A couple of years ago, I started texting a girl who was pretty and sweet. We went back and forth for a few days, until I felt like I was going to die…of boredom. Quality men (those with solid careers, good looks, and incredible personalities) want more than than a pretty face. If you can’t show a man that you have a genuine personality and a lot to offer, there’s a good chance he’s going to find it elsewhere.
We live in an amazing age of communication. Through texting and other forms of instant messaging like Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, and Snapchat, it’s possible to instantly connect with anyone throughout the world. Naturally, texting has been used extensively in dating and relationships. It can make or break your chances of success in that area.
I’ve written a lot about texting, mostly helping guys with their issues. Now, I’m going to share advice for women. Drawing on my experience as a dating coach (and man), this article explains how to get a guy to text you back.
I’m going to assume that you’re going to want an attractive, high quality guy to be the one texting you back. Getting the creeps and low quality guys to respond isn’t difficult. That’s why this article will focus on the excellent men.
Be Worth His Time
High quality guys want to be with attractive women. I’m not talking about supermodels here. Attractive is a broad quality that includes physical looks, but also personality, and intelligence. What I’m saying is that if you want a guy to give you his time and attention over text, you have to be worth his efforts.
Attractive men often have many dating options (as do attractive women). If you want him to text you regularly, you have to stand out and show him that you’re special enough to warrant his time and energy. Remember that a quality man is successful and busy. He’s not going to spend a lot of time texting someone he doesn’t consider to be worth it.
The good news, however, is that most guys are happy with a woman who is generally pretty, engaging, friendly, and sweet with a good personality. You don’t have to travel the world, have a great job, or be a model to get his attention.
So, if you want a guy to text you back, be attractive, interesting, fun, and engaging. If you have those qualities and show them over text, then most guys will be happy to give you their time and attention.
Take The Lead
My typical day involves getting up about 7:00am, working for around 9 hours, then going to the gym or running for about an hour. Then, at least 4-5 days a week, I’ll see friends or go to some kind of networking event. After that, it’s bed. So, I have very little downtime.
If you’re trying to date a guy who is active, you might have to accept the fact that he gets busy and distracted. At that point, wanting to know how to get a guy to text you back means you might have to take a little initiative.
If you suspect that he’s busy or has a lot going on in his life, then reach out and try to start a conversation if he stopped responding. Also, if he texts you back, but is just slow about it, don’t stress too much. Again, he could just be busy.
Also, you may have to take the lead with a guy who is shy or more reserved, especially if he doesn’t know you well. By messaging him and reconnecting, it could be the spark needed to let him know you like him and start a great relationship.
Many women are reluctant to take the initiative over text, thinking it’s the man’s job. And, I believe guys should take the lead. But, if they don’t and you really like a particular guy, it’s worth it to see what happens. Better that than to constantly live with the regret of not trying.
Send A Casual, Personal Text
If you’re going to take the lead and text him so you can rekindle your relationship, make sure you do it in a way that makes him want to respond. I’ve found that the best way is to send something casual, yet personal. Don’t lecture him for not responding. Don’t just say “hey.”
I usually recommend a couple of ways to get him to start texting you. First, send him a text that creates an incentive to reply. For example, if he’s into running, tell him that you saw a race you think he’d like. If he enjoys a certain band, mention an upcoming concert. This is personal and makes him invested in giving a response. Saying “hey” five times means nothing.
If you don’t have anything to create an incentive, I advice texting him that you saw something that reminded you of him. That way your text doesn’t seem super weird or out of the blue. Of course, find something that actually does remind you of him first!
Unless he is totally not interested in you on any level, these two types of texts should get him back to texting you. Of course, once you get a conversation started, you’ll need to keep it going!
If guys don’t message you back often, then you might not be very engaging. That woman I mention in my first paragraph of the article was boring because she only responded with one or two words, never started conversations, and didn’t seem to make an effort to be interesting.
So, if you sit around waiting for texts that never come, try to be engaging when you actually are texting the guy. This will make sure that you hook him in and get him interested. That way, he’ll be excited to text you and not be thinking up ways to let you down easily through the slow fade or ghosting.
In fact, information released by dating app The League showed that boring openers and bland messages ultimately were one factor that led to ghosting.
Here are a few ways you can be engaging:
- Respond in full sentences, not one or two word answers
- Initiate conversations, not just respond to his efforts
- Use emojis
- Respond in a timely manner
- Be fun and flirty, rather than negative and complaining
If you follow these guidelines, you should be able to get a guy to text you back. In addition, all of this will make a guy more likely to consider you a good texting partner and want to keep a conversation going with you for a long time.
For more tips from the perspective of a man and a dating coach, we invite you to visit our For Women Page