If you’re trying to date in the age of the internet and instant messaging, you’d better be good at texting. The beauty of texting is that it gives you unlimited access to a girl. The downside, of course, is that you’re still separated by distance. So, you’ll still have to figure out how to get her out on a date.
Many guys struggle with actually getting the woman they’re texting out on a date. In fact, one of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that guys become “texting buddies.” They want men to make a move and ask them out, but the guys won’t.
Sometimes it’s fear or lack of interest. But, other times, the guys just don’t know how to ask a girl out over text. Or, they fear rejection and failure. Fortunately, it’s not as difficult as lots of men fear.
This guide will help you ask a girl out over text, so you can get her out on a date!
Ask In Person
This might be unusual for a guide explaining how to ask a girl out over text. But, if you have the chance to ask her out in person, you must do that. Here’s why. If you see a girl often, but you resort to asking her on a date over text, how do you think you come across? If you answered, timid, weak, and insecure, give yourself a gold star!
So, if she’s a co-worker, a fellow student in a class, a girl in your circle of acquaintances, or someone you see frequently, get the courage and ask her out when you see her. You can plan the details over text. But, the actual asking should be in person.
However, there will be women you only know through messaging (like a Tinder match) or those girls you rarely see in person. Those you will definitely need to ask out over text. So, this guide will help you with that.
Read The Signs
No guy wants to be rejected, especially if he feels the relationship has potential to be something special. That’s why, before you stick your neck out and ask the girl out on a date, read the signs to make sure that she’s truly interested. While you should always be bold, you still want to see a few basic signs first. Here are some of them to look for over text.
Quick, Engaging Responses
I knew a girl who would respond to my messages instantly. I might take several minutes or even hours to reply, but she faithfully messaged me back almost the exact moment she received them. I knew she liked me romantically because friends told me. But, her texting habits showed it too.
If the girl you like is quick to text you and is engaging, meaning she doesn’t just give one word answers, but actual conversations, it’s a good indicator that she finds you attractive.
What are the topics of your conversations? Above all, what is the tone? Do you just casually talk about the weather or something you did at work? Friends, family, and total strangers talk that way.
Look for sexual tension in your conversation. Does the topic move to more sexual or romantic matters? Do your conversations often veer towards flirting and discussing adult topics? Even suggestive photos are indicative of sexual tension. If you see this, it’s a great sign she likes you and you should ask her out.
I’ve seen many examples of guys meeting women online and, by the third message they’re asking them out for dinner, drinks, and maybe even sex! Let me give you a secret about women: they don’t think like men.
Guys can be riled up and ready to go just based on a photo (like through online dating). Women, for the most part, need more time to build rapport in order to feel safe. So, if you want to ask a girl out over text, you need to make sure that she is comfortable with you. Even if she’s wildly attracted to you, she’ll never meet you until she feels safe.
You can establish rapport by seeking commonalities, showing her that you’re a normal person with normal interests, and by letting her into your life. This kind of thing can take a little time, which is why you don’t want to ask her out too quickly.
If you have trouble getting to know women, then ask open ended questions about their lives. These are questions that get complex answers. For example, “did you have a good day?” gets a yes or no answer. The conversation dies. Asking, “what did you enjoy most about work today?” is open ended and will start a real conversation.
I just told you to take it slowly, but now I’m going to add to that advice. While you need to get her comfortable with you, that doesn’t mean you can simply sit back, relax, and take your time asking her out on a date.
If you met her online and she’s pretty, then she’s likely meeting and messaging many other guys. Women get way more matches than men. They are competing for her attention and, if she likes one a lot, you could be cut off. You have to show her, in person, how great you are. You do that by getting her out on a date.
So, while you don’t want to rush to where she thinks you’re a creep, you also need to move it along quickly enough that you don’t miss out. The exact time will vary depending on the woman. Generally, if you’ve been getting along and you’ve known her several days, you should start to veer the conversation towards asking her out.
If I asked you for 1,000 dollars, would you give it to me? What if I asked you for a dollar? You still might say “no,” but getting a dollar is easier than getting $1,000. The same is true of getting a woman out on a date.
If she doesn’t know you well, then asking her on a big dinner/date or to your place for a movie could be overwhelming and intimidating. On the other hand, a few drinks at the local bar or coffee shop is less daunting. It’s small, public, and requires little commitment.
Start off by asking her out to do something casual and non-committal. You’ll be more likely to get her out and you can move to bigger and better things from there.
Just Do It
If you see the signs, you want to ask her out, and you feel you have a good chance, then just do it! Overthinking and paralysis by analysis have killed many chances at love for men. Men can be so logical that it hurts their chances at getting into relationships.
The worst she can say if you ask her out over text? No. While that might sting for awhile, it’s not the end of the world. With online dating, you can get right back into it and find someone who will definitely go out with you.