How To Respond When A Girl Says She Would “Never Date You”

Note on a locker saying "no" to a prom date requestNothing is more embarrassing than when you take a risk, ask a girl out on a date, and she responds with something like “I would never date you.” Be sure to add extra humiliation points if she slightly laughs while she says it!

Maybe you didn’t even ask her out, but when you were talking about some aspect of your romantic life, she volunteered her opinion anyway.

Before I give you the  golden line that will allow you to totally take control of this situation by both saving face and maybe even getting a date from her, I want to briefly explain what she means when she says she would “never date you.”

Before I move forward, let me say that if a woman firmly and clearly says “no” to a sexual advance, then stop advancing. That is assault and it isn’t attractive, charming, or legal. Unless you want your next date to be a dude in prison, you’d better stop.

First, when a girl says she wouldn’t date you, you don’t really know what she means. Women and men both love being coy and mysterious in matters of attraction, so don’t assume she has completely ruled out romantic attraction to you just because you hear those words.

Related to this, women sometimes throw out are called “shit tests.” I will refer to them as crap tests from here on, to keep this entry closer to a PG-13 rating. Crap tests are little tests women give men to see if the men in question are confident and worthy of their time. It comes from our evolutionary history, and has to do with testing to see which guys are real providers and protectors. For example, if you are picking up the vibe that she likes you, but she blurts out, “you’re kind of short aren’t you?” and “I have a boyfriend,” you are probably being tested.

Sometimes when a woman says she will never date you, she may have no attraction to you and may be trying to tell you to get away (she may *really* have a boyfriend). In other instances, she senses there could be a romantic spark with you, and she is actually deciding on whether or not you’re good enough for her. When she throws out these “tests,” she is separating the weak (hopefully not you) from the strong.

Less confident guys get angry, flustered, or upset at these tests, and therefore “fail” them. It really is sad to see an insecure guy spend three hours at a club mustering up the confidence to finally approach a girl, usually just before the place closes. Often this involves putting more and more alcohol into his system, until he gets to a point when he can no longer simply stare at her from afar anymore, so he finally approaches.

And, sadly, when she throws out a little test, he crumbles, and you can almost feel his tender heart breaking as his face goes from nervously timid to completely crushed. So, the lesson is, if you want her, you have to pass her tests, which means you stay confident and charming no matter what a woman throws at you!

I am reminded of that scene from Return of the King where Gandalf and the heroes are defending the city, and Gandalf says, “Men of Gondor, whatever comes through that door, you will stand and fight!” Then they see what comes through the door (a huge and hideous beast). After pausing in surprise for about a second, they continue fighting and end up winning. You have to have a similar attitude: whatever she throws at you, you must stay confident and charming, no matter how piercing and heart-wrenching her words might be!

Second, you have to respond properly, for your own sanity. Rejection can be tough. For your own sake, you have to stay confident. If you are experiencing crushing sadness or anger inside, you will never be able to appear calm when responding to her. The line below is funny and cocky, just what you need to “recover” from any pain of rejection!

Ok, so here is the line. I came up with this idea following mile six of a run…all my good ideas come after the six mile. Remember, you must deliver it in a flirtatious and confident way (so don’t show any sadness or anger).

“You’re right; you could never date me. I’m totally out of your league, but if you work hard enough, you might eventually have a chance.”

It is perfect. You are totally re-framing her “rejection” of you by making it about your rejection of her. Not only that, but you are showing that you are confident and have high self-esteem, both attractive traits. If she is testing you with a shit test, you have passed! If she is really rejecting you cold, you have shown that you can handle whatever “rejection” comes your way. And, using this line (or a similar one) may actually mean you won’t be rejected at all!

About David Bennett

David Bennett is author of seven self-help books, and an in-demand speaker and consultant. Over a million readers per year read his online content, and his writings have been referenced in many publications and news outlets, including Girls Life, Fox News, the New York Times, Huffington Post, and BBC. He also writes for The Popular Teen, and other sites. Follow him on Twitter.


  1. clermony says:

    Thanks I will tell you if it worked

  2. Joshua Dona says:

    Haha, I got told by a female she’d never date me, but I didn’t even ask her out. Me and her are just best-friends is what she considers us, I was telling her what if we went out, but she was sorta in the mood and when I mean in the mood she was angry as hell. So when I told her that she said “to be honest I’d never go out with you.” Really, stabbed my heart. And I responded in a calm manner with “I know you want me, I’m too good for you.” But in a humor like way, as if I was joking around but still speaked out.. Idk.. And she also has a boyfriend, I guess it’s ok?

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