Fighting with your girlfriend, wife, or even a girl you’re just dating can be a bad experience, especially if it happens a lot. No one enjoys the negative flow of emotions from such events. However, the followup can be even worse: the dreaded apology!
When emotions are running wild, it’s easy to say and do stupid things. Once you calm down, you realize exactly how stupid you were and that you’re going to have to swallow your pride, apologize, and repair the relationship.
But, many guys have trouble apologizing to girls. They do it in a way that just makes her angrier or they make themselves look weak, needy, and unattractive. Knowing how to apologize to a girl is a bit of an art, one that a lot of men simply haven’t mastered.
This complete guide will explain how to apologize to women in a way that is sincere, authentic, and still makes you look good.
Only Apologize If It’s Your Fault
Growing up, a family friend told me his “rule of a happy marriage.” It’s that, whenever there’s a fight, the guy says he’s sorry. Voila, happiness! While he told it in jest, it’s actually horrible advice that many guys nonetheless follow in their relationships with women.
If you mess up and are in the wrong, then definitely and absolutely apologize. But, if you didn’t do anything wrong or she’s just being a jerk, you shouldn’t apologize. You can acknowledge her feelings, work to resolve the conflict, and find compromises. But, approach it from that perspective and never apologize when you have no reason to take blame. It won’t lead to relationship happiness. And, asking forgiveness for something you didn’t do will show the woman you’re a pushover and make you feel frustrated and unhappy.
Don’t Apologize Over Text
One of my good friends used to fight with his old girlfriend a lot. They had a very passionate love-hate relationship. They’d have a big blow up, she’d run out of the house mad, then he would try to apologize over text. It usually just made her more upset.
It’s best to say sorry in person if you can. When she can actually see your face and hear the sincerity in your voice, she’s more likely to accept your apology. In addition, it’s hard for her to stay mad if she’s looking at the person she loves.
Over text, however, she doesn’t have the benefit of any of this. Plus, she can’t read tone or body language. If your wording isn’t just right, it’s easy for her to misinterpret what you’re saying or read into your words what isn’t there.
Apologize in person if you can. If seeing her would require a lot of delay or difficulty, then call her to say sorry. Only apologize over text as an absolute last resort. And even then, follow the tips in this guide carefully.
Give Her Space
I once dated a girl who, after an argument, hated talking. She would be so emotionally volatile that talking to her was pointless for at least an hour or two. Many women (and men) are like this. If you know the woman will need space before you can begin discussing apologies, give it to her. Otherwise your apology will just be rejected and the fight will continue.
Go out with your buddies, hit the gym, read or watch TV in another room. Don’t pester her trying to calm her down or get her attention. For one, you don’t want to be needy. Also, giving her time and space will make your apology more successful and conflict free.
When you apologize to a girl, the manly, genuine thing to do is to be authentic and just say the reality of it. If you’re truly in the wrong, you’ll have to own up and take personal responsibility for your actions. Take your consequences, even if it means she dumps you.
You can explain yourself if you feel it’s necessary. After all, she might even want to know some details of why you did what you did. However, if your “explanation” turns into excuse making, just stop. She’ll appreciate you being upfront rather than whiny and manipulative. Most guys wondering how to apologize to a girl they like, think it has to be a long-winded affair. It doesn’t.
Don’t Suck Up
Many guys turn apologies into grand, sappy affairs. They think the way to a woman’s forgiveness is through elaborate, romantic gestures that are basically sucking up. I used to be a teacher and I hated suck-ups more than anything. Women feel the same way. And, they know when you’re doing it.
If she loves you and finds you attractive, your open and honest apology will be enough. Now, feel free to do something nice for her. But, do it in a general sense because you love her, not because you’re worried she won’t accept the apology or you feel the need to bribe her into forgiving you.
This also applies to trying to be extra cute, overly complimenting her, and so on.
Once you’ve apologized, there’s no need to talk about what you’ve done wrong or grovel. You can certainly discuss what went wrong and how you’re going to fix your relationship issues in the future.
You need to move forward to changing your behavior and improving the relationship, not dwelling on the past and constantly apologizing. If she wants you to apologize over and over again, it says a lot about the relationship and even the girl.
While she might need time to get over her anger, you shouldn’t have to grovel or relive the past. Apologize, move forward, and give her the space to accept it.
Change Your Behavior
If you’ve apologized and are sincere about it, then you’ll need to not do the behavior again. Change your actions to be a better person, boyfriend, or husband. No one is perfect and you might make the mistake again and need to say you’re sorry again.
But, at least resolve to do better and change your ways, if that’s what you sincerely want to do. Otherwise your apology will just be empty and the girl will clearly see it, at least after some time has passed. A true apology means resolving to quit doing the same stuff over and over again.
So, if you follow this guide, you should be well on your way to an authentic, genuine apology. While you can’t guarantee she will accept it, at least you’ve done the right thing and can be happy with your efforts to save the relationship.