I remember a conversation I had with a girl in high school. She mentioned how she had a crush on her guy best friend. She hated how he would date all of these other girls because she had secret feelings for him. She felt that he should date her.
I’ve written a lot about the friend zone, but it was always related to helping men. However, the friend zone is not just a male phenomenon. As my story above illustrates, plenty of women are stuck in the friend zone with guys too.
As a dating coach and guy, I’m going to give you a little perspective on this issue as well as explain how to get out of the friend zone with a guy.
Read The Signs
I have my own friend zone story from high school. The girl was very popular and cute. We hung out all the time and I always wanted to be more than just friends. But, I was too timid to ask her out. A few months later she dated my cousin.
When I talked to her years later, she confessed that she had a crush on me! It turns out that I didn’t man up and she didn’t have the courage to express herself. As a result, we both just stayed friends.
It’s possible the guy who put you in the friend zone also has feelings for you, but doesn’t have the courage to ask you out. Or, maybe the timing isn’t right. It could be anything! I’m going to list a few signs that he might secretly have feelings for you.
If you see these signs, then knowing how to escape the friend zone with a guy might not be as hard as you think.
Just because a man is shy doesn’t mean he likes you as more than a friend. However, if he’s naturally shyer, it means he’s less likely to come out and express his feelings.
So, if you know that he’s not very outgoing and is generally timid, then it’s possible that he could be holding back his feelings for you or waiting for you to make the first move.
He Doesn’t Date
Usually when women are in the friend zone, they watch helplessly as the guy they like goes out on dates with multiple women. It can be a terrible experience.
However, what if the guy you like doesn’t date at all? What if he chooses to spend his time with you rather than seeking new women to date? If he does this, why he isn’t trying to get into a relationship? It could be many factors. But, one of those is that he might like you.
He Flirts With You
When I was visiting Mexico, I didn’t understand a lot of the language. However, I still was able to pick up on girls flirting with me. And, they clearly, by their reaction, picked up on my flirting back. This is because flirting is the universal human language of romance embedded in us through evolution.
So, if the guy who put you in the friend zone flirts with you, then he clearly finds you attractive in some capacity. Granted, this doesn’t mean there aren’t other barriers holding him back. But, if he flirts with you, it’s a sign there is some raw attraction at the very least.
If you see these signs, you might not be as stuck in the friend zone with a guy as you thought.
Act Like A Girlfriend
Whether you see signs that he likes you or you’re just not sure, there’s one thing you can do to get him to think of you more romantically: act like a girlfriend.
Right now, you’ll need to figure out how he views you. Are you like a sister? Does he think of you like a “guy friend?” Are you “just” a co-worker or acquaintance he sees at the bar on Fridays? Once you figure out how he views you, then you’ll have to get him to think of you differently.
He needs to go from thinking, “she’s just like my guy friend” to “I could see myself dating her.” This isn’t the easiest because opinions are formed quickly and reinforced over time. So, if you’ve known him for awhile, he probably has a solid view of you that won’t be easy to change. But, it’s possible.
You’ll want to reinvent yourself over time. This typically involves two factors. The first is try to be more attractive to him or show it better. People are friends when they share commonalities. They date those they find attractive. Generally speaking, to appear more attractive you can change your hairstyle, lose a few pounds (if needed), wear sexier clothing around him, wear makeup, and improve your hygiene.
If you went on a date with a guy, chances are you’d doll up and look your best. Around your friends you probably relax and are more casual. That’s a good thing! But, if you want to impress your crush and get him thinking of you as a girlfriend, you should put in more effort.
Next, you’ll need to flirt. Friends interact in different ways than lovers. Remember that flirting is the language of romance. It can be hard to teach, but comes down primarily to having fun while creating an air of sexual tension. This article offers tips to flirt to help you succeed in this way.
Take the Lead
When women ask how to get out of the friend zone with a guy, they typically know the ultimate way to achieve this: putting your feelings out there and seeing what happens. However, rarely does this happen.
Every woman knows that sharing her feelings with her guy friend is a huge risk that will forever change the nature of the relationship. Either you’ll get a wonderful boyfriend or the friendship will change. If he doesn’t feel the same then, best case scenario, you’ll be friends, but it will be terribly awkward.
So, you’ll have to decide if you want to take the lead and share your feelings. Figure out if it’s worth the risk. Can you live with just a friendship or do you need more? Can you stay friends any longer holding back your true feelings?
If you know you must share your feelings, then definitely do it. You don’t want to live with regret. However, you also might decide the friendship isn’t worth ending and that you can find romantic love elsewhere.
If you decide to spill your guts, make sure to do it right. There aren’t really a ton of rules. However, I’d advise that you do it in person and speak from the heart. Explain what you feel and why you feel it. Then, actively listen to what he says. Above all, be prepared for the worst outcome.
These tips should help you escape the friend zone with a guy, if he shares those feelings or is able to develop them. However, remember that love is tricky and even the best tips in the world can’t force another person to develop feelings!
For more tips from the perspective of a man and a dating coach, we invite you to visit our For Women Page