Sometimes the truth can hurt. This is a truth that hurts. But it needs said. If you’re a guy and you’re single, it’s your fault. While women have their problems and can be huge pains in the butt, a single guy can’t blame women for his lack of dates. Nor can he blame society, his parents, the lack of social events in his small town, or any other excuse. If you’re a single guy reading this, you can find the reason for your singleness by looking in one place: the mirror.
Keep an open mind and listen before you immediately react and get upset. Guys, we are here to help. We are your friends who want you to meet the girl of your dreams. There is no judgment here, only insight we think you can use. It might get you in the relationship of your dreams.
They Let Her Do The Work
We have guys tell us all the time that they post an online profile on a dating site then only receive a couple of messages. Or they go to a club and no girl even comes up to them. Oh, the humanity! Of course, successful daters know that it’s the guy’s job to do the work.
I know it might seem unfair in 2014 for a guy to do the bulk of the work. And, there are definitely women out there who will take the lead, at least in some capacity. But, these women are rare and it usually only happens when they’re really attracted to a guy. For the average guy with the average woman, he’s going to have to do the bulk of the work, meaning approach, close, and moving the relationship along.Yes, this is true, even among modern, independent women.
David and I know females who have “crushed” on guys for years and have never said a word to them. Virtually every thought they have may be directed toward these guys, but they have said nothing to them….ever.
They Deny Biology
The vast majority of guys are clueless about attraction. They don’t pay attention to the kinds of men women date and they certainly don’t understand the biological basis for romance and relationships. Lots of guys even lament the biological reality of attraction, preferring (single) ignorance to the reality of things.
However, love isn’t some “out there” spiritual notion. Human love is grounded in biological processes just like every human function. Attraction is also biological. A guy can do certain things to make himself insanely attractive to a woman. Certain things he does will also turn her off. Each technique might not be one hundred percent reliably effective, but there are techniques that push biological “attraction buttons.” If a guy thinks attraction is mystical or spiritual, he’s only fooling himself.
How to be attractive is something a guy can learn, just like he can learn the quadratic equation, the chemical formula for Iron, or the molecular weight of Bromelain.
They Think Being Nice Means Something
Sometimes guys will be asked to talk about themselves and they describe themselves as “nice.” Guess what? It means nothing. Let me say, I think being nice is great. Everyone should be nice, friendly, and cordial.
But, when it comes to attraction, being nice means absolutely zilch. There is nothing in a woman’s brain that says, “this guy is nice, so I’d better go have sex with him.” In fact, being overly nice, as in passive, can be a detriment.When a woman says she is looking for a nice guy, she really means this: “I am looking for a guy who is confident, funny, attractive, successful, and a little ‘edgy/bad boy-ish,’ and I really, really hope he is also nice.”
Women are wired to want strong, powerful provider and protector types. If being nice means you are bland, passive, and weak, then it’s actually a liability.
So, be excellent, be good, be awesome. Even be nice. But if “nice” is all you have going for you, then you need to go to the last point.
They Don’t Better Themselves
Which guys do women truly desire? I don’t mean settle for, but seek. They’re the actors, musicians, athletes, CEO’s. Those with power, strength, and money. While every guy can’t aspire to those heights, the same principles work on a smaller level. So, a guy can nurture a talent, get in great shape, move up at work, earn more money, man up, etc. Yet, a lot of guys have bought into the lie that women will love them if they “be themselves.” Yeah, how’s that working out for the perpetually single guy who works at Wal-Mart and lives with his mom?
Guys who want girlfriends, especially quality ones, need to continually be improving. Lose weight. Get off your butt. Go back to school. Develop some skills. If you’re single and you haven’t improved yourself, do it. You’ll find that women are much more open to dating you at the very least.
So, I hate to break the bad news (actually not really). But, guys, if you’re dateless, you have only yourself to blame. But, it’s OK. There is help. Just be smart enough to seek it.