In university, I dated a girl who was very sensitive about arguments. We had a fight on Halloween that upset her. At times, she could be ridiculous. But, this fight was entirely my fault and she had every right to complain about my behavior.
I tried to apologize, but she didn’t even want to talk to me. It was frustrating because I wanted to do the right thing and move on, but she was still angry.
It’s not uncommon for one partner to forgive more slowly. It might not be mature to drag out a fight, but it’s how some people operate. And, if you’re the one wanting to apologize and reconcile, it can be frustrating when the person won’t even talk to you!
This article is going to explain how to apologize to a person who doesn’t want to talk to you. These tips should help you reach out to that person and hopefully achieve forgiveness and resolve your issues.
This is an unusual first piece of advice, but hear me out! If you want to apologize to someone who won’t even talk to you, it can be very stressful. It could be driving you crazy since you just want some closure and peace of mind.
That’s why the important first step is to relax and take a few deep breaths. You can’t let your own desperation and anxiety guide the apology process. You don’t want to say or do anything that makes you look bad or jeopardizes the relationship.
After you’ve calmed down, then you can start to try to repair this relationship. In an anxious and desperate state, people typically mess things up, including apologies.
Give Them Space And Time
The girl I dated in university liked me a lot and we got along well. Fights are a normal part of any relationship and she and I, even though young and immature, knew that.
So, any strong relationship will survive a fight. And, if the person you want to say sorry to needs time and space, then you’ll have to simply respect that as a part of the process of making up.
Admittedly, some people won’t need any space or time to forgive. Some people want to resolve any disagreement quickly. Others, however, could need several hours or even days to fully recover from an argument or issue. Respect that process and give your partner the time and space needed.
Now, this doesn’t give that person the right to play with your emotions by “punishing you” and stringing you along. But, a genuine need for space and time to feel better is legitimate.
Show Them You’re Sorry
Now, I’m not advocating any grand gestures like sending them flowers, buying them chocolates, etc. If you truly messed up and the other person is mad, these aren’t going to make a big difference in getting him or her to accept your apology. Save those for when you’ve made up. Otherwise, it’ll just be weird and seem like sucking up.
But, you can still show the person that you’ve changed by being kind, friendly, and open to interaction with them. If you live together, make her morning coffee. If you see him at work, say “hi,” and so on. Don’t go overboard, but just show that you are contrite and want to reconcile.
Apologize Sincerely And Only Once
When someone is upset with you, you can say you’re sorry until you’re blue in the face. Guess what effect that will have? If you said, “none,” you’re right.
People have to be ready to accept it for an apology to succeed. However, you still need to do the right thing and offer the apology.
You’ll want to make sure your apology is sincere and phrased properly. Here is a good process:
- Say “I’m sorry.”
- Explain what you did wrong.
- Tell him/her you’re going to make sure it doesn’t happen again and/or make amends
This 3 step process is important because you’re expressing contrition for what you did wrong and taking responsibility for making the situation right.
Too many apologies are vague and unclear. They also don’t involve making things right. If you apologize in the correct fashion, the person may still may not want to talk to you. But, at the very least, you know that you did the right thing.
Reach Out, Then Let It Go
If the person won’t talk to you long enough to even hear your apology, then you can always resort to social media, texting, or calling.
If you try this, be careful. I would advise waiting a few days if the person won’t talk to you in person. If he or she is ignoring your texts to reach out, then you can still send an apology.
However, never, ever post a long, needy, whiny apology on a public forum. It will just make you look cringey and the person you like isn’t going to forgive you any quicker if everyone is laughing at you on Instagram. But, sending a private message, then leaving the person alone is fine.
Once you’ve made an effort to reach out and apologize, the ball is no longer in your court. Most people will become less angry and upset in a few hours or days. That’s the point at which they will accept or reject your apology. Any time after that and you’re most likely going to remain ignored and not forgiven.
You could reach out again a few weeks later as follow up. However, there will come a point when you’ll just have to recognize that your apology isn’t going to be accepted and the relationship as you know it is over.
You could always resurrect it later down the line. But, at the present, you’ll just have to let go.
So, this article should help you know how to apologize to a person who won’t talk to you. It’s a difficult proposition, for sure, with no guarantee of success. But, at the very least these tips should help you get closer to forgiveness.