Every single guy who’s dated in the last 10 years has been there: he meets a girl, gets her number or adds her on social media like Facebook or Instagram, then he gets anxious. He knows he needs to send that first text, but isn’t sure what to say!
As a result, most guys simply go with “hey” or “hey beautiful.”
No one is born knowing how to text a girl for the first time. It is, however, a skill that can be learned and practiced. Here are tips to help you message that girl for the first time–and succeed. These apply whether you met her through online dating, in person, or even randomly on the internet.
David, the co-owner of this website, matched with a girl on Tinder. She was only in his town for a few weeks and lived 450 miles away. So, they went on a date, then remained friends when she left. She would occasionally tell him about her dating life. She sent screen shots of the random texts and messages guys sent her in a week. These weren’t dating matches, just guys who found her on Instagram and Facebook!
There were over 50! And, all of them started with something bland and boring. They all were victims of the delete button.
That’s why the first rule of messaging a girl is that you have to stand out and be different. You can’t simply send a “hey” followed by a “how are you?” if you want to date her.
Even if you know the girl (like from class or work), your texts still have to be bold, charming, and funny. If not, you’ll just become another guy she messages from time to time, not the guy she wants to date and fall in love with.
I include this tip first because you’ll have to get in the competitive mindset if you’re trying to text an attractive woman. You can’t just be boring and average if you want to make an impact.
That girl whom David dated briefly before she moved away, the one who got 50 random messages a week? How did he succeed in matching and getting a date? She posted a sexy selfie to her Tinder profile. His open message complimented her…on her choice of chair in the background!
That’s right. In the midst of all the countless compliments on her beauty and sexiness, David complimented…the furniture. It was so different, she messaged him back. She even complimented him on being original.
If you already met the girl and she already likes you to a degree, then you can open with a simple, “Hey, this is Tim from Biology class” or “What’s up?”
But, if you’re texting someone you matched with online or a random woman on social media, your first few texts should be like an advertising hook. They have to be strong to capture her attention and reel her in.
You can achieve this by being witty, charming, or even just different. When there are 100 white rabbits, everyone notices the purple one. That’s why David could compliment her chair and she replied. He was the purple rabbit among the 99 white rabbits (the ones who told her how beautiful she was).
Make Her Feel Attracted (To You)
Part of my business is helping guys compose text messages. And, it involves critiquing their previous efforts. Most guys fail, believe it or not, because their conversations are too logical and fact based.
Here’s the thing: attraction isn’t logical and fact based. A girl isn’t going to date an unattractive guy just because they can talk about Harry Potter. It’s like how you wouldn’t date a 90 year old obese woman just because you two can logically discuss your enjoyment of dogs.
When you text her, your primary goal should be seductive communication. This isn’t about lying or manipulating. It’s just about steering the conversation in a fun, flirty direction that makes her want to be with you. It’s what every successful guy does with women naturally.
You do this by moving beyond fact sharing, even in the initial texts. You want to appeal to her emotions. You want her to think you’re a fun, exciting, interesting person she would want to be with.
You don’t want to be emotional, though. This isn’t about sharing your feelings. It’s about getting her to feel something good related to you. Above all, she should feel attraction.
Bring Her Into Your Life…Through Stories
Some guys are boring and, naturally, that comes through over text. But, many guys are fun and exciting men who live interesting lives.
But…you wouldn’t know it over text. It’s largely because they don’t know how to draw a girl into their lives. As mentioned previously, they share facts, but they don’t do it in a way that makes it interesting. How do you tell details of your life in a way that draws in other people?
Think about historical movies like Saving Private Ryan or Dunkirk. Yes, they take a few liberties with the truth, but they definitely contain facts. Lots of them. But, they don’t just project a list of information on the screen. They present facts through interesting, emotionally charged stories. And, people love movies and books them because they take us to places we want to be. Your goal is to take her from her boring life to a great life with you!
How do you tell women about your life over message? Is it in a series of bland texts or through exciting stories? If you want your first texts to be successful, then be sure to achieve it through telling stories!
Now, I’m not talking about telling long tales or making up adventures. I’m talking about having an interesting life and conveying that through storytelling, rather than fact sharing.
Here are a few ways story telling works:
- Build suspense- In other words, don’t come out and say it. Be a little vague and mysterious.
- Don’t start with the ending; lead up to it- Facts are static. You tell them and it’s over. A story has interesting details that lead up to the fact at the end.
- Use vivid language- Good books present vivid details; set the scene for her
- Add humorous/dramatic flair- Don’t be afraid to make it sound really exciting and interesting, even if it wasn’t all that amazing; in other words, spin it a little bit!
Here are a series of Ted talks that address telling a good story. Even if they deal with fiction, you can still learn from them to tell your true stories.
Fact-sharing- The Cleveland Browns won!
Feeling: Buffalo Wild Wings was crazy last night! When the Browns scored with 2 seconds to go, everyone jumped up and hugged each other. This biker guy next to me was so excited, he spilled his drink all over me!
Which of those two draws you in and makes you want to be there? Think about that with women. Text her in a way that makes her want to be with you.
If you follow these tips for texting a girl for the first time, are you guaranteed to date her? No. But, you’ll greatly increase your odds and stick out from the countless other guys competing for her attention.