Now that Christmas is over, it’s that crucial time when you can make your resolutions for the upcoming new year. Many people don’t put much thought into their resolutions or they go with generalities to correct obvious issues. So, they pick “lose weight” or “get fit.” While those are noble goals, how much will they really impact your life or transform it in the way you want?
If you’re single and want to get into a relationship in the coming year, you can’t expect to do the same things over and over again expecting different results. So, if you were lonely and unhappy in romance last year, find ways to correct that in the new year. This article will help you by offering 5 great new year’s resolutions for singles that will get you into the relationship of your dreams. Say goodbye to a lonely 2017 and have a happy 2018!
Embrace Being Single
You might think this is crazy advice, but hear me out. If you’re unhappily single and have been that way for a long time, then it might be affecting your ability to get into a new relationship.
Look at it this way: being in a relationship is a deep need. If you want one and can’t have it, it can make you unhappy, anxious, depressed, and even resentful. Some of these feelings might spill over into your interactions with people you’re attracted to and want to date. In addition, coming across as generally unhappy and desperate (even if you don’t want to) isn’t going to get you dates.
So, your best way of getting a date is to embrace being single, not in the sense of accepting it, but by living your life happily as a single person. This means confidently going out and having fun, enjoying your hobbies, and working on yourself, even if you’re not with another person romantically.
The irony is that when you embrace the single life in this way, you become much more attractive to others. A fun, confident person living his or her life to the fullest is very attractive. Be that person!
If you’re single, you might need helps in the looks department. Most people are generally aware of ways they need to improve physically and resolutions are made accordingly. It’s easy to look in a mirror or photo and know you need to lose weight or tone up. So, definitely pursue that goal.
But, looks aren’t the only thing keeping many people single. Their personality can play an even bigger role. Yet, few people are willing to examine personality flaws, let along take steps to fix them.
Here are a few attractive personality traits: independence, confidence, enjoying humor, being funny, empathy, excitement, charm, and openness.
Here are a few unattractive ones: neediness, whiny behavior, uptightness, judgment, blandness, and a closed attitude.
Which of those describe you?
You can change your personality with some effort. People do it all the time. It doesn’t have to be a major shift. But, being more friendly, outgoing, and open minded can be possible if you try. This website offers great self-help tips to improve your personality to be more outgoing, funny, and charming.
Get A Life
One of my clients came to me because he was incredibly lonely and frustrated. He hadn’t had a date in over 2 years and asked what he could do. I asked him how he spent his day. It was work, video games, maybe hanging with a friend, and watching TV. Sure, he used online dating. But, he didn’t get around people.
If you want to get in a relationship, one of your resolutions should be to get a life, meaning an active social life. Most relationships occur organically, meaning that two people who are around each a lot and have an initial attraction start to fall for each other. While online dating certainly can work, it’s a long, arduous process that has more misses than hits for most people. Besides, attraction involves lots of biological functions, which doesn’t always translate well to photos and bios online.
If your social network is limited, then check out apps like MeetUp, Eventbrite, or local event pages. These can give you an idea of activities that you’ll enjoy and meet other people. Go based on your interests for best results. So, if you like running, do a running event. If you’re into board games, find something related to that.
When it comes to dating, I like to remind my clients of the Maurice Setter quote, “too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting gold.” What I mean is that, when trying to date, people build up images in their head of the ideal person or the perfect relationship. Then, they meet a bunch of great people who don’t fully meet their image. They reject those people and then complain about how they can’t find anyone. They met someone great, but not perfect.
One great new year’s resolution for singles is to give people you normally wouldn’t a chance. Now, I’m not saying to settle (see next resolution). But, I am talking about this scenario: you meet someone cool and you feel attraction. You get to know him or her and you click. But, since that person “isn’t your type” or is too old, young, short, tall, poor, rich, or anything else you’ve set in your head as an artificial boundary, you are tempted to stop the budding relationship.
This coming year, as long as there is attraction and a connection, give that person a chance instead!
People get into relationships for many reasons. One of those is because family, friends, and the culture at large push the narrative that, in order to be happy, you need to have a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. If you’re single, you can face intense pressure to not be single.
However, this mentality can lead to settling, where you decide to pair up with someone bland or plain terrible just to say you’re “in a relationship.” If you want to be happy, this is one of the worst things you can ever do.
While you should always keep an open mind to good people you find attractive (see previous resolution), you don’t want to go the other route where you settle with someone simply because you’re lonely or feel pressure to “get married” or “settle down.”
So, if you’re single and looking for a few good resolutions that will help you find a relationship in 2018, try these. When December rolls around next year, you can start making couples resolutions instead.