The Best Way To Be Confident? Be Relaxed

In the forest - close up of leaves with bare trees in distance

I took this when I went hiking – which relaxes me

Do you want to find the “alpha male” in a given group of guys, i.e. the most confident guy in the place?

Look for the guy that is the most relaxed.

Now, before I go on, I should note that “relaxed” doesn’t mean lifeless. I am not suggesting you find the most deadbeat, almost-asleep stoner in the room. That guy isn’t the alpha male; he is barely alive.

What I am saying is that when someone is confident in a given situation, they are relaxed. In my classroom, I am about as relaxed as they come. I always have my coffee at hand, and I call the shots. Why shouldn’t I be relaxed? Many of the students are worried about grades, getting picked on between classes, and other stresses. They don’t have many perks (no coffee – unless they sneak it!), and therefore they aren’t as relaxed. Me? I am in charge and therefore totally relaxed.

If I were to be transported to another scenario, I may not be as relaxed. If I were handed a scalpel while a guy was bleeding to death, I doubt I would be relaxed. I would show signs of anxiety and everyone could see that I wasn’t confident. An accomplished surgeon would be relaxed as he sewed up the (no longer) dying dude.

You can use this knowledge to your advantage.

In all situations, stay calm. Even if you have to fake it to a degree…

Relax. Practice relaxing if need be (taking up meditation can help; so does exercise).

In other words, be the guy who never loses your composure. If you do this regularly, your relaxed body language will telegraph that you are confident. Girls like confidence!

Beta Males, unconfident guys, telegraph that they are uptight and worried. They are anxious. Approaching girls? Anxious. Meeting new people? Anxious. Speaking in public? Anxious. Anxious dudes telegraph a lack of confidence, and when a guy lacks confidence he also tends to lack success and girls.

About David Bennett

David Bennett is author of seven self-help books, and an in-demand speaker and consultant. Over a million readers per year read his online content, and his writings have been referenced in many publications and news outlets, including Girls Life, Fox News, the New York Times, Huffington Post, and BBC. He also writes for The Popular Teen, and other sites. Follow him on Twitter.

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