Every guy has messaged a girl he liked and eagerly waited for a response. Then, waited. And waited some more. As the minutes turned to hours and maybe even days, his anxiety increased. Through it all he wondered if he should send her another text even though she hadn’t replied to the first one. This is called “double texting” and the thought of it can create extreme anxiety.
The question of double texting a girl doesn’t sound like a big deal. But, it can be for a couple of reasons.
First, because of the nature of attraction, many guys analyze every action to determine if it’s the right move. Second, they recognize instinctively that sending two texts in a row isn’t really an ideal scenario. And, they are correct.
So, should you double text a woman? The answer, as with most things in life, is complicated. Here is my expert advice.
Now’s a good time to take our entertaining and informative “What Is Your Dating/Relationship Texting Style” Quiz. See if your texting style is holding you back!
Note that this article is referring to girls you are getting to know, barely know, or going on some dates with, in the early stages of attraction and dating. Double texting in relationships or with girls you have a proven connection with is a different story.
Why Double Texting A Girl Is Bad
One of my dating clients showed me his text messages with a girl he liked. The time stamps revealed that he had replied instantly while she waited hours and even days to respond to him. However, he didn’t wait for her to answer. He sometimes triple and quadruple texted her! He found out why he shouldn’t engage in this behavior.
It Looks Needy
If you resort to double texting, even if you think you have a good reason, it still makes you look like you’re super needy. Unless it’s an absolute emergency, why does she need to get back to you instantly? You’re sending the message that you not only want her validation, but need it.
Want to know one of the most unattractive traits in men? I’ll give you a hint: it starts with the letter “n” and rhymes with seediness. In other words, if you’re double and triple texting her, you’re showing her that you’re unattractive even if you think otherwise. While women often say they want a “needy” boyfriend, what they mean is they want the confident, attractive, and aloof guy they are in love with to need them a little.
You’re Being Ignored
Want to know what most women have with them 24/7? It’s their smartphone. And they use texting to communicate more than ever. Granted, they might not have it all the time, but how long does it take to send a text that says, “I’m busy right now, but will text later?” If you said, 10 seconds, congratulations.
In other words, if a woman wanted to text you back, she would. She’s either too busy to text you or is actively ignoring you. Either way, it says a lot about the relationship you have with her. It also tells you that double texting her serves no purpose. She’ll likely ignore that too or just respond out of guilt.
You’re Being Insecure
If you have to double text a girl, especially if it’s often, then you need to ask yourself why? Chances are, it’s because you’re insecure. I don’t mean this as a put down, just a reality check. At the very least, you are giving far more to the relationship than she is.
Not only that, but, if you can’t even wait for her to respond out of anxiety, jealousy, or fear it means you’re not very secure in the relationship. Or, it at least looks that way to her. And, next to neediness, insecurity is second on the unattractive male behaviors list.
Look at it this way: a guy who has the girl’s full love and attention doesn’t need to double text. He knows she’s devoted to him and she might even be the one sending him multiple messages because she’s needy! The same is true of a guy with dating options. He doesn’t care if one girl doesn’t get back to him because he has others he’s messaging.
In this video, Jonathan explains the “3 Laws of Texting.” If you want to get the girl, don’t break these!
When You Can Double Text
In relationships, you will probably double text quite a bit, like if one of you is really busy and you need to convey information in between contact, or many other legitimate reasons.
However, even if you are in the “getting to know a girl” phase, there are times when double texting might be appropriate, although I would highly advise against it most of the time, especially if the delay between texts from her is very lengthy. But, here are two legitimate times you can do it.
There are times you might sent one text and genuinely need to send another. Maybe plans have changed and she needs to know, you saw something interesting that you want to mention, or you forgot to mention something relevant earlier. Under these circumstances, an extra text or two won’t matter.
Reconnecting With A Woman
Sometimes conversations naturally die and you might genuinely want to reconnect with someone. Maybe she didn’t reply to a previous text and you gave up. But, a few weeks later, you want to try again. There’s no harm in reaching out to see what’s happening.
The key with this is to make sure a decent amount of time has passed so that you’re not bugging her to answer or being needy and desperate. You might as well see if the relationship can be salvaged.
However, if your efforts to get her attention again don’t succeed, then just drop it. Once again, women check their phones all day. She has plenty of chances to reply.
The Problem of Double Texting
If you send a lot of double texts to women, then you need to examine your overall dating strategy. First, why are they not replying to you? Are you not as attractive as you can be? Do they see you as someone who is just a friend or even annoying? People pay attention to what they like. If you aren’t getting timely replies maybe your texting style is boring or you’re not very attractive or charismatic.
Second, a lot of double texting means you could be desperate and needy with women. Usually if not texting causes you anxiety, then you’re too invested in the girl you’re messaging. Ultimately, those traits aren’t attractive, so your texting strategy could be making it worse.
Look around our website to find tips to be more popular, charming, and attractive. If you become the guy women want to date, you won’t have to ask about double texting a girl because you won’t need to even do it to begin with!