A few years ago I knew a “nice guy,” who, like many nice guys was lonely. He felt that women always dated jerks and if only they could appreciate his true personality (being nice), he would be able to get any woman he wanted. He was often frustrated and angry.
That attitude doesn’t work, but that’s not the point of this article. I want to talk about the sinister side of “nice” guys: those who think their nice personality and efforts to woo women entitle them to romantic activity, especially sex.
A lot of guys think that a woman can be bribed into attraction. In reality, attraction isn’t even really a choice. Obviously dating or not dating someone is a choice, but attraction occurs at a very visceral level. The reason the friend zone exists is because if a woman doesn’t find a guy attractive, typically at the outset, it’s hard for him to become attractive to her later. This is still the case even if a guy tries his hardest to win her over through nice gestures, gifts, etc.
A lot of women, however, will take the gifts and the attention from these friend zoned guys. Why wouldn’t they? They see the situation as their guy friend complimenting them and buying them stuff. While guys don’t typically do either of these to their own friends (outside of maybe buying them coffee or something small), girls do. So, a girl expects her friends to compliment her and buy her things. When a guy does it, she considers it normal for friendship.
But, friend zoned guys often think these tactics will get them results in the long run. Some guys simply give up in either anger or frustration when their nice gestures don’t result in action. Some guys go further and think that they are then entitled to something more (a few even resort to assault). Both types of reactions assume that being a nice, generous person entitles a guy to romantic results.
But, it doesn’t. I highly advise being generous and kind to women (and men). But, being nice does not entitle you to a woman. It usually won’t result in attraction either, unless it’s there but well hidden.
If you truly want to be a girl’s friend, then go for it. Women can be great friends. However, if you want to be her boyfriend or lover, bribing her with nice gestures won’t usually turn on attraction, even after a few weeks or months.
This article isn’t meant to be a rant. Rather, it’s an honest look at what doesn’t work when trying to date women. Any man who wants to date a woman should work on attracting her to him, not by pretending to be her friend then attempting to bribe her into something more.