In fact, a lot of the stuff I write is backed by studies and science and it makes a lot of people go “huh?” But, if I can explain it via a funny and concise term, it is more relatable.
This brings us to “firedooring,” the newest of these trends. Although a kind of silly name, it perfectly describes really bad dating behavior.
If you’ve ever seen a firedoor, you know that it has a sign that says “emergency exit only.” You don’t see people coming in. You only go out. It’s because the doors are locked from the outside.
Now is a good time to take our entertaining and totally and utterly non-scientific “What Annoying Dating Trend Are You?” Quiz. Find out your bad dating habits!
Just like a firedoor is one-sided, if you’re being firedoored, you’re participating in a relationship that is basically a one way street.
For example, you’re a girl who gives a guy all of your best time and attention. He calls at the last minute and you rush to get ready just to see him. However, when you want to hang out, he’s always busy or has other excuses.
Perhaps you’re a guy who texts women back instantly and comes over anytime she needs something, whether it’s help with an activity or to be an emotional outlet. Yet, she takes hours to text you back and is never around when you need something from her.
When you’re firedoored, you rush to meet the other person’s needs. When you want them…up goes the firedoor. These one way relationships can be very frustrating and aggravating.
Keep in mind, it’s not just romantic relationships that involve firedooring. Friendships and even family relationships can involve a lot of radical inequality.
If you think you’re being firedoored, here are a few signs to look out for. These are only a few signs, but they will give you an idea of your situation.
For texting, perhaps you text her in full sentences quickly, but she waits hours to respond and does so with little depth. And, in the meantime, you notice she’s updated her Instagram and Snapchat.
In the real world, she might blow you off when you hang out. It’s possible you two go out together and she ends up focusing on other members of the group. You sit around bored. But, when it comes time to pay for drinks or get a ride home, she comes your direction.
You’re Second Place
In many cases firedooring is a result of being someone’s clear second place. You assign the other person great value, but he sees you as simply a booty call or a warm body.
It’s usually pretty obvious if you’re second place to someone else’s first. You might only get his attention when he’s clearly bored, horny, or needing something. But, when you want his attention, he always blows you off…sometimes for another person.
You’re Being Used
When I was in university, I knew a girl who called me up every few months. Usually it coincided with needing a ride back to our shared hometown once the semester was over.
I gladly helped her out because I liked her as a friend. She only was my friend when she needed a ride. When I was bored on a Saturday night and asked her out to do something, up went the firedoor.
People who firedoor others typically do so because they are using them. They might want sex, help with something, money, or even attention. Here are a few general signs you’re being used by another person.
What To Do If You’re Firedoored
Ultimately, you have to decide if you want to continue giving your best time and attention only to have a firedoor thrown up in your face. One way relationships can be frustrating and exhausting as you give and give and the other person takes and takes.
Over time, they can lead to anxiety, desperation, and neediness. Of course, being needy is very unattractive, which hinders your ability to move on with another man or woman.
In most cases, there is one reason why people firedoor: because they can.
Hot women know they can always use their sexuality to tease thirsty, lonely guys and get their way, whether it’s money, help, or attention.
Player guys do the same thing. They are attractive and manipulative enough to keep multiple women on the line to meet their needs.
All people engage in firedooring because there are no consequences for their behavior. They get away with it again and again and again.
If you’re consistently a victim of firedooring, then stop enabling the behavior. Cut the person off or at least stop giving them your best attention.
Not only will you keep your pride, but you’ll be able to focus your time and energy elsewhere…on people who will at least try to make you an equal priority. Relationships are never fully equal. But, at the very least, there should be a general balance of emotional investment and attention.