I’m sure you remember the early days of being in love with your husband. The butterflies in your stomach, how you felt when you caught him checking you out, his efforts at romance, and the sheer passion in the bedroom. You both were so into each other you didn’t want to be separated for even a day!
Marriage, however, can change things and not always for the better. The excitement gives way to boredom. The butterflies turn to anger and disappointment. And, the constant attention turns to loneliness from getting ignored for long periods of time. People who never wanted to be separated now are considering separation and divorce.
A lot of married women tell me, “my husband ignores me!” and wonder how to fix it. Their husband might ignore them sexually or not do anything romantic anymore. He might ignore them when they cry or won’t pay attention to them out in public (or take them out at all!) A lot of women find their husband ignores them after having a baby or around his family and friends.
Whatever the reason for your husband’s lack of attentiveness, there are ways to get him to notice you! These tips will help you finally get your spouse paying attention to you in ways you deserve. You can be the happy wife again!
The first step if your husband is ignoring you is to find out why and ways to fix the problem. In the early days of love, the intense feeling of pleasure was so overwhelming that you probably didn’t need to say much. Things just happened in a positive way. However, if the marriage isn’t going well, you’ll have to open up the lines of communication. Here are a few simple tips to get talking, even if you haven’t in years.
You might be angry that your husband is ignoring you and you feel like lashing out. That feeling is legitimate! However, confronting your husband with accusations of not loving you and treating you like crap isn’t going to get him to open up. If anything, it’ll make him less likely to talk.
So, when you communicate with him, speak from a position of explaining your needs. Avoid making “you statements” telling him how awful he is. Instead, focus on that you are ignored and how it makes you feel. You could say, “I feel sad when you ignore me” or “It hurts my feelings when I cry and you just walk away.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions
If you’re wanting to get to the bottom of why he’s ignoring you and fix it, you can ask open-ended questions. Starting them with “how” and “why” are very effective. “Why aren’t we intimate anymore?” or “how can we solve this together?” are good examples. Asking those types of questions will encourage a genuine conversation, rather that just him giving lists and one word answers.
Finally, part of communication is to actually listen to what he says. Active listening means truly hearing what your partner is saying and adjusting the conversation based on that, rather than simply focusing on your own agenda or thinking about what you’re going to say next.
By truly hearing your husband, you will be more likely to see his side in it and you both can compromise to achieve a more successful marriage.
Meet His Needs Too
If you think your husband is ignoring you, then likely his needs aren’t being met either. You might think the problems are “his fault” and they might be. But, since a marriage is a two way partnership, he likely has things he wants and needs.
By talking to him and working to meet his needs, you’re setting up the expectation that he will meet yours too. It’s the compromise necessary to make marriages and long term relationships successful.
However, don’t make a greater effort to meet his needs if he refuses to meet you halfway. But, if he’s trying to be a better husband, it’s only fair that you work to become a better wife.
The other day while running, I saw a couple walking on the local bike path. They were also loudly arguing. They looked to be in their mid-30s and both of them seemed unhappy and stressed. I thought it was sad because I’m sure there was a time they were in love and happy.
If your husband is ignoring you, then it might be time to work on yourself a little so that he notices you. Many women, when they were trying to win over their partner, would wear makeup, dress in a sexy way, and do what it took to win his affection.
Now, however, do you dress and act in a way that gets your husband’s attention? Or have you let yourself go? I want to add that this happens to men, as well. In fact, it’s possible your husband has let himself go and it drives you nuts.
If your husband doesn’t notice you, then maybe it’s time to work on yourself. Get fit, wear makeup more, dress in a sexy way. Do it for yourself. If he notices, problem solved: attention! If he doesn’t notice, then see the next tip.
Make Him Jealous
If your husband ignores you and doesn’t appreciate you, then share yourself with the world. I’m not talking about cheating here. But, if you’re trying to look and act your best and aren’t getting love and attention at home, then get out more. Hang out with friends, try new hobbies, or do something you’ve always wanted.
Again, do all of this for yourself and not with the goal to cheat. But, if you are isolated and ignored, there is nothing wrong with getting out and living life. Your husband shouldn’t stop you from living your life to the fullest. In addition, it should have the side effect of making your husband jealous and getting him to pay attention to you, especially the awesome new you!
Renew The Passion
When spouses ignore each other, it’s usually because the relationship has hit a boring, stale point and both the wife and husband have settled. If your relationship becomes more adventurous, then the words “my husband ignores me” won’t even cross your mind.
Find fun and exciting new activities, get a babysitter for the kids, do old activities you used to find fun, but no longer have the time for, and so on. You know what drives your sense of adventure.
Also, apply this adventurism to the bedroom. If you are sexy and sultry and the bedroom is spicy, then he isn’t going to be ignoring you! Instead, he’s going to want more of you all the time!
So, if your husband is ignoring you, these tips should help you get his affection back. Just remember that it takes two and he will also need to contribute. You can’t force someone to pay attention to you. But, you can revive the spark and get his love back!