A lot of younger men and women imagine older men as out of shape, overweight, humorless “has beens” dressed in outdated clothes.
Why do they think that? Probably because there are a lot of older men who look and act just like that! As guys age, the standards for social success don’t change: most guys just let their bodies and personalities slide.
However, it doesn’t have to be that way. A lot of older guys can be very popular, happy, and even date the women of their dreams. They just have to make some changes, some possibly major. They also have to age well. Fortunately, we have some tips for both of these. So, if you’re an older guy who is trying to reboot yourself socially and/or romantically, check out our tips.
It sounds like a cliché, but it’s true. Being young is often a state of mind. I went to high school with old fogeys. On the other hand, I know guys in their sixties who have the vibrancy and enthusiasm of a sixteen year old. In fact my cute 28-year old friend just married a 55 year old guy, who owns a successful DJ business, and regularly hangs out with people half his age.
Thinking young doesn’t mean being immature. It means getting out, doing things that make you excited and happy, and embracing the vibrancy of life. Compare this to most older guys who spend their days working a job they hate, and their free time complaining about how much they hate that job to other guys who hate their lives just as much.
So, if you’ve decided that you’re a responsible older guy, and this means working a job you hate and never having an adventure besides possibly speeding when you’re late for that job, then get over yourself! Let loose and have a little fun. You can be responsible and still have fun. Until you’re dead, life is still very exciting.
Embrace The New
A lot of older people fear the new. They pine for the good old days and bash the new-fangled (fill in the blank). While you don’t want to be fake and look foolish, it’s always good to embrace new aspects of culture if you want to be popular as you get older. There was even a study that showed that one key factor in longevity was embracing and learning new technology.
A former client of mine always went to the same bar and played 1980s heavy metal songs on the jukebox. And, a few guys at the place loved it. One time I went with him and noticed that he was socially succeeding to a degree: getting the approval of tired older guys in the place. But that wasn’t his goal: it was to meet women, who happened to be in their 20s and early 30s.
And, no surprise, they didn’t like what he played. But when I played newer pop and alternative hits, these same women sang along and asked who played the great music. When we all started talking they guessed my age as very close to theirs, and his ten years older than his actual age, even though we were the same age! There is nothing wrong with enjoying older things, but don’t be surprised when that turns you into someone who is clearly perceived as an old person.
Another friend hasn’t bought a new item of clothing since 2006. He is attracted to women in their twenties, but acts like someone in his fifties. Again, there is nothing wrong with that per se, but when he goes and talks to a 25 year old grad student, he just comes across as a boring and clueless creep.
So, if you think you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, then goodbye social success. Recent science shows that human brains can rewire at any age. Previously, it was believed your personality was set by the time you turned twenty five. It may be harder to embrace new technology, new clothing styles, and a new way of thinking at a later age, but it’s entirely possible.
Take Care Of Yourself Physically
Older guys are usually fatter, balder, and less fit. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Like with learning new technology, being lean, trim, and handsome as you age is tougher (thanks to a slower metabolism and wear and tear), but it’s worth the effort.
Try to keep your hair (David wrote an extensive article on this). Stay in good shape. Use moisturizers on your face and wear sunscreen. Keep your clothes age appropriate, but also up to date.
A couple years ago at a swimming pool I saw a guy who was probably in his fifties. He was in amazing shape and was flirting with girls in their twenties. It made me happy because it shatters every stereotype about older guys.
If you don’t believe me, look at Wang Deshun, an 80 year old male model from China. He is eighty and yet probably has more 20-somethings swooning over him than most 20-something guys. He has kept in shape and obviously taken care of himself, something every able-bodied man is capable of.
Keep Your Swag
Many young men have a certain swagger, for lack of a better word. They are brash, cool, and extremely attractive to women. Very few men keep that later in life. They settle, start to buy into the narrative that as you age you must begin to hate your life, and lose any sort of edge. They become bland, predictable, and boring. Some of this likely relates to testosterone levels lowering, in part because of obesity.
If you want to age successfully, then keep a bit of your edge and swagger. Speak your mind, keep others guessing, and never be afraid to push the envelope a little with women. This will come more easily with higher testosterone levels, which can be raised by losing weight, doing interval type fitness and strength training (see our Insanity Asylum Volume 2 review), and reducing stress.
If you’re worried about this being a “mid life crisis,” then check out David’s article Why You Should Have A Mid-Life Crisis.
So, quit being an old fogey and start your movement towards success and popularity. If you’re a younger guy and are losing your edge, then get it back. Don’t age gracefully. Age successfully.