Have you ever met someone who seems too good to be true? You’ve only known him or her for a few weeks, yet the passion and expressions of love are off the chart. How could this person be single? Even more, how could this person love you?! You’ve never felt so wanted, appreciated, and loved.
Yet, then the dark side comes out. The violent outbursts. The emotional abuse. The rationalizations in your head of how he or she seemed so great and made you feel so amazing. How could someone change so much? But, how could you ever leave?
If you’ve experienced anything like this you’ve been a victim of love bombing, a “new” dating trend that is sweeping the internet. This article will explain the definition of love bombing in detail, the signs, and give you tips on how to resist it if someone tries it on you.
Love Bombing Definition
Although various places are calling love bombing a new trend, it’s actually not new at all. The practice actually originates with mind control cults. It’s also been a staple of narcissists and con men throughout history. As with most anything, if you can use it to manipulate people with religion and money, it can be applied to love.
A basic definition of love bombing is this: showing extreme affection, love, and passion towards someone in a short period of time, in the hopes of winning that person’s trust. This technique gets the person “hooked” on the feelings of being loved. That’s when the one doing the love bombing reveals his or her true self, which is usually controlling, manipulative, and even abusive. But, by the time you’ve realized this, your brain is already hooked on the good feelings.
Love bombing isn’t just crappy behavior like many of the other dating trends. It’s actually a technique associated with personality disorders, which are mental health diagnoses. In particular, those with borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder will use love bombing to win over people in their lives.
Love Bombing Signs
If you think you’re being love bombed, these are good signs. Just because someone does these doesn’t mean they’re love bombing you. But, if you see a pattern, you might be a victim.
Expresses love quickly
It’s called “falling in love” for a reason. For most people, it’s a process that takes time. Even if a person feels a head over heels crush, normal people wait awhile to express it because that’s the nature of normal relationships.
However, someone who love bombs you will express his or her love very quickly…inappropriately quickly. And, it won’t just be simple expressions of love, but the deepest, truest love anyone has ever known…all in a few days.
Promises You Forever
Along with their expressions of undying affection, love bombers will also promise you forever. They will never leave, always be there for you, and, obviously treat you better than anyone else. This tactic is great because it plays on people’s fears and insecurities.
Trust me. No normal, healthy person will promise you forever after knowing you a few days or even weeks. This is a huge sign you’re being love bombed.
Tells You What You Want To Hear
As you can see, love bombers know what you want to hear and tell it to you. And, it makes you feel good. How do they know what you need? Because for all of their weaknesses, the cons and manipulators get human nature with its insecurities and flaws.
However, they use that knowledge to take advantage of others. If it seems too good to be true, it is.
Lavishes You With Crazy Compliments
One feature of love bombing is that it’s designed to get maximum impact quickly (hence the bombing analogy). So, if you’re dating someone who gives you crazy compliments frequently, then it’s possible you’re dealing with a love bomber. Granted, some people are just nice. But, if the compliments seem over the top and excessive, it’s more than just normal “nice” behavior.
Emotional Highs and Lows
Relationships with love bombers can be very volatile. There are really high highs when they’re making you feel great. But, there are also really low lows when they are yelling in your face and smashing plates against the wall. If this pattern fits you and your partner, then you’ve been a victim of love bombing.
How To Resist Love Bombing
If you think you’re dealing with a love bomber, here are some tips to resist their charms. If you’re already in a deep relationship with one, you’ll probably have to pursue outside help, like therapy. Being stuck in that kind of relationship can be highly toxic.
Fight The Feelings
Love bombers make you feel really good. Very few people have the will to resist an attractive person who makes them feel great. But, you’ll have to fight the feelings. If you recognize you’re being love bombed, then pull away from the person. Don’t let the good feelings take hold because you can literally get addicted to being in love with someone.
Listen To Family And Friends
When you’re in the midst of love bombing, you’re under the halo effect, meaning the person you love can “do no wrong.” It’s hard to see the truth and the red flags. You know who can see the truth? Outsiders, like family and friends.
If you think you’re being love bombed, talk to your family and friends. Likely, they are already sharing their red flags with you. The key here is to listen to them.
Cut Off All Contact
If you are being love bombed and can’t resist, then you might have to forcibly remove yourself from the situation. This could be vowing never to see the person, blocking him or her on social media, and even going totally silent. It’s easy to be a victim of love bombing. You might just have to totally cut yourself off.
So, now you should know more about love bombing, this “new” but actually very old dating trend. Remember that you’re being used and manipulated and the words you hear about undying love are just a sad tactic.