Problems With Online Dating

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Ah, online dating. Such a great idea! Many guys think that it will solve all of their dating problems (and more).

It’s true there are many great opportunities online to meet your soul mate. However, I have to be brutally honest about the problems with online dating. There are so many issues that I only recommend online dating under certain, limited circumstances (more on that later).

So, if you want to try online dating or are currently spending money on it, this article is for you. Here are the four problems with online dating every guy should know before he starts finding women on the web.

You Can Hide Crazy

Some women are dateless in the real world and it’s not because they’re ugly. They lack dates because they are crazy. But, they may be physically beautiful. So, where do they go once they’ve burned a bunch of local bridges? Online, where they can get guys after them based on looks and temper their psycho tendencies (for awhile).

So, be on the lookout for women who are just plain bad news. Keep an eye out for the early warning signs. If she sends incoherent messages, seems a little nuts in her descriptions, and is incredibly possessive, even early on…run. Often these can come out in her dating profile too. Resist the urge to pursue her even if she is hot.

Online Dating Won’t Solve Real World Problems

If you can’t get a date in the “real world” then internet dating won’t solve your problems. Singles websites are not a cure all for guys who lack the skills to meet women elsewhere. You may be able to craft a nice welcome message and good profile, but real interaction comes sooner than later (or should).

And, you must initiate that interaction. Approaching a beautiful woman requires the same skills as doing it at a club or coffee shop. So can keeping a conversation going and making the close (i.e. getting out with her). If you’re expecting online dating to get you a date with no effort it isn’t happening.

It Gives Men A Disadvantage

Women typically are attracted to men based on more than just looks. Women like power, confidence, humor, and other more abstract traits in a man. Well, guess what traits are difficult to show online? If you said power, confidence, humor, and other abstract traits, then you’d be correct!

Online dating problems usually start with profiles. Rather than looking for the intangibles they sense when meeting a man, women go straight to the measurements, stats, and traits of their ideal man. Too short? Too bad. Your body is closer to Tom Bosley than Tom Brady? Sorry about your (bad) luck, pal.

If you’re close to perfect physically, then online dating can benefit you. If you’re not, your value as a man may be hard to express to women. And, they’ll reject you outright, before you can even prove it. Sadly, trying to show your value on the net often comes across as bragging. Tails they win, heads you lose.

The Odds Are Stacked

Almost every major internet dating site is numerically stacked against guys. The ratio of men to women on dating websites is estimated to be anywhere from around five to one to fifty to one. Obviously, the sites aren’t releasing these stats!

So, if you’re a guy, you’re not only unable to show your high value self to the girls, but you’re competing against a ton of other dudes. Even the most sausage heavy real world club isn’t that weighted against men.

Women who date online tell me they can afford to be extra picky because they get so many messages. They end up deleting the majority without reading them. They literally receive so many online “approaches” they can’t respond to all of them!

In fact one analysis of the OKCupid Dating Site found that men face fierce competition to get a woman’s attention. Attractive men barely get messaged by women. Unattractive men get nothing in the way of messages from women.

Why? Because online dating is a buyer’s market, and women are the buyers. When they have literally twenty guys messaging them each day, they can choose from the absolute best. Why would they take the effort to message an average guy, when they can choose from the ten attractive guys who just messaged them.

Problems With Online Dating

So, we’ve talked about the problems with online dating, but it’s actually not all bad news. You can (and even should) use online dating, just so it’s to your advantage. This means a few things.

First, online dating is one of many dating options you try. For example, you hit the clubs after you put up your profile or approach women at coffee shops.

Second, you have the skills to date everywhere and you’re just using your skills in another venue (online).

Finally, you behave like an alpha male in your online interactions, overcoming the inherent disadvantage online dating can give women. While you still may not have a ton of success, at least you’ll have a chance.

We have specific online dating tips for men you may like.

So, if you decide to try the net to find love, at least be aware of the problems with online dating. And, if you think you can keep yourself within the parameters of success, then go for it! Best of luck meeting new people.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.


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