When you look around on the internet for texting advice, a lot of it relates to splashy, funny openers that draw in a girl on a dating app. And, that makes sense. If you can’t get a woman to even message back, the rest of the texting process becomes pointless.
However, crafting a witty, clever text opener is pretty easy if you’re not lazy. The real struggle is to keep the conversation flowing. After all, anyone can succeed one time. But, carrying on a sustained texting conversation with a new woman requires tens, if not hundreds of texts.
Lots of guys freak out because they find the conversation turning boring, then dying as she clearly loses interest.
This article will explain how to keep a text conversation going with a girl so that you can ease your anxiety and move the relationship forward.
If you’re currently texting a woman, ask yourself “why?” What are your goals with her? Friendship? Long term romance? Getting a date? Bored and want to waste time? Hooking up?
Now’s a good time to take our entertaining and informative “What Is Your Dating/Relationship Texting Style” Quiz. See if your texting style is holding you back!
These may seem like dumb questions, but asking “why?” is the foundation to carry on a good texting conversation. Many guys are aimless when it comes to dating and relationships. They have a vague idea of what they want, but, they don’t have clear goals. And, without a clear goal, the conversation lacks any sort of guiding purpose.
Once you decide what your goals are with the woman you’re messaging, it will help guide the entire conversation. So, if you just want to be her friend, then you can steer the conversation in that direction. If you want to be her boyfriend, then you move the conversation there. And, so on. Having the end in mind gives you guidance for the path to get there. And, the path to your goals will come through what you say in your text conversation.
Ask Open Ended Questions
Guy: “You have a good day at work?”
Are you bored yet? I’m yawning as I write this. Yet, this represents a typical opening conversation and I wouldn’t blame a girl or a guy for not wanting to keep this text conversation going. This guy makes a fatal mistake with how he asks a question.
Carrying on a good conversation involves rapport building at its core. This means you are bringing out information about the other person while she brings out information about you. If you asked closed questions, you won’t do much sharing and the conversation will be bland.
“You have a good day at work?” is a closed question because the only response is one word. It’s either “yes” or “no.” If your question is set up to get a one or two word answers, then you’ve already doomed the conversation to fail.
Let’s look at an example:
Closed: “What kind of coffee did you have today?”
The answer would be something like “my usual,” “black,” or “Starbucks.”
Open: “How was your morning commute?”
The answer has many components, from traffic to weather to just about anything. This could spur an entire conversation, which is why it’s called open-ended.
Granted, closed questions can spur conversations, but it requires the other person to open them up for you. If both of you are bad conversationalists, it will be boring. Not only that, but women tend to be more passive. As a guy, you have to take the lead generally. That includes leading the conversation in an open direction.
If you have a doubt, open-ended questions often start with “why” or “how.” They will always have multiple answers and allow for explanations rather than one or two word answers. Here is a good, brief guide for asking open ended questions.
A friend of mine has the most interesting Snapchat. He shares videos of him and his friends in cool locales doing fun stuff. Recently he shared his cruise photos. A couple of weeks ago, he posted about a female street performer(?) in Vegas “beating” him with a leather whip, all in the view of an amused crowd.
Women (and men) love seeing what he’s posted and he regularly texts people about his antics. In fact, he doesn’t even have to try to keep a text conversation going with a girl. They are the ones trying to keep him interested!
If you struggle with how to keep a text conversation going with a girl, then it is probably because you’re boring. If you do a lot of fun and interesting things, then the people you text will hang on your every word. You don’t have to resort to tips and tricks, but just honestly share about your life: and they keep coming back for more.
You like dogs? You watch a popular TV show and listen to a popular band? Enjoy traveling? Play video games? Guess what? You’re average. All of that isn’t special. In fact, it’s boring. Unless, of course you have a dog that can perfectly bark out the opening riff to “Stressed Out” by Twenty One Pilots. Now, that will continue a conversation.
So, part of your inability to carry on a conversation over text might be that your life is as boring as your conversations. Or, maybe you’re interesting, you just don’t convey it. Get out and do interesting, quirky, fun things. Then, share them with the girl you like. Voila! I promise she’ll be more interested.
In this video, Jonathan explains the “3 Laws of Texting.” If you want to get the girl, never break these rules!
Get Her Talking About Her Favorite Topic
The final key to keeping a conversation going with a girl over text is to get her to talk about her favorite topic. What is her favorite topic? If she’s like the average woman, or average human, her favorite topic is herself.
While you have to be interesting and ask open ended questions, you also want to getting her talking about herself, whether it’s about her day, her dog, or even her love of pumpkin spice lattes. The best thing is to get women talking about their hopes, dreams, and adventures.
Of course, you want to tie all of this to yourself in some way. Connect with her over your love of dogs, let her know you share her sense of adventure, offer to hang out and have coffee, and show her that you’re also a fun, hopeful person who is going somewhere in life…maybe even with her! That shows her that she can live out her dreams with an amazing, high value guy: you. And, if you aren’t like that, then get on it!
So, these tips will help you keep the conversation going with any girl. Be your best, coolest self and let that shine through. Then, you’ll have no issues connecting with her.