An occasional trip over to the Short subreddit, or some other sites related to being “height-challenged,” almost always leads me to read the occasional “poor me” woes of short guys.
Many short guys truly have have been beaten down and some have turned bitter. Frankly, I get their bitterness. But, if you have time to spend hours complaining on online, you have time to learn how to overcome the weakness of being short, which is a weakness in the dating market (whether you like it or not). So yeah, that is the bad news, but bear with me. Keep reading. I don’t think being short is really the weakness people say.
Okay, this article is not going to tell you how to become physically taller. That is left to the fine and totally legitimate websites that promote leg-bone breaking, hypnosis (the great hypnotist Milton Erickson supposedly hypnotized a guy into growing taller, as told in the excellent book Ericksonian Approaches), stretching, and other questionable tactics.
I misled a little in the title on purpose. I am going to tell you how to be perceived as having more power, confidence, and status, which, may I add, leads people of both sexes to estimate you as taller than you are. These are also traits that women find attractive in all men, regardless of height. Be sure to check out the sister article to this one, showing that women are ultimately looking for power in guys.
When I was in high school I was always worried about my height. These days, I am 5’7″ on a normal workday, but closer to 5’8.5″ in my favorite black boots. So yeah, I’m considered “short.” Back then, I was obsessed with my height, always comparing myself to other guys and women in that department. When I would see a shorter guy with a decent woman, I would take heart that I had hope. I became an expert at determining how my height compared to those around me. And you know what this did? It immediately made me unattractive.
I guarantee my insecurity showed to the women around me, given that they can read body language better than us dudes. I was in a negative feedback loop…my shortness led to insecurity which then made me doubly unattractive.
Women, when polled, like taller guys. Sometimes they advertise it to you. That is the bad news for short guys. However, when polled, people say all kinds of dumb things that don’t match up to what they actually do. Plenty of hot women date short guys. And, women also like many other traits in guys too: confidence, humor, muscularity, and intelligence, for example. So while she may prefer tall guys, she may overlook it if you have other traits that she desires. Guys do it too. We may overlook smaller boobs (if you prefer them large) if the body is nice, for instance.
In the animal kingdom, taller and bigger signals confidence and dominance. So among apes, cats, etc, size is probably a good indicator of overall testosterone levels. And, this relates to dating because higher testosterone levels are associated with larger partner counts in men.
Hence, it’s possible women prefer taller guys because it seems to be a “tell” that these guys are higher more dominant and higher in testosterone, and therefore will produce strong offspring. One study seems to suggest this connection to height. This is why I believe, by default, women like tall guys. It is like a quick, unconscious analysis of a guy’s evolutionary value. And, apparently men also associate height with power, since more powerful men estimate themselves as being taller.
This is also why I believe height in a guy is an initial advantage, all other things equal, which means that if a woman is looking at two guys from afar, or during an initial approach, she will prefer the tall one to the short one. However, height is not necessarily what she is after. It is testosterone (signaled primarily by dominance/power/status) she is seeking. And, with the right moves, and a chance to interact, a shorter guy can prove he has the “T” necessary to compete. He just has to work a tad harder because her “quick take” is that short=low T.
You may think resting your social future on testosterone is crazy, but one study showed males in leadership have more testosterone in their systems. Women find men with more testosterone more attractive. A recent study showed women prefer dominant men to attractive men, which means that being confident (filled with Testosterone) can even trump being a tall all-American boy.
What does all of this mean? It means that increasing your testosterone is what it takes to be perceived as more attractive, and also, dating more women (the two likely related). The bad news is you can’t likely grow taller, but you can increase your testosterone levels naturally (no illegal drugs!).
Before I say more, remember that testosterone is not about some goatee wearing idiot in the gym with his hat backwards doing a hundred bicep curls while listening to Limp Bizkit songs. I knew a guy in high school like that. I think his arm was one big bicep; I think they absorbed his triceps, which he never worked. He rarely got women. Other guys kind of admired his ability to never leave the dungeon of a weight room our school had at the time, but women didn’t care much for him. Actually, far from the stereotype that higher T leads to incessant rage and the need to fight outside bars named after Jim or Bob, higher testosterone dudes are actually calmer and friendlier (yep, just read The Men’s Health and Women’s Health Big Book of Sex). In other words, the powerful, but calm and collected CEO of a local business is more likely to be pumped full of testosterone than the grunting guy in the gym who is just a grunt (pun-intended) down at the same local business.
So, how do you increase your testosterone? The first thing you need to do is exercise, with some aerobic intensity, on a regular basis. And, definitely add in some weight resistance, and you will get even more T. If you are fat, lose weight. Bigger waistlines=lower testosterone. Some supplements like Fenugreek may increase testosterone, but there is debate about that. I wouldn’t pin it all on an herb, although since it is cheap, I do take it.
Also, while it is debated about raising testosterone levels (the studies conflict), you can project dominance by taking more dominant body language.
When you walk, walk with your head up and chest out. Develop swagger. Look people in the eye. State your opinion. Don’t agree with people all the time. Stop head-nodding to everything someone says. Get my point? All of this may seem awkward at first, but soon you’ll find, thanks to a cool positive feedback loop, that after you fake it for a while, it will eventually become natural, and one day you’ll just be confident, loaded with more testosterone.
So, this requires some work. Get in shape? Check. Lose weight? Check. Start acting confident? Check. Stop feeling sorry for yourself? Absolutely check. Maybe get off reddit for a while and meet people? Check.
Recently, nobody seems to care about my height. Nobody. Women tell me how hot, cute, etc, I am all the time. Many times they are ten years younger and sometimes taller than me. If they give me a hard time about my height, I turn it into a chance to flirt and tease them back. My “I-know-I’m-confident-and-I-don’t-give-a-shit-what-you-think-but-I’ll-gladly-flirt-with-you” attitude turns my height into a positive…something to flirt about.
And you know what? Because most short dudes are whiny, when I prove how confident I am, it wins me even more points. They are expecting to roll over me, make me cringe or cry, or perhaps score a few self-esteem points for themselves at my expense, and when I respond in a confident and charming way, I become even more attractive, because I am miles away from what they thought I would be. Got it?
Will there be girls that won’t find you attractive because of your height? Sure. There are girls that don’t find guys attractive for a variety of reasons. But with some basic tips you can radically up your value and level the field a lot.
So, men of short stature, quit whining and start winning. Buy our book Size Doesn’t Matter for specific dating advice for short guys. You won’t find another book like this guys. Also, our general flagship book, Be Popular Now, will help you to get started. I wrote another article related to obesity and testosterone that is worth reading if you want to start raising your testosterone. Also, as I mentioned earlier, this article was expanded to some degree in another article I wrote about women loving men with power.
There are two types of short guys in the world, those that are short and whine about it and end up lonely, and those that learn how to be confident and get more dates than most tall guys.