A lot of men go “online” to date, because..well…why not? Virtually everything is done online, from buying books to ordering a pizza, so dating online makes perfect sense…right?
I believe online dating can be worthwhile, if it is done properly (and most guys make the same mistakes online they make offline, so most guys aren’t doing it right).
However, I believe you should be putting just as much effort into your offline efforts as you do towards your online efforts, and here is why.
1. Women Don’t Pre-Sort You
Online dating sites allow both sexes to pre-sort partners. This means that if you aren’t making six figures, six foot tall, or live in the Bohemian section of town, you are out of luck.
That’s right, you don’t even have a chance to engage her or let her see your charm, because you aren’t even showing up in her searches.
In real life, attraction doesn’t work this way. Look around at the men women actually date. Typically, it isn’t a guy straight out of a fairy tale, or a dude that has “passed” her 20-point checklist for manly perfection. Yet, online dating encourages women to turn attraction into a checklist thing, and only the best guys are going to meet her standards.
The problem with being “pre-sorted” is that you don’t even have a chance to show her that you are an excellent and attractive guy, even if your hair color or height doesn’t meet her ideal requirements.
Sadly, online dating takes something messy and emotional (attraction) and turns it into something clean and logical, which may explain why so many people complain that online dating doesn’t work.
2. Body Language Counts
Online profiles only allow a little body language analysis, if you get the right photos, and generally, they are going to be photos that make her look especially good. Also, when communicating with her online, you are totally left relying on her written words, and written words can be edited and re-edited before they even arrive in your inbox.
Body language can be masked to some degree in person, so as to be deceptive, but not as deceptive as written words can be. So if she is crazy or playing games with you, you may or may not be aware of it, because it’s much easier to be coy through messages. Also, sometimes girls are shy or not great with words, so you may think she isn’t into you through messages, but online you could be reading the clear signs that she is.
Also, meeting in person allows you to show her your body language. Since most communication happens through the body (as opposed to words), how you hold yourself in person can make a big impact. Sadly, you can’t have this impact online.
3. You Can Touch Her or Look In Her Eyes
Studies show that touching others, even as simply as brushing your hand against theirs when handing back change, makes you more likable. Another study has demonstrated that making sustained (but non-creepy) eye-contact strongly increases attraction between two people.
Notice I didn’t say “if the guy was tall, and he made eye contact, he was more likable” or “if he made six figures, eye contact made him more attractive.” Using touch and eye contact appropriately can give you a huge dating advantage, and natural charmers and seducers know this well. Sure, you can charm and seduce with words online, but without touch and eye-contact, you are without two important tools in your attraction arsenal.
Online dating removes this very important element.
Ultimately, online dating takes away chemistry. Two people may be perfect for each other, but you would never know it if attraction is reduced to check boxes and algorithms. Plus, the sheer volume of messages women receive means that they have to sort through guys quickly and based on words and a brief profile glance. In real life, this isn’t how it works.
So, while online dating may be easier and expose you to more people (not a bad thing per se), online dating has many drawbacks, especially for men. Maybe it’s time to give old-fashioned offline dating a try!