Go to a club on any Saturday night and look around. You’ll see tall, handsome, and sharply dressed guys standing around the place. Theoretically, they should “easily” be able to attract a woman in that environment, but many of them go home alone.
The reasons are many, but one major factor is their body language.
Many guys focus on their hair, clothes, and the words that come out of their mouth when thinking of being attractive. However, they ignore their body language, and by ignoring it, they put themselves at an extreme disadvantage in dating.
In our coaching business, body language (changing yours and reading the body language of others) is one of the most important things we teach our clients. Here are three reasons why your body language is important, and why you should pay more attention to it.
We Communicate More Through Body Language Than Words
Researcher Albert Mehrabian found that when people were expressing likes and dislikes, roughly 93% of communication is non-verbal, which includes your body language and tone. Based on this, in many circumstances, body language accounts for 55% of communication, while tone is 38%, and words amount to a paltry 7%.
This figure is just a rough estimate based on a few specific studies and circumstances studied, but nonetheless, it provides a valuable lesson. How you carry yourself is more important than the words that come out of your mouth. People almost always will believe your body over your words.
Let me give you an example. A friend of mine was getting mad at his wife. His words said “I’m tired of how you treat me and I’m not putting up with this anymore.” His tone (high pitched and quick speaking) and body language (frantic and shriveled) said, “I’m actually weak, totally worked up, and going to put up with this forever.”
It Mostly Happens Subconsciously
You may be wondering how only 7% of communication occurs through words, when most of our focus is on them. The reason is simple: reading body language happens outside of conscious awareness. For example, if you get a “creepy vibe” from someone, that’s probably subconscious body language reading.
If you find someone attractive, it’s likely the way he or she carries herself plays a huge role in why you like them.
This is also why guys who change their body language in a positive way (for example, by improving their posture) often receive comments like “something is different about you…but I can’t place it,” and women start giving them more attention.
Most of our clients see immediate improvement when they change their body language. If 93% of communication is through our bodies and tonality, then improving those, even slightly, will produce amazing results.
Because it is subconscious, most people aren’t aware how they are coming across to others. However…
You Can “Hack” People’s Subconscious Perception of You By Changing Your Body Language
Socrates famously quipped “The unexamined life is not worth living,” while on trial in Athens. Most people have no idea how they come across to others. They may slouch, walk with their heads down, show insecurity and hesitation in their bodies even though they may use powerful words, etc.
Right now become aware of your body language. Are you relaxed? Open? Confident? Or are you uptight? Closed? Insecure?
When I was a teacher, a student gave me an important lesson on being aware of how I come across. She remarked that when I was on my computer, I looked angry. She thought I was looking at something infuriating. The truth is I wasn’t. I was feeling happy. I was just hunched over, staring at my screen. It reminded me that even when looking at my computer people are assessing how I feel.
The great news is that it’s possible to change your body language so that you basically “hack” how others view you. After hearing my student’s feedback, I sit and look at my computer in a more relaxed and less intense way; I want people to see me as open to interaction, not angry.
For many people, this could be as simple as holding your head up slightly (signalling confidence) instead of looking down when you talk to others. People will start respecting you more, and women will start finding you more attractive, and they may not even know why.