Don’t be a jerk. Sure, some people seem to like jerks, but typically not for long. What women and men really like from a guy is confidence, self-assurance, and genuine strength and power.
A jerk can mimic those valued traits for awhile, but he is usually ultimately exposed. A jerk is basically a guy who can fake confidence for awhile, but then he’s discovered. Don’t be like this. Be a real man. Here are a few tips.
Tip One: Don’t Be So Self-Centered
I value myself and promote myself first. I really do. However, I try to at least keep the needs of others in consideration and do my best to meet those needs when possible at the same time.
Never sacrifice your own needs for the needs of others (the definition of co-dependence), but don’t be a parasite either, i.e. always sucking the life of others for your own benefit. Remember, a rising tide lifts all boats. When you build up yourself, bring others up with you.
Also, remember that while you can be the center of attention, every situation isn’t all about you. Some of the most popular and successful people meet the needs of others while also meeting their own needs. But, that requires actually trying to be concerned about the needs of others first.
Tip Two: Pity the Weak
In high school, a guy I knew drew an obscene gesture on a piece of paper. While that’s not totally unusual for a high school male, he did it on a photo that belonged to a mentally challenged girl. Even the meaner guys knew he crossed a line. And, he did.
If you’re going to be a real man, then you have to stand up to the unjust and the dangerous. However, you need to stand up for the weak, like the elderly, the young, and the mentally challenged. If you pick on these groups, then you’re not tough. You’re just a jerk.
Remember too, that if you’re successful and confident, it was typically a process that got you there. Other people may not have arrived yet. Give them a break. I’m sure others gave you a few throughout your path to success.
Tip Three: Build Up, Don’t Tear Down
If I see a building on fire, it’s pretty easy to point out all the problems. However, to actually find a way to stop it from burning and save everyone? That takes a genius. The same should be true of you. Even the slowest people can find fault. But it takes someone intelligent and creative to actually find solutions to life’s problems.
So, quit complaining all the time and be a part of the solution. Chances are your family, friends, and co-workers, etc. have enough problems without you always pointing out new ones. And, if you can solve some of them, they’ll love you for it. But, if you do find solutions to the problems…don’t lord it over everyone for days after!
Tip Four: Don’t Be An Energy Suck
We all know them. They walk into the room and it seems like everyone inhaled carbon monoxide. They are energy sucks. They take up everyone’s emotional energy and time. Don’t be an energy suck. Create positive energy and build others up. Don’t bring people down and take the fun and the life out of every situation.
One way to do this is to be empathetic. Each time you enter a situation, remember that everyone has ups and downs and baggage. Your goal is to win them over and make them your fans, not fight them, judge them, or bring them down.
If you find yourself getting worked up, take a deep breath and calm down. Ask yourself, “will my actions make me more successful and popular?” Or, “will I regret this tomorrow?”
While confident guys are loved, jerks ultimately wear thin on most people. Be strong, confident, and even a little cocky. But, don’t be a jerk.