Relationships can change, sometimes rapidly. All guys can tell stories of meeting a girl, getting to know her better, and thinking she’d be a great girlfriend. But, then she leaves your life, sometimes abruptly.
Perhaps you had a romantic relationship and it didn’t work out. Maybe she was direct and ended it. Or, perhaps she left you hanging, either through outright ghosting or the slow fade.
Maybe you met her at your old job and haven’t texted her in a long time because you’re both busy. Perhaps it was a university friendship and you both graduated. Whatever the reason, if you’re reading this article, you still have some interest in her!
I’m going to explain how to text a girl you haven’t talked to in a long time. I’ll walk you through the basics and a few tips.
Ask Yourself Why
If you haven’t seen a girl in awhile, you’ll have to do an honest assessment and ask yourself “why?” about two main issues.
First, why did you two lose contact? If your relationship simply fell apart, life happened, or you just want to rekindle something good, then you’re probably in a good place to text that girl from your past.
Now’s a good time to take our entertaining and informative “What Is Your Dating/Relationship Texting Style” Quiz. See if your texting style is holding you back!
However, if she ghosted you, broke up with you, or blocked you, then you might want to reconsider reconnecting. After all, there’s a good chance she doesn’t want you to text her out of the blue. Not only that, but why would you want to text her? Remember, there are many fish in the sea.
Second, you need to ask yourself why you want to reconnect with someone from your past. Is it because she was truly special and you’re wanting an intense connection? Or, is it crutch because you’re lonely and not meeting new people?
It’s good to know your intentions. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know how to text a girl you haven’t talked to in a long time, just don’t put all your eggs in one basket, which stops you from meeting new people.
Make An Impression
If you haven’t talked to someone in a long time, then you’re probably not on that person’s mind. It could be that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But, most likely, the person you want to message has moved on and doesn’t think about you. You might not have even been that special in the the girl’s past. She might have thought your were boring, average, or just an acquaintance, even if you have strong feelings for her.
But, that’s OK. You can still text her and get her interested in you. But, first you’re going to have to make a positive impression. You do this by coming across as an interesting, fun person who is worth reconnecting with.
It sounds kind of Darwinian, but what reason does she have to text you? You need to give her one!
You do this by being compelling and intriguing. You want her to read your text and think, “I remember how cool he was!” or “I didn’t think he was this interesting.” The key is that you want her new impression of you to be a very positive one.
So, make your first and following texts witty, interesting, and attention grabbing. Don’t go overboard, but definitely find ways to stand out. This is especially important if you and her didn’t have a very close relationship. If she stopped texting you because you were bland and boring, this is your only way to get back in her life!
Give A Reason
One danger of texting a woman you haven’t talked to in a long time is that you can come across as creepy or weird. You might feel this is unfair. But, look at it from her perspective: she hasn’t heard from you in awhile and might wonder what your deal is.
As a woman, she probably gets hit on or messaged all the time by random guys, most of which want to get in her pants. So, when she gets a text from you, she puts up her guard thinking that you’re like everyone else.
One way to assuage her fears is to let her know you’re texting her for a reason, one that is genuine and not about hooking up. Even if your eventual goal is to hook up or date her, you need to at least give her another explanation as to why you’re messaging her after such a long absence.
It doesn’t have to be a major reason. In fact, the easiest thing to say is that you saw something that reminded you of her and decided to message her. It could be anything along those lines. It just gives you “cover” as to why you’re reengaging her after a long time not texting. Be truthful about your reason, though. If you need to, go out and find something that reminds you of her!
This text establishing a reason doesn’t have to be your first message, but you should state your initial reason fairly soon so she can let down her guard a little. If she thinks you’re a creep, you’re going to have a hard time reestablishing a texting relationship.
The final aspect in texting a girl you haven’t talked to in a long time is to work on building rapport. You’ll need to get to know each other and she’ll need to become comfortable with you if you want any kind of relationship.
The good new is that you have known this girl in the past, so rapport building doesn’t have to come out of the blue or involve guesswork. You should know enough about her to “hit the ground running.” The easiest way is to ask questions based on your past experiences or even talk about the past.
You could ask, “Do you still live in New Albany?” or say “I heard J-Bar closed. We had many good times there, didn’t we?”
But, while you can start with the past, you always want it to be a way of connecting with her in the present. Don’t make it all about “going down memory lane.” Instead, use memory lane as a way of learning about her in the present and, above all, making her a part of your present.
The rapport building process is, essentially, getting to know her and rebuilding (or even building) a meaningful text conversation, one that hopefully leads to a real world relationship that you both want.
So, these tips will help you text a girl you haven’t talked to in awhile. While there’s no guarantee anything will come of it, at the very least you know you tried!