Dead marriages and even deader bedrooms are commonplace these days People get married for a variety of reasons and stay married for many more. Sadly, a lot of those have nothing to do with love and passion. Even marriages that start off great can die after several years.
In many cases, the partners fall out of love or stop being attracted to each other. The saddest scenarios are when one partner still feels strong love and attraction in marriage, but the other spouse simply doesn’t. I get asked by men and woman all the time: can you tell me if my husband (of wife) still loves me?
While I can’t give them exact answers, there are noticeable signs that your spouse doesn’t feel attraction anymore. But, this article is for women. So, if you’re frustrated and saying, “I want signs my husband isn’t attracted to me!” then I have some answers.
The signs here are more art than science. See them as guides to determine how he really feels about you, not absolute indicators. With that said, here are the signs!
Lack of Sex Drive
This is perhaps the biggest of the signs your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore.
Let’s face it. Men are known for their high libido. In other words, most guys are turned on pretty quickly and want a lot of sex. But, they only want it a lot with someone they find attractive unless they get desperate. You’ll need to honestly ask: what is my husband’s sex drive like?
Keep in mind that other factors can lower his sex drive, like extreme weight gain and high levels of stress. But, not wanting to have sex with you on at least a semi-regular basis is a red flag something is amiss.
There are two signs related to a lack of sex that show he’s lost some attraction to you. First, if he wants sex very infrequently, then he is probably only waiting until he’s very horny. This means he’s still attracted to you, but not like in the past (unless he’s always been like this).
Second, if he doesn’t want sex at all, then it’s a very very bad sign. If he never wants it and always turns down your efforts to get it, then it means he either doesn’t find you attractive, or he’s getting it elsewhere (or maybe both).
Closed Body Language
If he pulls away from you, generally keeps his physical distance, or has closed off body language with you, then it’s a sign that he’s not into you that much. People tend to draw close to what they like and pull away from what they don’t. We also are open to those we like and close off to those we don’t.
It could be that he’s upset with you. But, if he consistently doesn’t get close to you over a long period of time, then it’s a sign that he’s not attracted to you anymore. Body language is given mostly in the subconscious. So, even if he tells you that he thinks you’re pretty and denies he thinks you’re unattractive, he might be hiding his true feelings to be nice. His body language is a more accurate indicator.
Seeking Female Attention
I mentioned earlier the possibility that his behavior could come from cheating. However, cheating isn’t the only type of attention that would be a red flag he’s not attracted to you. Many people lose attraction, but have moral or other aversions to cheating. They might not even have a chance to cheat, but want to. That’s why you have to look at his general attention seeking behavior.
Look first for his internet habits. If he looks at adult material a lot or you suspect he might be doing it, then it could be a sign he’s lost his attraction to you. However, studies show most men look at pornography to some degree. But, if you have reason to believe he consumes a lot of it all the time, then you’ve been replaced by whatever he can find on the web.
Second, check out his social media patterns. Does he follow a lot of “models” on Instagram? Are many of his Facebook friends random women? He might be shifting his attention to other women, even if it’s just random strangers. Again, he might not be cheating, but this could indicate he’s losing attraction to you and “seeing what’s out there.”
Finally, if he gravitates towards women, whether it’s co-workers, friends, or random people out in bars and clubs, it’s a sign he’s seeking sexual and romantic attention elsewhere. He might not be getting sex or the attention he craves, but he could be trying.
So, to summarize, if he looks elsewhere for his sexual fulfillment, whether it’s through outright cheating, adult browsing habits, or trying to get around different women, then it’s a good indicator your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore. If he was fully attracted, he’d spend him time with you, not the company of other women.
Never Around You
A friend of mine used to always hang out in a local bowling alley, almost every night. He was married and someone asked him why he wasn’t home more. He joked that he didn’t like his wife. Although he tried to play it off as humorous, it revealed a lot about his feelings and his marriage.
Not all husbands are going to give their time and attention to another woman if the spark is gone. Many instead will simply jump into other projects and endeavors that keep them apart from their wives whom they find unattractive.
Guys can have legitimate hobbies, ones which might take him away from you. He could be devoted to those hobbies and still find you crazy attractive. But, if he seems to always be gone or wants to be away from you, then you have to ask, “why?”
Ways guys escape unhappy marriages are: new hobbies, going out with friends, taking up fitness activities, and anything that gets them away from the home. This is an especially strong sign if these endeavors are brand new and the behavior didn’t occur in the days when he was obviously passionate towards you.
As you process these signs, remember that nothing is absolute here. Look for patterns of behaviors and go with your gut. Chances are you already know the signs your husband doesn’t find you attractive (or does). But, this article should help you finally confirm the truth.
For more tips from the perspective of a man and a dating coach, we invite you to visit our For Women Page