Want a job? Good! All you have to do is apply to about 200 different positions. If you’re lucky, you’ll hear back from 80. About half of those are scammers or bots. But, of the 40 left, you message them all. 20 contact you back, but 10 of those don’t reply to your reply. But, of the 10 who show interest, you manage to get an interview with 3.
You are fortunate, because 1 of those offers to hire you on a probationary basis. But, after a month of investing lots of time and money, you hear, by text that “you’re just not a right fit for the company” and are let go.
So, it’s back to the drawing board. Time to apply for 200 more positions in the hopes you’ll get a couple of interviews and maybe another trial run…for the dream job you have been promised your entire life.
Sound brutal? It is, but thankfully it’s not the typical job hunting experience. However, this is a common experience for many people trying to date online.
They are told through family, friends, and especially popular culture that “the one” is out there. They are also told “online dating is easy.” So, they go on Tinder, Bumble, or Ok Cupid, and start swiping and liking, only to discover that matches aren’t always common, return messages are rare, and actual dates and relationships even less likely.
People talk a lot about online dating and what’s necessary to succeed there. Be attractive? Absolutely. Have good text game? Definitely. Be unique, funny, and interesting. For sure. But, even having a lot of these positive traits isn’t a guarantee of success.
One recent poll of Tinder users 18-22 found that only 4% were looking for a relationship, compared to 44% using it for confidence-boosting procrastination. That’s right: most users (that age, at least) were there because apparently it’s fun to look at pretty photos of strangers.
That same analysis showed that 70% of Tinder users in that age range never go out on a date! That’s right, only 3 out of 10 people who use Tinder will ever actually get out on a date. You know…the actual goal of the app! This shows that, for the vast majority of people, online dating is very difficult. So, how can anybody, especially average men and women, succeed? Here is the answer:
Resiliency- toughness; the ability to recover quickly from difficulties
There it is. You have to be mentally tough enough to slog through the crap online dating throws at you. Even if you’re attractive, you still have to be resilient. Sure, it might be easier, but all people, attractive, average, and ugly, all know the difficulties of online dating. You know what I’m talking about if you’ve ever tried it:
One word answers like “ya” and “Ok”
People who show up in person looking nothing like their profile pics
And many, many more headaches
Having the mental toughness to not give up and fight through the crap is vital to finding success when trying to date online. Many people just aren’t up to the task or have no desire to be. I don’t blame them. Subjecting yourself to that pain takes a special person. But, there are tips to help find success at resiliency and online dating.
Make it fun
People take online dating so seriously. But, that doesn’t have to be the case. If you try to make the process lighthearted and fun, you can laugh off the difficulties. For example, a girl ghosts you, send her an outrageous gif. A guy sends you an unsolicited junk pic? Mock him for it. Someone tries to scam you? Waste the scammer’s time as a joke.
You don’t have to respond to bad behavior with outrage and stress. Instead respond by making light of the situation and by giving the person doing the bad behavior a hard time. Remember, though, keep it light and funny. Responding angrily or sarcastically isn’t light and funny.
Learn to laugh at actual dates too. Does that girl look twenty pounds heavier and ten years older than her photo? Laugh about it. The guy who claimed to have a Mustang show up in a Nissan truck from 1997? That’s hilarious.
Of course, none of this means you still have to talk to the person or give them chances. But, you can at least find humor in the situation rather than getting angry and dejected.
Lower Your Expectations
Let’s be real. The odds of meeting your soulmate through online dating are pretty slim. So, lower your expectations and have fun with it. Look for friends first. Find fun people to hang out with. Use it as a chance to go on fun dates with attractive people.
However, don’t hold yourself to some stupid standard that every swipe is the difference between meeting “the one” and being forever alone. That’s a lot of pressure and it adds extra stress. So, when people act like jerks, it’s easy to see them as enemies impeding your grand plan. If you lower expectations, you see them for what they truly are: pathetic, but unintentionally funny people who just need to be quietly ignored.
This also frees you to actually have fun, meet cool new people, and have an open mind. These are all things that make life more fun, expose you to lots of new people, and, actually increase your odds of actually meeting…gasp…your soulmate.
So, there you have it. If you want to succeed at online dating, you’ll need, above all, resiliency. You’ll have to not give up even when you fail and fail some more. It’s not the most happy or positive advice, but it’s true. Go out there, suck it up, have fun, and good luck!