These days, it seems that we hear about a new dating “trend” each day. They aren’t really trends, so much as human behaviors that have existed for thousands of years, but that are trending because we’re being made aware of them. And, the internet makes doing them and hearing about them easier than ever.
I’m going to walk you through the latest one: tindstagramming. Say that five times fast!
The newest is tindstagramming. It’s pretty simple. It’s a combination of the words “Tinder” and “Instagram.” The term refers to when guys (or occasionally girls) get rejected on an online dating app, and then they search out that person on social media and message them. Most articles look at this from a woman’s perspective of having to deal with guys who do this, but I’m going to look at it from both perspectives. But, since this is a website primarily for men, I’m also going to focus on why guys need to cut this out for their own good.
The signs of tindstagramming are pretty simple. If you’re a woman, you swiped left on a guy, didn’t give him a second thought, and then suddenly you get a random DM on Instagram from what you think is a total stranger. It turns out it’s the guy you swiped left on (and promptly forgot about).
He found you and is trying to strike up a conversation. Hell, even after being told all of this, you probably still don’t remember him. You’re likely thinking “who is this loser?”
If you’re a guy, you’re likely the one trying to tindstagram. You see a girl you’re attracted to with some common interests, but you don’t match with her. And, it just happens she lists her social media on her profile. So, you believe it was a fluke she didn’t see your profile, or maybe she accidentally swiped left, so you add her on social media and message. Even worse, you may have had to stalk her to find her social media if she didn’t list it!
Why Guys Shouldn’t Tindstagram
I don’t like this tindstagramming trend for many reasons, but I’ll list a few here.
For one, guys, this is creepy, desperate, and needy. I have never known a woman, ever, who likes getting random social media messages from guys she doesn’t know. I promise you she is sharing them with her friends and having a good laugh at your desperation. Here is a case in point. Look at this tweet. You’ll notice that she is referring to guys who do that as “boys who don’t have a chance…”
Why is it desperate? Because if you have to resort to this type of sneaky, backdoor behavior, it shows you aren’t a quality guy. You’re obviously a man who can’t meet women in real life, and who has reached a point of no other options. It shows a level of extreme neediness. No woman wants to be with a needy guy and women know that men appear to be getting needier.
Second, she rejected you once. It wasn’t a fluke, it wasn’t a mistake, and she doesn’t regret it. Take the hint!
I also don’t like how this further upsets the online “dating market.” Right now, the dating “market” is skewed heavily in the favor of women. Average guys are literally wasting their time. They might as well be playing a video game instead, but one they can’t win.
A woman who isn’t horribly ugly can go on Tinder or other apps and get numerous matches. Attractive ones can get hundreds. Thousands. Even attractive guys are lucky to get a handful of matches a day, let alone messages.
When a woman has hundreds, even thousands, of choices, what happens? She starts getting even choosier and choosier. So, she starts going for the top guy. But…every other non-ugly woman takes this view as well. So, hundreds of women are competing for a handful of guys, while the average guy gets nothing. And, statistically speaking, ~80% of guys are “the average guy” in this online dating economy.
Look again at the tweet I linked to above. That girl isn’t that special. She’s decent looking with a decent personality, nothing more. But, thanks to the DMs of thirsty guys, she’s publicly proclaiming how choosy she is and how amazing she must be.
If every desperate guy stopped this behavior, just imagine the effects it would have on the way women approach dating. And, it would raise the guy’s quality higher too. After all, women might get thousands of matches, but most of them might be needy, desperate guys.
How To Avoid Tindstagramming or Being Tindstagrammed
Don’t list your social media on your dating profiles. You are taking it as a way to get more followers. And, maybe let a quality guy see more about your life. I know it and you know it. The problem is that desperate guys don’t know that. They see it as an alternative way to find you. Plus, attractive guys aren’t going to waste their time visiting your social media, so listing it is just going to get you annoying followers.
Don’t take listing a social media account on her profile as a sign she is looking for a date on those accounts. Like I mentioned above, she wants followers, not to date you. Also, you have to be confident enough to walk away. If she doesn’t swipe right, then it’s over. She saw you, didn’t like you, and is matching with other guys. Anything else reeks of desperation, neediness, and creepiness.
So, this does need to stop.