When I was in college, I liked a girl named Michelle. She friend zoned me, but, since that process takes awhile, I thought I had a chance for at least two or three weeks. Yet, when it was clear that Michelle didn’t like me in that way, I literally had a mini panic attack. My dad had to drive down to see me. I finally relaxed, but a near panic attack? Over a girl?
I’m not alone. We’ve talked many times in the past about how the brain chemistry of romantic attraction leads to obsession and even addiction. A guy who loses a girl, or thinks he’s losing her, can quite literally become borderline (or outright) mentally ill. It’s why many guys “snap” and stalk (or worse) a girl who leaves them.
Most of us, thankfully, aren’t going to snap. But, breakups or even failures to win over “the one” can still lead to lots of heartache and pain, like my mini-breakdown. I look back on my incident with Michelle with a mixture of cringing and laughter. But, at the time, it felt absolutely awful. And, my brain chemistry seemed to be controlling me.
What is the solution? There are basically two of them, both of which are difficult to achieve in the heat of the moment. The first is to be detached from the whole process. It’s hard because brain chemistry actually encourages attachment to others.
It’s important to remember when dating a girl that she is not the center of your world, your reason for living, or anything else. Or, if you’re not dating her, she doesn’t have the potential to be any of these things. If you build herself up so high and mighty in your head, then the break up or rejection will be horrific. Losing a girl? Meh. Losing the center of your universe. Yikes!
This is, of course, much easier said than done. How do you achieve detachment when dating girls? Have options. If you have women lined up or at least the potential to have women lined up, then one woman doesn’t take on the responsibility of bringing purpose and meaning to your life.
This was my problem with Michelle. At that point in my life, I wasn’t a ladies man. If Michelle flamed out, then I’d likely continue to be even more single. If I had options and an attitude of detachment, then I definitely wouldn’t have broken down over Michelle.
So, sometimes you have to let go of the women you’ve dated or had a crush on. If you have trouble with detachment and options, check out our books and this website for more information. We offer tips to be detached and get all the options you could ever want.