A few years ago, I was at a coffee shop at my former university with a few friends. We met a group of fun girls at the table next to us. One of them was paying special attention to me, so I successfully asked for her number.
That’s when the anxiety kicked in. I wanted to make sure that I texted her in a way that wowed her and made her want to go out with me in the future. The pressure was on!
I’m not alone. Most guys experience anxiety when they get ready to text a girl they just met. And, for good reason! What you say (or don’t) over text can make or break your chances of dating her.
Knowing how to text a girl you just met doesn’t have to create anxiety, however. There are ways to successfully text her to get into a relationship with her. I’ve been doing dating coaching for over 5 years and have successfully used these principles in my own life.
When To Text?
The first issue a guy has to figure out when texting a girl he just met is timing. A lot of experts have spoken on the topic, coming up with various “rules” about when to text back. This can range from a few hours up to a whole day.
I personally don’t believe in a hard and fast “rule” about when to first text a girl. The best advice is to keep a balance between two factors: appearing overeager and losing her interest.
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First, you don’t want her to think that you’re needy and desperate for her attention. So, “play it cool” to a degree. To this end, you’ll want to avoid texting her too quickly.
My general rule is this: if you can still talk to her in person, don’t text her. In other words, if you meet a girl on your lunch break or at a club and you’re still in the same room with her, don’t text her. But, once you are separated from her, you can consider texting.
Second, keep in mind that women get a ton of attention. She might have given her number to 2 guys that day and is also messaging 3 others on Tinder. So, you don’t want to play it too cool to where you’re left behind.
My best advice is to at least touch base with her an hour or two after you get her number. Say something like, “Hey, this is Jonathan from club. It was a pleasure for you to meet me.” Yeah, it’s kind of cocky, but add a winking smiley emoji and it will make her laugh.
After that, strike up a normal conversation.
Make An Impression
You might take issue with the boldness and cockiness of my opener above. After all, shouldn’t you instead say “it was a pleasure to meet you?” What I said goes against traditional convention and could be taken as an insult!
But, remember what I said earlier: attractive, single women get a ton of attention. Guys hit on them every time they walk out the door. They get random messages on social media daily. And, if they are on Tinder or other dating apps, they can easily get 500+ matches in a matter of days.
If you want to get noticed and stick out in her mind, you have to make an impression. You can’t be like the 500+ other guys competing for her attention on a regular basis.
You make an impression by being bold and being unique. This can look a little different depending on your personality and hers. But, generally speaking bold and unique mean you’re going to be funny, a little edgy, and find a way to set yourself apart.
Since you already met her, your “opener” doesn’t have to blow her out of the park (like with online dating). But, you do want to, through your first few messages, let her know that you’re funny, bold, and interesting.
You’ll want to show her, over text, what makes you tick as a person. And, you’ll find out about her core values and goals in life.
But, building rapport is more than just sharing information. In fact, sharing information is common to all relationships, even friendship and business. If you want to date her, then you’ll have to elicit feelings.
As you tell her about yourself, you want her having certain feelings about you: happiness, excitement, enjoyment, laughter, and, above all attraction.
Yes, it’s possible to get her to feel these over text…if you know what you’re doing. On a basic level, you need to share information in a way that gets her hooked in.
For example, don’t just mention the concert you went to. Draw her into the concert by telling it like a story. If she can see herself there with you, then you’re far more likely to make her want to be with you.
Get Her Out
But, most guys don’t want a texting buddy. They want to use their texts to get into some kind of relationship, whether it’s dating, hooking up, or even a friendship.
So, if you’re texting a girl you just met, you still need to always keep in mind your goal and a time frame to achieve that. I don’t mean you put “get into a relationship” somewhere on your calendar. Still, don’t lose sight of what you want.
As mentioned earlier, attractive women get lots of attention and chances to get out. You might think you’re building up to asking her out at the perfect time, but, in the meantime, she’s hung out with 5 other attractive guys.
You’ll want to get to know her over text and get her more comfortable with you and develop attraction towards you. However, don’t wait too long.
If you feel like you’ve developed a decent connection, then man up and ask her out. Many guys make it a big affair and get nervous, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal. It can be as simple as, “I’m free this weekend. We should hang out and have some fun.” If she likes you and is comfortable with you, it should be an easy “yes.”
But, if she can’t or won’t, build a little more rapport and try again. Just don’t delay forever out of fear or she’ll lose interest or some other guy will step in.
So, if you just met a great girl and now want to know how to text her, this article will tell you how. While you’re never guaranteed success, these tips will help you give it your best shot.