Last week on Facebook, a friend of mine was sharing statuses about wanting to end it all and how he has no meaning in life anymore. I knew instantly that he was having relationship problems. Actually, after a little probing of his timeline, I found this: he was dumped.
He made a huge mistake for getting a new girlfriend: sharing his negative feelings and vaguely suicidal thoughts on Facebook. That is extremely low value and doesn’t really accomplish much in the way of closure or healing anyway. But, there’s an even bigger mistake he made: feeling that way to begin with.
Now, I’m not judging this guy’s feelings. He’s a good guy and burying his feelings would only cause more problems (just don’t broadcast them on social media, for crying out loud). But, he, like all guys, needs to realize that no woman (or human being outside of a child or maybe parent) that warrants that kind of pain.
Let’s look at it this way. Here’s a guy who, because a woman he’s dated for a year broke up with him, feels that his life isn’t worth living. That’s sad. And, a quick glance at her Facebook page shows this: absolutely no whining or pain. In other words, he was wallowing in misery while she was moving on!
No woman is worth the pain, but our brains seem to think otherwise. Lovesickness is a real phenomenon with physical manifestations. That’s right, being in love lowers testosterone, while being dumped can cause mania, irregular heartbeats, and even outright panic attacks. Our brain likes us to be attached.
We are higher animals so we can use our minds to actually change our brain. In other words, we can find ways to cope that can minimize the impact of events like being dumped. A lot of it comes down to being an excellent and confident man.
A man needs to find excellence and confidence in himself, not externally. The excellence and confidence then give him value, not only for himself but to others. So, a guy who is high value would never, ever contemplate suicide over a woman because he doesn’t derive his worth from another person.
In addition, a guy who has value also has options with women. If my friend had the confidence and ability to get another woman, he likely wouldn’t be contemplating suicide, but grateful that a bad woman left his life and excited that he’d have the chance to meet new ones.
Finally, no woman is worth the pain because women are humans. Yes, they’re just people. They’re not worthy of being put on a pedestal or idolized. They’re not the fairer or better sex. People. Flaws and all. No woman is worth the pain (especially the kind my friend experienced).