Knowing that I help others with dating and relationships, a friend of mine called me up. I could barely make out her words through the crying until she clearly blurted out: “I think my husband hates me!”
Since I know her husband, I knew he didn’t hate her. At least I was pretty sure. But, I couldn’t deny her feelings either. The marriage had clearly moved in a toxic direction. And, even if her spouse didn’t hate her, the fact that she would think he did revealed a lot about the unhealthy and unhappy nature of the relationship.
As I was getting ready to finally respond, she stopped me. “Can you fix it? Can you make my husband love me again?”
Does Your Husband Hate You?
Once my friend calmed down and we talked through a few of her problems, she agreed that her husband didn’t actually hate her. If you think your husband doesn’t love you anymore, the chances are good that you’re wrong. Unless the marriage is totally dead, he still loves you in some capacity.
Of course, that makes it even more frustrating. Why would he love you but not express it? Guys typically hold back showing love for a couple of reason.
First, he is probably like most men. In general, guys don’t articulate and express feelings well like women. I’m not just talking about his love, but also his frustrations, pain, and everything else. His inability to deal with struggles and issues can lead to a bottling up of feelings that can come out in annoyance, anger, and even depression.
Second, the relationship might not be going well. If you’re having problems, he might be pulling away, using the silent treatment, or acting in a way that makes you think he hates you. But, it could just be frustration due to the problems you and your spouse are having.
Finding Love Again With Your Husband
Obviously if you’re saying “my husband hates me” then some work needs to be done to salvage the relationship. But, don’t worry, any couple in any marriage can find love again if both partners are willing to work for it. Here is how.
The first step to succeed is to honestly communicate with each other. Most couples have a routine of no communication. They come home from work, deal with the needs of the kids, eat dinner, watch some TV, then go to bed exhausted. The husband and wife only communicate when things reach a boiling point.
But, healthy communication is proactive, not reactive (like when things explode). Both of you have to make time to talk about your needs on a regular basis. Sometimes simply communicating needs can make a person feel better. You might be shocked what you’re husband is thinking about and wants out of you and the relationship. He might be surprised what you want. The only way to know is to share that!
However, simply knowing his needs (and yours) isn’t the end of it.
Meet Each Other’s Needs
Not only should you identify needs, but you should also work to meet them, when it’s reasonable. Of course, it’s also a two way street. He should try his best to meet your needs too.
When you were first dating, I’m sure you and your partner wanted to make each other happy. In fact, you both probably worked overtime to compromise and find ways to make the relationship work. Sadly, many couples lose that spark and turn combative!
Instead of fighting and being stubborn, both of you should try to work on finding middle ground and making each other happy.
Try Something New
Not only did you want to get along early in your relationship, but the whole thing was exciting. You were both young, in love, and happy. The words “My husband hates me” weren’t even a thought in the back of your head. In fact, if you could look into the future, you probably couldn’t imagine the relationship turning negative and toxic.
To save your marriage, try new things. Be open minded and find ways to put a spark back into your marriage. You’re likely in a set routine that is boring and predictable with no adventure.
Find ways to create new adventures and excitement. You can do this in many ways, whether it’s taking an adult only vacation, doing new activities together, or spicing up the bedroom. Creating new excitement and adventure can help a stale marriage. If you communicate you should know what makes him excited and happy!
Work On Yourself
Treat yourself to a spa day, go out with your friends, join a gym and get in great shape, take a cooking class. Do something or anything that makes you feel good. Your own self-confidence and independence is a great starting point to rekindle the spark in your marriage.
Fight For The Marriage
If your marriage is worth saving, then, above all, you’ll need to fight for it. If your husband doesn’t really hate you, then he’ll agree to fight to save what you’ve built as a couple. There are many resources out there to avoid being one of the climbing divorce statistics but you have to try.
I wish you the best of luck! Hang in there, work for your marriage, and find comfort in family and friends. You can definitely find love again in your marriage. Believe in yourself and your marriage.