A few years back, I dated a good looking, successful woman. We were similar in many ways and got along well. However, the relationship didn’t quite go as planned. Part of it was our fault, some of it was simply outside influences. Either way, the relationship failed.
We would sometimes talk about how our relationship might work if we just could start over! Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a reset button on relationships, something you could just push and instantly reboot a relationship? Wouldn’t it be awesome to undo all of the hurt, toxicity, and pain and revert back to feeling good?
Many couples wonder how to start over in a relationship. They ask if it’s even possible. It can be, but it’s difficult. If you want to try to start over in your marriage, long term relationship, or even with just dating, this article will give you a few tips.
Most failed relationships, at least those where the partners are still attracted to each other, stem from a lack of communication. In some cases, this stems from different communication styles.
Some partners are more introverted and stay in their head. So, there is a problem and they prefer not to talk about it or need a lot of time and space to even be ready to talk. Others are more extroverted, which means they like to talk things out. If you and your partner are different styles, you probably find that communication is frustrating.
It’s not just style, though. Many couples, whether husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend, refuse to communicate about their biggest problems out of cultural conditioning or fear. For example, if you were raised to be a perfectionist, you might not be willing to admit your relationship even has problems. Or, perhaps your main issue is in the bedroom and your religious upbringing makes talking about sexual desires nearly impossible.
However, if you want to successfully start over in a relationship, you’ll absolutely have to learn to communicate more effectively. This means having the tough conversations about what went wrong and then actually addressing those issues. Being able to confront and cleanse the toxicity from the relationship is key and requires great courage. Even couples in marriages and long term relationships have trouble with this!
Once you’ve established the problems openly and honestly, then you’ll have to make sure that the lines of communication stay open. This way, future problems don’t get out of hand to the point where you’re back where you started! Rebooting a relationship one time is tough enough. Good luck doing it twice!
If you look at companies that have suffered problems, they sometimes have to re-brand themselves. They might have run into public relations problems or made a dumb decision. Maybe their brand is just old fashioned.
If you want to start over in your relationship, then you probably need to look inside yourself and make a few changes. We all have areas we can improve. Not only that, but long term relationships can change people. They can cause dependence, neediness, weight gain, and even lowering of testosterone in men.
Ironically, traits that initially make people attractive are independence, being relaxed, health and fitness, and, in men, high testosterone. Oh, and most early relationships are fun loving and carefree as both partners enjoy each other’s company.
If you’re going to start over in your relationship, make an effort to get yourself back to the time when you first fell in love. This can include physical changes like weight loss and looking your best. But, you can also recapture some of the attitudes from early in the relationship: your carefree feelings, willingness to make your partner happy, the passion, and the joy.
Of course, since a relationship involves two people, your partner would need to take the same view. In other words, you’d have to try to become the best versions of yourself, the versions you both fell in love with at the start!
If, however, your relationship started in negativity, like if you were at a low point, then you’ll be doing this to avoid the problems of the early relationship. So, if you were angry, depressed, bitter, on drugs, etc. and you’re better now, you can reset the relationship as a new improved person!
Remake The Relationship
Think back to the time you were in love with someone. It could be your current partner or even a young romance. It felt great. You loved being with that person. You shared your feelings and love and wanted to be with that person all the time. Your brain chemicals of love made you want to be with them forever.
But, as time wore on, the relationship changed. You probably got dependent, needy, and jealous. And, as you started to get closer, you took on more responsibilities like shared leases. Of course, that meant more stress.
Likely, that negativity has greatly impacted your relationship and it consumes your time. Where you used to hang out, laugh, cuddle, and go wild in the bedroom, you now argue about who does the dishes and why the phone bill isn’t paid.
If you want to know how to start over in a relationship, look no further than the start of your own relationship. Try to get back to that point. Usually it means being relaxed, creating adventure, making the bedroom less vanilla, and cutting out stressors. Look at each other as passionate people you love!
Take A Break
Sometimes a new beginning requires an end. You can’t start over without first bringing closure to a bad situation. Perhaps that closure is a break in your relationship. It could be an agreed upon time apart with set rules or even a breakup with the possibility of trying again later. For a married couple it might mean a temporary separation.
But, if you want to start over, then time apart could be an essential part of that. It will give you space and breathing room to work on yourself, explore your options, and simply be apart. Sometimes, time separated reminds you of how much you value your partner. Other times, it will remind you why you need someone new.
But, at the very least, taking a break will allow you to step back from a negative relationship and honestly evaluate it. If it’s not going well, it’s a necessary first step to either start over, or end it for good.
So, if you’re trying to reboot your relationship with your partner, these tips should help you find your way forward. Best of luck!