When I worked as a teacher, one of my bosses was not a nice person. In fact, she was a jerk. No one liked her and she literally once asked teachers to stop laughing so much around students. Yes, if you take laughter from children, you are definitely a jerk.
Don’t be a jerk. We don’t need more of them. Sure, it does seem that some people like jerks. After all, jerks seem to move up at work. And, women tend to like guys who are on the jerk side. However, the truth is different. People value traits like confidence, self-assurance, genuine strength and power. Most people don’t really want jerks, but they’d take a jerk over a weak loser any day.
Don’t be a weak loser. But, don’t be a jerk either. The world needs more strong, good, assertive men and women. Not more jerks. If you are a jerk or know someone who is, this article is for you. Here are four tips explaining how to stop being a jerk.
Don’t Be So Self-Centered
There’s nothing wrong with valuing yourself and looking out for your own interests. However, keep the needs of others in consideration and do your best to meet those needs when possible at the same time.
Never sacrifice your own needs for the needs of others (the definition of co-dependence), but don’t be a parasite either, i.e. always sucking the life of others for your own benefit. Remember, a rising tide lifts all boats. When you build up yourself, bring others up with you.
Also, remember that while you can be the center of attention, every situation isn’t all about you. Some of the most successful people meet the needs of others while also meeting their own needs. For example, professional musical artists and entertainers provide great value to their fans. Do you give to others or just control them?
Treat Weaker People With Respect
In high school, a guy I knew drew an obscene gesture on a piece of paper. While that’s not totally unusual for a high school male, he did it on a photo that belonged to a mentally challenged girl. Even the meaner guys knew he crossed a line. And, he did.
If you’re going to be a good person, then you have to stand up to the unjust and the dangerous. However, you need to stand up for the weak, like the elderly, the young, and the mentally challenged. But, this also includes vulnerable people in your life, like subordinate employees, weaker family members, and so on. If you have to dominate others to get your way, you aren’t tough. You’re just a jerk.
Remember too, that if you’re successful and confident, it was typically a process that got you there. Other people may not have arrived yet. Give them a break. I’m sure others gave you a few throughout your path to success.
Build Up, Don’t Tear Down
If I see a building on fire, it’s pretty easy to point out all the problems. However, to actually find a way to stop it from burning and save everyone? That’s a lot more difficult. The same should be true of you. You don’t have to be special to find fault and create issues. But, it takes someone intelligent and creative to actually find solutions to life’s problems.
So, quit complaining all the time and be a part of the solution. Chances are your family, friends, and co-workers, etc. have enough problems without you always pointing out new ones. And, if you can solve some of them, they’ll love you for it. But, if you do find solutions to the problems…don’t use it to further control others!
Don’t Be An Energy Suck
We all know them. They walk into the room and it seems like everyone inhaled carbon monoxide. They are energy sucks. They take up everyone’s emotional energy and time. Don’t be an energy suck. Create positive energy and build others up. Don’t bring people down and take the fun and the life out of every situation.
One way to do this is to be empathetic. Each time you enter a situation, remember that everyone has ups and downs and baggage. Your goal is to win them over and make them your fans, not fight them, judge them, control them, or bring them down.
If you find yourself getting worked up, take a deep breath and calm down. Ask yourself, “will my actions make me more successful and win me fans?” Or, “will I regret this tomorrow?”
While confident guys are loved, jerks ultimately wear thin on most people. Be strong, confident, and even a little cocky. But, don’t be a jerk.