Last week’s Bachelor in Paradise (I half watched it while doing other things; don’t judge me) provided some great insights into the dating game, especially for guys. Although I’m not a huge fan of these shows, this one does provide an interesting and intense look into the dating dynamic.
Let me give you the relevant backstory.
There were two guys trying to win “roses” from women. They had to get a rose or they were eliminated from the competition. One guy supposedly ruined his chances with one of the women by telling her she drank too much. She was indignant. She asked another guy, a “nice” guy if she drank too much (directly to his face). He said “no.” He assumed he was getting her rose. The other guy assumed he would not.
In the second scenario, another guy was dealing with a girl who had a crush on him. He friend-zoned her in favor of her friend. He told her friend that he would refuse the rose of the other girl, the one he friend zoned. It was implied that the girl he liked would then give him a rose.
So, these scenarios seemed cut and dry. However, the dating game never is straightforward. Here is what happened: the girl who got mad at the guy for accusing her of being a drunk? She gave her rose to him, not the nice guy. And, the guy who agreed to turn down a rose under the assumption the other girl would give him one? He turned it down from the girl he friend zoned. But, the girl he liked didn’t give him the rose.
What should have these guys done? It depends on their goals. However, if they wanted to stay on the show and win the affection of the various women, here is what I believe should’ve happened.
In the first scenario, the guy who more or less called the woman a drunk had edginess and boldness on his side. That’s always a plus even if he’s being a bit of a jerk. But, I believe the nice guy ultimately ruined his chances. He failed a woman’s direct shit test (this is where a woman gives a guy “shit” and how he responds determines his value to her). As weird as it sounds, he shouldn’t have agreed with her. He should’ve been funny or witty about the response to her question. He gave her the answer she wanted to hear, but he came across as a butt kisser. So, he said what she wanted, but he still gave the wrong answer. Yes, women are complicated.
In the second case, the man, Dylan, did the right thing from a moral perspective. He was loyal to his word and followed what he thought was right. He wanted to be the one girl’s friend only, so he refused a rose. And he made a tacit agreement with the other girl. He was direct and logical. It’s too bad that, first, this is a game, and second women aren’t always direct and logical. What should he have done? He should’ve taken the rose from the first woman. She already knew where he stood, so he didn’t lose any sense of directness. And, it would’ve made the second girl very jealous.
Hindsight is always 20/20 and of course the Bachelor is particularly ruthless. But, it mirrors some of the harsh realities of dating for the average person, as well.