Every man has been in this situation. He likes a girl, gets her number, and texts her. He waits. Then, waits some more. That’s when the anxiety sets in.
What does it mean?
What should you do?
Does she even like you now?
Are you sweating yet?
Although texting is a wonderful way to connect with a woman, it can create a lot of stress if a girl doesn’t text you back. For many guys, if a girl doesn’t text him back, it can seem terrible. But, you’ll have to get over that thinking if you want to succeed in dating.
First, I’ll explain why she might not be texting you.
She Might Be Busy
Do you ever get busy (and I don’t mean the fun kind of busy)? Well, girls get busy too. And, sometimes that means it’s hard to find time to text or at least have a meaningful conversation (texting or otherwise) with another person.
Typically if she’s busy, you’ll still be getting positive and flirty texts. They’ll just be less frequent. And, she’ll typically let you know that she’s busy. Don’t overthink this one. If you know she’s working, at a family event, etc. don’t expect to get her full attention over text. On the other hand, if you know she’s not busy…
She Might Be Losing Interest (Or Never Had It)
Yes, sometimes you might not be getting texts because the girl is losing interest in you romantically. Or, if a girl doesn’t text you back after you’ve gotten her number and sent the first text, she might not have any interest after all. Or, she could be sharing interest, i.e. she is texting multiple guys to see which one she really likes.
Circumstances change. Maybe she was drunk at the bar when she first gave you her number. The next day, she might be more sober and having regrets. Or maybe she thought you were cool, but something happened in the meantime. It could be that her ex came into her life (or she had a boyfriend!) or a factor unrelated to you suddenly manifested itself.
Just like people can show their lack of interest by not talking as much in person, the same can happen as text. However, it’s much easier to stop texting a guy or slow down the texts than to be direct. Women typically aren’t direct about these matters. There are a bunch of terms for people who don’t text back (or do so regularly): ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, and scrapbooking. Read about these and the other person’s behavior might make a little more sense.
If a girl doesn’t text you back after showing interest previously, there’s usually other evidence. Were her recent texts different? Did you see an enthusiasm for you turn into a lack of enthusiasm? Usually there are signs she’s losing interest long before a woman doesn’t respond. One big sign is consistent one word responses or abrupt answers to your longer texts.
It Could Be Anything
Yes, if a girl doesn’t text you back, it could also mean just about anything. Perhaps she lost her phone. Maybe she’s out with her friends. You can never know for sure. If her previous texts were happy and flirty, then there’s no need to freak out if you have a break for a bit. But, be aware of consistent patterns.
However, she has probably lost interest in some capacity (Occam’s razor: the simplest solution is the most likely). A general rule of attraction is that “people pay attention to what they like.” Sure, she may be busy but most people these days are glued to their phones and texting literally takes ten seconds.
But, if you find yourself not getting texted back, then you must keep a few things in mind. Follow the advice below carefully because how you react might determine if you get any more texts!
Don’t Appear Needy Or Double Text
Getting texts from women is addicting. It literally activates the pleasure centers in the brain. So, when you wait for that vibration sound or text tone, it’s just like a junkie waiting for a hit of his drug. In this case, you’re craving dopamine.
But, you can’t freak out. Neediness, especially in guys, is horribly unattractive. Trust me on this. If you start getting needy, it will have the opposite effect you intend: she will become repulsed by you and text you even less. Seriously, trust me! So, you have to remain detached, and not care. If you can’t achieve this, then you at least have to give the impression you don’t care.
Also, don’t double text a woman. This is when you send her a text, she doesn’t respond, so you text again. This is bad because if she’s busy you look needy and if she’s not interested you look creepy. Texts get delivered reliably and most women have their phone with them all the time. If she doesn’t text you back the first time, there’s a reason.
Have Texting Options
The best way to not die of anxiety when she doesn’t respond is to have options. Look at it this way. If Bill Gates loses a hundred dollar bill does he care? Probably not? What about you? You probably would care and it may even bother you for days.
If you have three or four (or more) women that you text regularly, then it doesn’t matter if one suddenly stops. Be the Bill Gates of texting women (or at least have a few options).
However, the irony is that if you have lots of other women in your back pocket, she likely won’t stop texting. Why? Because being cool, relaxed, and detached is actually very, very attractive to women.
Now, I’m not saying to be a player. But, if you’re not in a committed relationship, there’s no reason to be fiercely loyal to someone who isn’t committed to you either. Have options!
Is there a magic way to resurrect a text conversation if she doesn’t text you back? It depends. If you haven’t made a connection to her, it may be impossible to get one. If you have a past connection, a resurrection is possible.
A lot of guys throw out a “hey” or “how are you?” and expect a reply. But, that is the same boring behavior that likely got you benched to begin with. If you want to resurrect a conversation, be charming, funny, interesting, confident, etc. Getting her “back into your DMs” isn’t as simple as tricking her to respond, although you can try that.
I suggest texting her something like, “I saw something today that reminded me of you.” Leave it at that; withholding information will hack her brain into wanting to know more. Text nothing more, until she responds. If she responds, “what?” wait a few hours or even a day, and think of something you could have seen that reminded you of her. Make it funny and interesting, but also withholding information.
I once helped a guy resurrect a text conversation by replying “a meth lab” to that question. She was obviously extremely curious why seeing that reminded him of her, and she literally texted back within minutes. She was a Breaking Bad fan so it worked out and they started texting about that. So, if done right, you can resurrect a conversation, but like I said, you better be ready to bring your best game, or you’ll just get ghosted all over again.
So, if a girl doesn’t text you back if could be many different things. However, there is one thing it certainly shouldn’t be: the end of the world.