When we talk dating strategy, we typically focus on the need to generate instant attraction and avoid the friend zone. These are very important tips and, in most cases, they apply. It’s because attraction isn’t a choice, but a visceral, immediate reaction.
So, if she’s not showing you attraction after a few minutes (for random encounters) or a few weeks in other settings (like work), then you probably aren’t getting anywhere and it’s time to move on.
However, there are scenarios where you’ll want to have a more long term dating strategy with women. These typically occur because of the woman’s environment, situation, or personality.
Here are a few examples where a long term strategy is necessary: she has a boyfriend, she won’t date someone she works with, she has serious commitment issues, etc.
It’s important to remember a few things if you take a more long term strategy with a certain woman. First, there has to be an attraction. So, the attraction rule still holds. In these special cases, the romance isn’t blossoming for external or emotional reasons, but the attraction must still be present. If there are no signs of attraction or romantic interest (or none on the horizon), then a long term strategy is pointless.
However, if you’re certain there’s an attraction, then pursue a long term strategy. Here are a few guidelines.
First, follow the rule of “always be closing.” You don’t want the relationship to dull or to lose sight of the ultimate goal: romance. So, continue texting the girl, flirting with her, and all the other right moves. Keep the sexual tension present so you don’t get thrown into the friend zone while you’re waiting her out.
Second, push, but not too hard. If she likes you, you’ll likely know it. But, if there’s a reason she won’t date you, respect that. So, you may be texting a woman in a relationship with a long term goal of dating if/when the two break up. You can push a little, but if you push a lot, you could have the opposite result and bring her closer together with her boyfriend. Use your common sense.
Third, be patient. Don’t get fed up in a week and stop texting or communicating. If the girl is worth a long term strategy, then pursue it. Be detached and just have fun with the relationship. See it as a bonus in your life and don’t get worked up if you temporarily “fail” with her. However…
Finally, and this is the most important tip, do not give her the best of your time and energy. You should keep up the relationship and pursue a patient strategy, but never give a non-committed girl your exclusive (or near exclusive) time and attention. Take breaks from texting her, withhold attention for periods of time, and date and pursue other women. Don’t act like you’re the boyfriend when you’re clearly not.
This is important for a couple of reasons. First, if a woman has a wall or barrier, she’ll have to break it. By being detached and making her want more of you, she’ll be more likely to break her wall and date you. Second, dating others and appearing aloof will make her jealous and maybe even start to worry that she’ll lose you. The best way to get a woman off the fence when it comes to dating is to let her know (but through actions like dating others, not words) she doesn’t have forever.
So, if you know some great women who are attracted to you, pursue a long term strategy with them. See them as a possible bonus. You put in a minimal investment for a possible long term reward. Just keep it detached and non-exclusive. But, if there is attraction, you don’t need to cut it off just because it doesn’t bear immediate fruit.