Then, she responds and we hear those horrible words, the ones which add insult to injury and pour cups of salt in our wounds: “I would never date you.”
Be sure to add extra humiliation points if she slightly laughs while she says it!
Maybe you didn’t even ask her out, but when you were talking about some aspect of your romantic life or texting her something innocent, but she volunteered her opinion anyway.
Before I give you the golden line that will allow you to totally take control of this situation by both saving face and maybe even getting a date from her, I want to briefly explain what she means when she says she would “never date you.”
Before I move forward, let me say that if a woman firmly and clearly says “no” to a sexual advance, then stop advancing. That is assault and it isn’t attractive, charming, or legal. Unless you want your next “date” to be a dude in prison, you’d better stop.
Ok, back to the point.
First, when a girl says she wouldn’t date you, you don’t really know what she means. Women and men both love being coy and mysterious in matters of attraction, so don’t assume she has completely ruled out romantic attraction to you just because you hear those words.
Related to this, women sometimes throw out what are called “shit tests.” I’ll refer to them as crap tests from here on, to keep this entry closer to a PG-13 rating. Crap tests are little tests women give men to see if the men in question are confident and worthy of their time.
It comes from our evolutionary history, and has to do with testing to see which guys are real providers and protectors. For example, if you are picking up the vibe that she likes you, but she blurts out, “you’re kind of short aren’t you?” or “I have a boyfriend,” you’re probably being tested.
Sometimes when a woman says she will never date you, she may have absolutely no attraction to you and may be trying to tell you to get away (she may *really* have a boyfriend). In other instances, she senses there could be a romantic spark with you, and she is actually deciding on whether or not you’re good enough for her. When she throws out these “tests,” she is separating the weak (hopefully not you) from the strong.
Less confident guys get angry, flustered, or upset at these tests, and therefore “fail” them. It really is sad to see an insecure guy spend three hours at a club mustering up the confidence to finally approach a girl, usually just before the place closes. Often this involves putting more and more alcohol into his system, until he gets to a point when he can no longer simply stare at her from afar anymore, so he finally approaches.
And, sadly, when she throws out a little test, he crumbles, and you can almost see his tender heart breaking as his face goes from nervously timid to completely crushed. So, the lesson is, if you want her, you have to pass her tests, which means staying confident and charming no matter what a woman throws at you!
I am reminded of that scene from the movie Return of the King where Gandalf and the heroes are defending the city, and Gandalf says, “Men of Gondor, whatever comes through that door, you will stand and fight!” Then they see what comes through the door (a huge and hideous beast).
After pausing in surprise for about a second, they continue fighting and end up winning. You have to have a similar attitude: whatever she throws at you, you must stay confident and charming, no matter how piercing and heart-wrenching her words might be! This includes expressing that she’d never date someone like you.
Second, you have to respond properly, for your own sanity. Rejection can be tough. For your own sake, you have to stay confident. If you are experiencing crushing sadness or anger inside, you will never be able to appear calm when responding to her. Not only that, but a confident response allows you to, at the very least, be proud you did the right thing in the midst of her rudeness.
The line below is funny and cocky, just what you need to “recover” from any pain of rejection!
Ok, so here is the line. I came up with this idea following mile six of a run…all my good ideas come after the sixth mile. Remember, you must deliver it in a flirtatious and confident way (so don’t show any sadness or anger).
“You’re right; you could never date me. I’m totally out of your league, but with enough hard work, you might eventually have a chance.”
It’s perfect. You are totally re-framing her “rejection” of you by making it about your rejection of her. Not only that, but you are showing that you are confident and have high self-esteem, both attractive traits. If she is testing you with a shit test, you have passed!
If she is really rejecting you cold, you have shown that you can handle whatever “rejection” comes your way. And, using this line (or a similar one) may actually mean you won’t be rejected at all!
If you’re getting rejected a lot, we invite you to check out the dating advice section of our blog. You’ll find solid, scientifically backed advice to make you so attractive that you’ll have to deal with a lot less rejection to begin with.