I have received a lot of Christian “dating” advice over the years, whether it’s from parents, church friends, campus ministers, and pastors. I wasn’t alone in this either. Other people, especially men, eagerly embraced this Christian dating tips because they hoped it would get them a date with a nice, Christian girl. And, they did it because they didn’t like the secular options and hoped their faith tradition could provide them with unique insights.
But, their Christian dating advice for men was, looking back, pretty terrible. Why? Their wisdom usually centered on tips such as: treat women like queens, suppress all natural urges, and be a nice guy.
However, most Christian (and non-Christian) guys know those suggestions don’t work. And, as any religious man can tell you, just because a woman is a Christian doesn’t mean she’s attracted to nice, Christian guys. If I had a dollar for every Christian girl I knew who dated a bay boy I would be quite richer.
Christian Dating Advice For Men
Fortunately, through our research and practice, we have some solid Christian dating advice for men. It’s not a specifically Christian or biblical approach (the Bible didn’t address dating in the modern sense), but here goes.
This advice also assumes that a guy wants to date, but do so from a Christian perspective. These are general tips, so they should be valuable for all Christians: Catholic, Methodist, Orthodox, Baptist, Vineyard, non-denominational, etc.
Jesus Was An Alpha Male (Be One Too)
Jesus wasn’t a nice guy. Sorry to shatter your illusions of a “nice guy” hero. Jesus was a confident alpha male who spoke his mind and challenged authority. He was loving and generous, but he wasn’t a squishy “nice” guy. He stood up to the religious leaders of his time, rebuked his followers when necessary (which was often), and even got aggressive with the money changers in the Temple.
So, be like Jesus: a Christian alpha male. Speak your mind. Stand up for yourself. Be your own man. But, do so in a way that is loving and straightforward like Jesus. Women like confident, independent men. Be that man, just in a Christian way.
Be Good; Also Be Excellent
Excellence in men is a highly desired trait among women. You’ve likely heard names like Paul, Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, Martin Luther, John Wesley, Roman Catholic Pope John Paul II, and evangelical pastor Billy Graham. They built great reputations and had amazing accomplishments that furthered their faith (and the faith of others). What have you done?
Just being a good Christian isn’t going to automatically get you dates with Christian women (or any woman). Sorry, but biology still rules. You’re going to have to be high value to get beautiful women to like you. So, find a way to be an excellent leader in your church or community. You’ll be serving God and impressing women. Not a bad deal.
Look at many religious leaders and the attention they receive. Famous pastors and other Christian leaders (like Joel Osteen) are wildly popular. Pope John Paul II, for example, was called the rock star pope among Catholics. And, while he wasn’t in the dating market, if he was, imagine the benefits of his religious fame!
Judgment Isn’t Attractive
I went through a period when I was a very judgmental Christian. I could tell you why everyone else was wrong. I ended up alone in my rightness. While it’s important to not give up your core self for any woman (see first tip), if you’re a Christian guy who loves to argue the finer points of theology and always has to be “right” then you’ll also likely be single.
You can be on fire for God, but don’t use your fire to consume everyone else. Women aren’t going to think, “wow, he’s vigorously arguing the finer points of theology, I have to date this guy.” If you appear too arrogant and combative, you’ll turn women off. Also, arguing about theology isn’t most people’s idea of a fun date or interesting conversation (even if Christian).
Have Other Interests
Most Christians who take their faith seriously aren’t necessarily theologians. They find meaning in their faith in Christ, enjoy church, and value what Christianity brings to their life. The vast majority of Christians I’ve talked to over the years fit this profile (and I’ve talked to thousands).
However, they don’t think about their faith 24/7. They don’t read theology all day (if at all). And, they don’t really care about the finer points of debating religion. So, if you are really into your faith and that’s all you can talk about, you’re going to have very little luck with most women.
When you go on dates, even if you know the person is a Christian, don’t assume that’s going to be your only conversation topic. In fact, she may not want to talk about it at all. Some people are more private about their faith or just have other interests. Have broader conversation topics ready.
Use Your Resources
Find a way to get involved in Christian groups. If your church is small, consider finding another one. Go to Bible studies, join groups, go to larger events like multi-church or diocesan concerts and gatherings, etc.
If you truly want to date according to your Christian values, then find ways to be around like-minded people and apply the previous tips in those settings,
These tips will help you be an excellent, high value man, while staying true to your core religious values. And, find yourself a nice, Christian girl.