Almost all of the clients I’ve coached are online dating veterans. I’m not talking experts here, but guys wounded, haggard, and exhausted from the entire process. But, they always say the same thing: it seemed so easy!
And, online dating does seem perfect in principle. You upload a photo and write a few lines. Then, you find people similar to you on your time, whether it’s on your lunch break or the toilet at 2:00am. You match, you message, and the next thing you know you’re fighting off the ladies who want you. You pick one and…boom! Happily ever after.
Now for the truth, which all of my clients know: internet dating can be tough, especially for guys. Sometimes it’s even tougher than “real world” dating.
However, it is possible to succeed, if you know what you’re doing. While there is no magic bullet, these tips are geared towards getting dates in all online settings, including Tinder, Match, OK Cupid, and more.
The Rules Of Attraction Apply
This is the most important advice (which is why it’s first). The rules of attraction still apply online. You have to be confident, excellent, high value, and have the other traits women look for in a man.
Some guys think online dating is a way to get around the rules of attraction. They think putting up an online profile will make women suddenly overlook their general unattractiveness and want to be with them. But, going on an app to find a man doesn’t change the way women are programmed. If anything, it makes women more attuned to their basic desires since they typically revert to a checklist mentality of conventionally attractive traits (like height, weight, income level, etc.).
So, if you’re unattractive to the ladies in real life, you’d better step up your game because online dating won’t solve your problems.
Show Your Best Side
When you’re online, you do have have one distinct advantage that you lack in face to face interaction: time. If you approach a girl on the street or at work, you have to think on your feet, which can lead to hilarity and awkwardness. With online dating, whether creating a profile or responding to messages, you have time to think about how you present yourself, both your profile and messaging.
So, when you create an online profile, put yourself in the best light and appear “high value,” which is what women ultimately want in a guy. So, make yourself look confident, successful, witty, and worth dating. Don’t be inauthentic, but see it as advertising yourself.
As for a photo, choose an image that makes you look fun, handsome, and interesting. I’ve had countless women tell me about the laugh out loud stupid photos they’ve seen in male profiles. I’m not talking about “laughing with” either, but “wtf was this guy thinking?” laughter. If in doubt, ask one of your female friends. They can give you excellent guidance on a photo.
Don’t Lie Or Tell Your Life Story
While you want to put the best spin on your life, don’t lie, which is all too easy online. If you’re short, don’t imply you’re tall. If you work at McDonald’s, don’t hint that you’re a high powered businessman.
Hopefully, your goal is to get some real world action (however that might look) with a woman. And, those lies? Well, they’ll likely come back to bite you, especially if they’re whoppers and you don’t live up to her expectations.
Also, don’t tell your life story on your profile. Keep a little mystery so the other person can have the joy of getting to know you. Plus, the more you say in your profile the more you’re going to possibly turn someone off with something you write.
On straight singles websites, the men always outnumber the women, usually significantly. I’ve seen statistics of a 5:1 ratio. So, guys are back to “real world” dating: fighting to be noticed in a crowd of other guys.
Ironically, online singles sites may even be more difficult than real life because instead of a hundred girls at a crowded club or a handful of women at the office, a guy could be fighting thousands of girls in a localized search. This means you must stand out.
Be funny and creative with your profile (but in a high value way). When you message women, show your confidence and uniqueness. A beautiful woman with an online profile may literally receive hundreds of messages a day. Yours must be different.
One good way to stick out is to be witty (even teasing her) based on her profile. It makes you look confident and funny and it shows you paid attention to her. It may not be enough to win her over, but it’ll at least get you a second look.
Get Her Out In Real Life
All online dating should be done with the real world in mind. So, whatever you do, always be moving the relationship towards real life encounters. The usual advice is to not act too quickly. That is good in one sense: you want to build sufficient rapport over message first. A friend of mine got asked out by a guy in the second message. Let’s just say he didn’t get a third message. On the other hand, I’ve had women complain to me that many guys they meet turn into texting buddies, which they don’t want either.
Strike a balance and keep the relationship moving at a steady pace. Get to know her on the app for a couple of days. Then, get her number. After that, invite her out for something non-threatening. Then, you can move more quickly, once you’ve decided you like each other.
Getting her out fairly fast is important. First, as a guy you’re at a distinct disadvantage online. Women like personality, confidence, and body language, all of which are hard to show online. Second, attractive women typically have lots of guys messaging them. You can’t wait around and let someone else get to her first.
So, get out there and date online. Be aware of the drawbacks of online dating, but use it as another weapon in your arsenal of being a successful dater.