I have guy friends on social media who constantly complain how girls only date jerks and bad boys instead of “nice guys” like them. They complain how they treat women like queens, but are rejected in favor of abusers, losers, idiots, and guys only after “one thing.”
However, when the woman rejects them, despite their constantly professed “niceness,” they become passive-aggressive, abruptly turn angry, and go on social media where they lament about the downfall of civilization due to female tastes in bad men.
These guys are afflicted with an ailment called “nice guy syndrome.”
Nice Guy Syndrome
When a passive, generally cordial guy tries to get sex and/or a relationship with a woman by emphasizing how nice, sweet, and caring he is. Typically, he confuses being boring, passive, and being a doormat for “niceness.”
He believes that his nice passivity guarantees him sex and/or a relationship. However, when his strategy doesn’t work, the nice facade drops and his passive-aggressive colors come out in the form of nasty messages, angry social media statuses, and cutting off fake friendships.
– Frequent use of words like “douchebag,” “douche,” “jerk,” and “loser” to describe attractive guys women actually want to date
– Double texting when a woman doesn’t respond quickly enough
– Begging and pleading for a woman’s attention
– Laments on social media about the latest rejections, all for being “nice” which women allegedly hate
– Boring personality, passivity, lack of assertiveness and cordial behavior labelled as “nice”
– Prone to grand romantic gestures and random confessions of love
– Sees women as vending machines- Act nice, get sex
– Lack of awareness of attraction rules
– Wants a hot woman, while being unattractive himself
– Uses word “females” to refer to women
– Usually isn’t very “nice” at all if their strategy of “niceness” doesn’t work to get a date
– Prone to angry outbursts and name calling when rejected (a rejection they attribute to women preferring jerks)
Without treatment, “nice guy syndrome” leads to chronic singleness with occasional drunk sex, ravenous consumption of pornography, unjustified misogyny, angry outbursts at women, and blue balls
Now is a good time to take our entertaining and totally and utterly non-scientific “How Much of A “Nice Guy” Are You?” Quiz!
But, you don’t have to suffer from this disorder.
The good news is that nice guy syndrome can be cured. However, many nice guys don’t even see the need for intervention. They think they are morally superior and the problem with their poor dating results isn’t them, but the women and douches out there. However, if you are a nice guy type (or know one), it’s important to be honest with yourself. If your strategy isn’t working, then maybe it’s time to try a new one. The cure doesn’t involve being a jerk, just a few simple things.
Women, like men, want to date attractive guys. Niceness is attraction neutral. Yes, women want to be with nice guys. But, they want to be with an attractive guy first and foremost. Would a guy date a morbidly obese, ugly elderly woman just because she was nice? No way! Women are the same. That guy you think is a “douche” might actually both treat her well and turn her on.
If you want to date a woman, then be attractive. Lift weights, get in shape, develop confidence and social skills, stop being needy, stand up for yourself, speak your mind, develop a bit of an edge, know how to treat a woman in bed, and so on. If you can be attractive, you’ll get a woman. If you’re a good guy too, it’s even better.
Nice guy syndrome is ultimately about lying and misrepresenting. Nice guys typically think sucking up to women through nice, sweet and ultimately fake gestures will get them laid. But, it doesn’t. Being your authentic self is a far better dating strategy, even if that means being opinionated, assertive, and blunt. Women prefer an authentic, attractive man with flaws to a fake, unattractive, squishy guy.
Nice guys aren’t very manly. Passivity and lack of assertiveness are ultimately not masculine traits. And, lashing out in anger when rejected isn’t true masculinity either. Being super passive then getting enraged just makes a person look weak.
Women don’t want misogynistic, over macho jerks. But, they do want guys who are masculine in the positive, traditional sense of assertive, confident, strong personality, a leader, etc. Instead of being so nice, work on being masculine and emphasize that to women. Show them you’re a good guy too.
So, if you’ve fallen victim to nice guy syndrome, there is hope. Quit doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. Be an attractive, excellent, good guy and you’ll have no problem getting dates. In fact, you’ll find that it’s pretty easy, although some “nice guy” might call you a douche for daring to be attractive and successful with the ladies.
Here are some examples of nice guys at work (find more at the Nice Guys Subreddit):