I had an issue when I graduated from college that plagues a lot of men and women: I was single and wanted to meet new people, but had no clue where I could go to do it. Sure, there were bars and clubs, but those weren’t exactly my cup of tea. I wasn’t the best socially, but was still outgoing and friendly. You might have similar problems. You are all dressed up and eager to meet new singles, but literally have no (good) place to go.
Here are four tips to help you choose the right venue when you go out to meet new people, whether for dating, relationships, or anything else.
Pick An Authentic Place (For You)
If you want to meet new people, go to a bar or club. That’s the standard advice. And, it’s good advice, if you like loud music, crowds, and drinking. However, not everyone likes this environment or wants to meet those types of people. And, if a guy who doesn’t like the environment or the people at bars goes to bars to meet new dates or friends, I hope he’s not shocked when he doesn’t meet anyone he likes (or anyone at all).
If you want to be at ease and your best, then you have to go to places aligned with your values or interests. If you like chess, go to a chess tournament. If you’re into heavy metal music, go to a concert. If you’re a Christian, don’t go to places that align with your religious faith.
Keep in mind that it’s always good to push yourself out of your comfort zone occasionally and develop diverse interests. But, for the most part, you want to avoid places that conflict with your core values and require you to be inauthentic.
Go Where You Are Valued
This is somewhat related to the first tip, but still deserves a separate category. If you are a man, then you will be judged based on your value. And, unless you’re rich and powerful, your value can be somewhat relative based on the company you keep. A puny comic book nerd will be valued at a comic convention, but probably won’t be at a fitness expo.
Go to places and events where your traits and skills are considered valuable and where they are evident to others. You may have to evaluate your talents and traits first, but it’s worth it. Of course, if you are outgoing, funny, and charming, then you can probably fit in anywhere because those are universally valued traits.
As an example, if you’re “country” you should find a more redneck establishment to hang out. If you are a fit, jock type, then seek out places where others will look at you and think “hot” rather than “meathead.” By the way, I added in the redneck and meathead stereotypes for a reason. I don’t believe them, but if you’re around people who won’t appreciate you and might judge you, you’re going to struggle socially in those settings.
Go Where People Are Open
I have a good friend who always tried to meet women at a local coffee shop. He didn’t really succeed. And, one quick look in the coffee shop shows why: lots of people at their laptops, reading books, and listening to music on headphones. These activities don’t exactly scream “talk to me!” In fact, they say, “leave me alone.” And, when he tried to strike up conversations, they didn’t go well.
To meet new people, you’ll want to find locations where others are actually looking to meet new people. A few places where people are open to interaction are bars, clubs, festivals, concerts, singles groups, and networking meetings. Men and women are generally more closed to interaction at gyms, religious services (except maybe during social time afterwards), stores, and other places where they have other priorities than meeting others.
Do Your Research
Be creative when it comes to going out. Don’t just go to the typical hangout down the road where everyone knows you (and wants nothing to do with you). Find new events and venues. Some places offer deals and other incentives to come in, which is another plus. You may not like what they offer, but you can at least try. You don’t have to go back.
A good place to find events and new places is through Facebook events or MeetUp, a website and app. Eventbrite and other local websites often have geographically close events. If you feel a little awkward trying something new, then invite a friend to go with you.
Hopefully, these four tips will be helpful in deciding where to go out. Of course, once you are out, you’ll have to put on your charm. We have advice for that too. Visit our blog and social media pages to get even more tips and techniques.