If A Girl Doesn’t Text You Back

man texting

Image courtesy of adamr/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Any man who has tried to get a date in the last ten years has dealt with problems related to texting. Whether you like it or not, it is 2016 and texting is major way people communicate, and many dates and relationships are nourished, started, and ended over text.

One of the biggest problems over text is this one: if a girl doesn’t text you back, what does it mean? What should you do? Does she even like you now? Are you sweating yet?

For many guys, if a girl doesn’t text him back, it can seem to be a pretty big issue. But, you can’t make it an issue. If you want to succeed in dating anyway.

First, let’s explain why she might not be texting you. Usually it’s not what you might assume (you’re ugly, she doesn’t like you, etc.)

She Might Be Busy

Do you ever get busy (and I don’t mean the fun kind of busy)? Well, girls get busy too. And, sometimes that means it’s hard to find time to text or at least have a meaningful conversation (texting or otherwise) with another person.

Typically if she’s busy, you’ll still be getting positive and flirty texts. They’ll just be less frequent. This is no cause for worry, especially if you know she’s working, at a family function, etc. However…

She Might Be Losing Interest (Or Never Had It)

Yes, sometimes you might not be getting texts because the girl is losing interest in you romantically. Or, if a girl doesn’t text you back after you’ve gotten her number and sent the first text, she might not have any interest after all. Or, she could be sharing interest, i.e. she is texting multiple guys and perhaps she is slowly choosing among guys: the fewer the messages, the greater likelihood she is messaging someone else.

Circumstances change. Maybe she was drunk at the bar when she first gave you her number. The next day, she might be more sober and having regrets. Or maybe she thought you were cool, but something happened in the meantime. It could be that her ex came into her life (or she had a boyfriend!) or a factor unrelated to you suddenly manifested itself.

Just like people can show their lack of interest by not talking as much in person, the same can happen as text. However, it’s much easier to stop texting a guy or slow down the texts than to be direct. Women typically aren’t direct about these matters. Today this is called “ghosting.” Is it cool? Not at all. But, it’s reality.

If a girl doesn’t text you back after showing interest previously, there’s usually other evidence. Were her recent texts different? Did you see an enthusiasm for you turn into a lack of enthusiasm? Usually there are signs she’s losing interest long before a woman doesn’t text you back. One big sign is consistent one word responses or abrupt answers to your longer texts.

It Could Be Anything

Yes, if a girl doesn’t text you back, it could also mean just about anything. Perhaps she lost her phone. Maybe she’s run out of minutes. If her previous texts were happy and flirty, then there’s no need to freak out if you have a break for a bit. However, the reality is that she has probably lost interest (Occam’s razor: the simplest solution is the most likely).

But, if you find yourself not getting texted back, then you must keep a few things in mind. Follow the advice below carefully because how you react might determine if you get any more texts!

Don’t Appear Needy

Getting texts from women really is addicting. It’s true. We like receiving texts from women we find attractive. It literally activates the pleasure centers in the brain. So, when you wait for that vibration sound or text tone, it’s just like a junkie waiting for a hit of his drug. In this case, you’re craving dopamine.

But, you can’t let on that not receiving texts from her bothers you. Neediness, especially in guys, is horribly unattractive. Women despise needy guys. Trust me on this. If you start getting needy it will have the opposite effect you intend: she will become repulsed by you and text you even less.

So, you have to remain detached, and not care. If you can’t achieve this, then you at least have to give the impression you don’t care.

This isn’t the easiest thing to accomplish. However, there is one way to make sure you are completely detached in the process. You should….

Have Texting Options

The best way to not worry if a girl won’t text you back is to already be texting lots of other attractive women (and friends and acquaintances). Look at it this way. If Bill Gates loses a hundred dollar bill does he care? Probably not? What about you? It is likely.

If you have three or four (or more) women that you text regularly, then it doesn’t matter if one suddenly stops. Be the Bill Gates of texting women (or at least have a few options).

However, the irony is that if you have lots of other women in your back pocket, she likely won’t stop texting. Why? Because being cool, relaxed, and detached is actually very, very attractive to women.

Now, I’m not saying to be a player. But, if you’re not in a committed relationship, there’s no reason to be fiercely loyal to someone who isn’t committed to you either. Have options!

Resurrecting It?

Is there a magic way to resurrect a text conversation if she doesn’t text you back? It depends on how she views you. If you haven’t made a connection, it may be impossible to get one. If you have a past connection, it may be possible to resurrect it.

A lot of guys throw out a “hey” or “how are you?” and expect that will resurrect a conversation. It won’t. If you want to resurrect a conversation, you better be ready to be charming, funny, interesting, confident, etc. Getting her “back into your DMs” isn’t as simple as tricking her to respond to her, although you can try that.

I suggest texting her something like, “I saw something today that reminded me of you.” Leave it at that; withholding information will hack her brain into wanting to know. Text nothing more, until she responds. If she responds, “what?” wait a few hours or even a few days and think of something you could have seen that reminded you of her. Make it funny and interesting, but also withholding information.

I once helped a guy resurrect a text conversation by replying “a meth lab.” She was obviously extremely curious why seeing that reminded him or her and texted back within minutes. She was a Breaking Bad fan so it worked out and they started texting about that. So, if done right, you can resurrect a conversation, but like I said, you better be ready to bring your best game, or you’ll just get ghosted all over again.

If A Girl Doesn’t Text You Back

So, if a girl doesn’t text you back if could be many different things. This list isn’t exhaustive by any means.

However, there is one thing it certainly shouldn’t be if you haven’t received a text in a long time: the end of the world.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.


  1. Maybe she prefers phone conversation over texting.. Hint: Not calling you back!

  2. Or just don’t text period. It’s way to easy to convey the wrong tone, or come off completely wrong. Man up and call her. If she doesn’t call back, move on.

  3. Good points.

  4. Hey Jonathan, I’d like to get your opinion on a situation of mine that relates to this article. Is there a way I can contact you, besides typing a novel in this reply field lol

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