We all know of the most addicting substances: alcohol, drugs, coffee, and even sugar. Lots of people try to give up these substances and go through a “detox” to cleanse their body. It can be a permanent or temporary detox.
However, there’s another type of addiction that sometimes needs detox as well: love and relationships. Don’t laugh. Studies have demonstrated that the brain reacts to love in similar ways to other types of addictions.
What this means is that love, especially in the early stages can really mess up our brain chemistry. In fact, falling in love, at least in men, drops serotonin (the happy chemical) and testosterone (the manly, and oddly enough, calming chemical). It can also cause dopamine (pleasure chemical) levels to spike and fall like a roller coaster.
The result of this? A lack of contentment, increased mania, and a desire to seek out the next love “high,” like an affirming text message. While these chemicals even out over time, in the early days of “love,” they can lead to horrible feelings and a lack of detachment and excellence. In other words, being too into women (or their pursuit) can make you horrible at actually pursuing (and winning over) women.
We recommend having a detox day from women every week. This doesn’t mean that you stop being around women (or getting some from your wife or girlfriend) or being on your game if you meet one. Rather, this involves spending a day a week not actively seeking or thinking about women.
So, if you have an online dating account, don’t check it. If you’re texting a woman all the time, cut back for that day. Find something to do like hiking, which allows you to leave your phone. If you go out that night, do it with friends and the goal to hang out with them. Spend one day a week totally unfocused on impressing or pursuing the ladies. Cultivate a hobby, start a business, go to the gym, etc.
What’s the purpose of this? First, it’s to create excellence. As a man, you have to first focus on yourself. Better yourself, be excellent, become the person women desire. That must be your first goal. You can’t do that if you’re obsessively texting a girl and sweating bullets when she takes an hour to respond.
Second, detoxing from women allows you to be detached and aloof. These traits are very important when dating. You have to be excellent enough that the woman desires you more than you desire her. Confidence and excellence lead to detachment.
Now, you can still be nice, generous, friendly, etc. to women. But, by detoxing from the attraction part of the equation, you should help reign in your more unattractive traits (like oneitis, emotionalism, pity parties, etc.).
Finally, a detox day helps you achieve these traits every single day. That’s right. By taking a day a week to stop being so obsessed and dependent on women, you’re training yourself (and your lovesick brain) to pursue excellence and detachment full time. You’re able to slowly pull away from old brain wiring that keeps you dateless and instead come away as an excellent, detached attractive man.
So, consider having a detox day from women in your week. Focus on bettering yourself and doing what you truly love to do.