The Attractiveness of Security In Yourself

Image from: glennfrancispacificprodigital.com

Image from: glennfrancispacificprodigital.com

When I was in college, I went on a date with a girl. She went out of her way to tell me how much she liked me and we ended up going to the movies. I second-guessed myself throughout the entire date and she had to reassure me several times as I made awkward moves to get more physical in the theater. The next day I heard how she only “wanted to be friends.” I was insecure. She knew it and rejected me. Lesson here? Insecurity in men isn’t attractive.

Most women, when listing traits they find attractive, list dominant ones, like confidence, intelligence, wealth, and even height. I’ve never seen insecurity or uncomfortably awkward on there. Even modern, independent women seek a provider/protector ideal in men even if they don’t need it. So, most women, deep down or not so deep down, crave a guy who takes charge and is secure in himself. In other words, he must be confident and not insecure/needy.

Being sure of yourself is one key to being successful and attractive. By being secure in yourself, you are showing the world (and women) that you are confident and worth knowing and dating. You have to love and value yourself first and foremost or why would anyone else want to be with you? It’s like the salesman who doesn’t believe in what he’s selling. Unless he’s great at BS he likely won’t sell much of his product. If you are secure and value yourself, you make women want to be with you and value you too.

Insecurity manifests itself in many ways. Here are the big three: neediness, control, and showing off.

Neediness shows insecurity because a truly secure guy doesn’t really need anyone else to be happy. He should be happy with his job, hobbies, family, and friends. And, although he might like women, he doesn’t need one particular woman. He has options, so while he can love one girl, he doesn’t need to rely on one woman to be happy and desperately fear losing her.

Control is evidence of insecurity because, when we can’t “win over” someone naturally, we often resort to controlling behavior. Lots of guys fear that they will lose their women: to another guy, to singleness, to whatever. So, they try to keep tabs on them, tell them what to do, and generally boss them around. While women enjoy being dominated in some ways, they typically hate being controlled. Dominance is attractive; controlling is not. Controlling can manifest itself as jealousy, spying on a girl, always asking where she is, etc.

Finally, showing off is a big sign of insecurity. Demonstrating value is a sign a guy is secure. For example, a well-dressed guy confidently walks into a room and works the crowd. He answers questions about his job, takes an interest in other people, and even buys drinks for others. That is attractive and secure.

What isn’t attractive? A guy who makes comments at others’ expense, constantly brags about income, and flashes his wallet for everyone to see all the fifties he has tucked away. That isn’t security. It just shows that he is either faking or has no clue how to own his value and accomplishments. Security is demonstrating to the world your wealth, power, attraction and status. Insecurity is awkwardly trying to tell everyone about it and looking insecure in the process.

So, if you want to be attractive to women, then be secure in yourself. Own your accomplishments and even your flaws. In the end, it will get your dates and win you respect.

About Jonathan Bennett

Jonathan Bennett is a writer, speaker, dating expert, and business owner. His articles have been viewed millions of times, and he has been featured in a variety of publications, including the Wall Street Journal.

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