When I was in high school I liked a girl I’ll call “Kate.” I’ll call her that since it was her name. Kate and I were best friends. We had fun together, took long walks, discussed life and philosophy, and had a deep bond. Later in life, she told me that she had a crush on me. I felt the same, but we never dated.
Lots of people are in similar situations. They have a best friend. They find that person attractive. Maybe the feeling is returned, maybe it isn’t. They wonder if they should make the move and actually get in a relationship with their best friend.
Confused yet? You should be since possibly dating your best friend is a great way to add complication and confusion to your life. I’m going to lay out the issues as well as solutions to answer the question: should you date your best friend?
Lose Your Friendship, Gain…?
In university, a good friend of mine had a crush on his best friend. He had harbored a secret crush for over 3 years and couldn’t contain it anymore. So, one day, he confessed his secret love for his friend. She didn’t feel the same way.
They talked about how their relationship wouldn’t change. But, it did. Instantly. She now knew that he had feelings for her and couldn’t deal with the awkwardness. He couldn’t handle the fact that the relationship wasn’t going where he wanted it (romantic). They talked and hung out a few times more, but the best friendship was dead.
If you decide you want to date your best friend, then one thing is for sure: the friendship you once knew is over and it won’t be coming back. Even if you and your best friend do both end up dating, it will be different.
If your best friend doesn’t like you back, then it’ll be like my university friend: awkward for one party and unfulfilling for the other. She knew every time they hung out that he wanted to get into her pants. He, however, died a little inside each time she mentioned a new guy hitting on her. It sucked for both of them.
If your best friend likes you back, you’re still going to lose the friendship. Romance and sex change things. If it works out, then it’s worth it and dating a friend can lead to love. If it doesn’t, then it will be nearly impossible to revert back to being best friends.
If you like your best friend and decide to date, you’re killing the friendship in one way or another. It’ll never be the same.
Should You Date Your Best Friend?
Yes, Date Your Best Friend
If your feelings are so intense that you know you need to at least try to date your friend, then you don’t want to live with regret by not trying. You don’t want to look back and wonder why you didn’t try. If the feelings seem to be mutual, then at least you’ll still have a relationship with your best friend, except this time it will be a sexual and romantic one.
Just know that it’s a big risk and you could not only not be in a relationship with him or her, but also lose the friendship. If you know you have to be honest and can’t hold back your feeling, then go for it.
Don’t Date Your Best Friend
People can find love from among their friends. However, studies suggest that it’s not as likely as you think. In fact, most people don’t date people in their friends group. So, to start, the odds are good your best friend doesn’t feel the same.
Not only that, but if the friendship is amazing should you even risk destroying it? Very few genuine friendships translate into romantic success. If your feelings aren’t strong, you’re not getting the vibe he or she likes you back, or you just don’t think it’s worth the risk, then just say no.
At that point, you probably don’t want to ruin the friendship by trying to go to the next level. Even if you do date, there’s no guarantee of success. A short, unsuccessful romantic fling isn’t worth losing a great friendship.
The Choice Is Yours
Ultimately, however, I can’t make the decision for you. You have to weigh the possible pros and cons and decide the best course of action. However, don’t make a rushed choice while horny, drunk, or depressed. This is a decision that you need to sleep on and make with a clear head.
So, while it still remains a complicated topic and decision, at least the possible upsides and downsides should be clearer now. Whatever you decide, don’t live with regret and do what makes you happy.