I’m not desperately single. But I do share something in common with them. I hate Valentine’s Day. I like Saint Valentine, all three of ’em, even if they are mostly legends. I love chocolate, flowers, and, naturally, women. I don’t care for the winter, but I like the 14th of February. Nonetheless, even though I’m with a woman, I have problems with this “love day.” But, I don’t hate it for the reasons most people do.
A lot of people hate Valentine’s Day because they are desperate for a girlfriend or boyfriend (The guys have that “I need a girlfriend” attitude). They hate it because they really like it, but can’t have it. In other words, many people searching for this article really love Valentines Day…they just get mad when they can’t experience the holiday the way they dream of it. That may describe you. You should still read what I have to say, because it may give you some perspective on the situation.
So here are four reasons I hate Valentine’s Day.
It’s About Exchanging Crap – Not Love
Before I got the Popular Man perspective on things, I used to get pretty anxious on Valentine’s Day about gifts. In high school I remember fretting about how much to spend and what to get my girlfriend Brooke. I ended up getting a teddy bear, candy, and some roses. In college, I worried about the same thing. So I sprang for a dozen roses, even though I couldn’t really afford it. Looking back, it is debatable whether the gifts were worth it, but I know for sure the worrying definitely wasn’t!
There is nothing wrong with giving girls things on Valentine’s Day. It is just that worrying about it is a complete waste of time. I should have just given her what I thought was best, and forgotten about it. If she was mad about my choice, or her friends judged it, then I could have just moved on. If you are dating a girl who is that shallow, then move on and find someone better. Plus, no girl is going to want to date a guy whose confidence is so easily destroyed by the thought of a gift.
Guys Get Way Too Attached
A lot of guys get really attached to the idea of having a date or girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. One of our basic principles is that attachment is bad, and causes problems. You will never be at your best as long as you are attached to an outcome. You will be totally blinded by your negative emotions (like whining and saying “I hate Valentines Day” on your Facebook). Many guys are already in “I need a date for Valentine’s Day” mode, and are probably planning creepy, over-the-top, and general “beta male” schemes to get one. Instead of a date, they will end up getting de-friended and put in the “friend zone” because nobody is their best when they are attached.
My contention is that if guys would just be their most excellent, confident, and detached selves every day (including Valentine’s Day), they’d probably have a date every weekend (keep reading our website for more about this).
Guys Turn Into Sappy, Whiny, Unattractive Idiots
Girls do like guys that can talk to them and relate to them emotionally. They tend to “friend zone” guys that are overly emotional, sappy, or dramatic, i.e. guys that get emotional in a feminine way. For some reason, guys who are unsuccessful with women because they are sappy, emotional, etc, tend to take these traits and put them on steroids for Valentine’s Day. So, it is kind of like turning William Hung’s “music” up to full blast – a geometrical increase of sheer horribleness. Thus, these already sappy guys come across as even more creepy and “friend zone” material. Ladies, you know the type: they are all romance and “I love you” before you reject them, and filled with rage and an “I want to kill you” attitude after you smack them down. And you know ladies, no decent woman is going to want to date a dude like this.
And…Just wait. The single-dude whining will come out in full-force on social media in a week, and you will easily tell which guys will be single long after next Valentine’s Day.
Look at the guy and girl in this video below. She is horrified by the end, as she should be! This sort of over-the-top stuff is more socially acceptable on Valentine’s Day. Guys…never do this! Ever!
It Promotes An Unrealistic View Of Love
Related to the above entry, Valentine’s Day teaches guys that the narrative in chick-flicks is true: to win the girl of your dreams that you have creepily stared at for months, all you have to do is be a sensitive caring guy who performs some crazy romantic overture. Unless the girl loves you to begin with (or you look like a male-model, or are rich), you will instead come across as either creepy or the “best friend” she complains to when her boyfriend acts like a jerk.
Valentine’s Day also teaches us that giving girls chocolate, expensive gifts, or flowers will win them over…again, just like the movies. When I was in junior high, I was overweight and awkward. I was also a religious fundamentalist who judged pretty much every girl I met. Instead of changing any of those negative things, I instead decided to “win over” the neighbor girl by getting her chocolates and roses. Her mom was gushing about how cute I was, while she did her best to hide behind her mom.
At least I wasn’t like those poor saps that went “all out” and bought expensive jewelry to win over girls they hardly even knew. I knew dudes that would spend fifty to a hundred dollars on girls that didn’t even know they were alive, in hopes of winning them over (ahem…bribing them). If you (or your son) has the desire to do this, don’t! It never ends well for the guys. Being lonely sucks, but being poor and lonely with no dignity is even worse!
Flowers and chocolates are good gifts (if the girl you are interested in likes them), but I would argue that the best gift you can give any girl is to be the type of guy that they love. This means they would rather you be confident and excellent than a butt-kissing gift-giver.
Oh, and on that note…Happy Valentine’s Day!