, unless you’re already dating her, you have sucker written on your forehead. She’ll take your gifts and compliments, then immediately make you just a friend. In the beginning, keep the relationship unequal, but make sure the inequality is on your side.

Let her suck up to you, make her desire you and articulate how great you are. Sucking up doesn’t work for guys. Remember, most of them want confident, powerful leader type of guys. Sucking up to them (as much as they may like it), won’t get you a relationship. Be a little standoffish. Take your time responding to texts, tease her, keep your compliments tame, etc.

Remember that not all women are alike. However, in most cases these four tips should help you with avoiding the friend zone.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.

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