Texting is a beautiful invention. There’s nothing like being able to instantly communicate with someone. But, as everyone knows, texting (or any other form of instant messaging) is a double edged sword. Instant communication means you can immediately contact anyone anytime: a good thing if it’s that message from the hot girl you met the night before, but a bad thing if it’s your boss calling you in on a Saturday morning.
Texting in dating sounds great in theory, but has many of the same problems. Those with a smooth and charm “text game” will find more success than those who can’t master the art of texting for dating.
The biggest question I get asked by clients and random people is this: “how long should you wait to text a girl?” Many “gurus” have various rules about texting and things get confusing. Some say wait 24-hours. Others say do it immediately. However, my answer is a little more complicated and varies by scenario.
When Getting A Number
If you get a girl’s number, whether at a club, coffee shop, from work, on the street, or anything like that, then the question of when to text becomes complicated. Most guys overthink this, not wanting to appear needy, but also not wanting to lose her attention.
I usually recommend waiting a couple of hours in this scenario and here’s why: you know she at least has some attraction to you since she gave you her number. So, there’s no gigantic hurry. Waiting a little bit shows that you’re patient, not needy, and that you have a life. Plus, if you stopped talking to her for whatever reason, then instantly texted her, why didn’t you just continue talking in person? Texting should never replace real world interaction if it’s available.
When Dating Online
You get a match on Tinder, you message the girl. She gets back to you. How soon should you respond? My advice is to respond quickly. True, you don’t want to appear too needy and available, but the nature of online dating has altered my usual advice.
Attractive women get a lot of messages when they date online. They literally might be messaging 25 guys at once. If you take too much time to respond to a conversation, you’re going to go from first in her messages list to 25th. And, unless you’re amazingly attractive, this means you’re going to get ignored and the conversation will die.
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If you’re messaging an attractive girl on a dating app, I advise texting back in a couple of minutes if you’re free. You have to strike while the iron is hot and she’s interested, otherwise other guys will jump in line and she’ll lose interest in you.
Once you’ve gotten in a good back and forth for several messages and built rapport, try to get her actual number. Then, you can text under more normal circumstances.
General Texting Guidelines
First, don’t be needy, desperate, or clingy. If she’s taking awhile to get back to you, relax and don’t freak out by sending her a barrage of needy or angry texts. No person wants to return to their phone from a legitimate activity (like napping or working) to a bunch of “where are you?” or “answer me!” texts.
Second, be excellent enough that you don’t text all the time. I’m not saying to purposefully hold off on texting her as some “rule.” Rather, actually have a life that doesn’t allow you to text all day. So, go to the gym, have a good job, pursue meditation time, and so on. That way, you won’t always be available to text. A break in texting at times is healthy and good for relationships. Let her miss you a little.
Third, related to the second point, enjoy the moment. If you have a life, and you enjoy that life, you won’t be pulling out your phone to text all the time. You’ll be enjoying the people you’re with and the situations you’re in, and won’t even have to unhealthily obsess over some texting schedule: you’ll text when you have the time to enjoy it.
Fourth, don’t double text. This is when you text someone, that person doesn’t respond, so you text again later. In general, if someone doesn’t respond to you, that means he or she doesn’t want to message you. There might be exceptions, but generally, avoid double texting, especially women you like. If you are on their mind, trust me, you’ll get a reply eventually and likely sooner than later. If you don’t, you’re not as important as you thought.
Finally, don’t let insecurity drive your texting habits. As I mentioned in the third point, live in the real world moment and text when you’re free and ready. If you have to make a woman wait an hour or two because you’re enjoying time with your mom, that’s fine. Remember: you are the prize. Don’t feel rushed into responding one way or the other out of fear and insecurity.