When I was in my early 20s, throughout university and graduate school, I struggled mightily to get dates. And, when I did get a date, I was so desperate and out of practice, I inevitably screwed it up. It was a vicious and lonely cycle.
I tried to work on myself. I read books on the topic of seduction. I browsed the stories of others on internet forums. I posted my problems for all to see. Thank goodness this was before social media so it was and remains anonymous. I even consulted a psychologist who worked on my inner issues, but nothing else.
I had great insight into my problem. I was single because of my height, lack of perfect body, anxiety in social situations, unique interests (not bland like all the other guys), being too nice, and in classes that didn’t have a great male to female ratio. Oh, and every girl had a boyfriend. Basically, I didn’t have a chance!
If you’re not laughing by now, please do. The last paragraph is supposed to be humorous (although it’s true). Why? While some of those issues might have played into making dating more difficult, I was single for one reason and one reason only. And, it’s probably the reason that you are also single.
I didn’t ask any women out
Sure, I would talk to random women at times, after building up the nerve. And, I would sometimes awkwardly ask them out on a date. But, it was very rare. I was in college, where the female to male ratio really is skewed in favor of more women (sometimes a lot) and yet I only talked to women “at times.” I could throw out every excuse in the book, but I knew the main reason for being single.
If a guy can find a way to go up and talk to around five new women a day, and also find a way to get their number/contact info, he can be wildly successful at dating. He doesn’t even have to be a total stud. If he just has a small clue about rapport building, is decent looking, and half witty, even after a mere week of trying he might have more numbers than he can even handle.
Dating is ultimately a numbers game for men and women. And, since women are typically “the approached” and guys “the approachers,” it falls on the guys to do the work. Most guys, except for the most creepy, could easily score one date in one hundred with little or no effort. That means, approaching five new women a day (if possible), even the biggest loser should be able to get a couple dates a month.
Granted, it’s hard to do this. For some people, meeting five new women a day might be hard demographically. For most guys, meeting five women a day would be hard mentally and emotionally. Especially in the beginning, they would experience a lot of rejection. However, as they practiced and adjusted out the kinks, they would find success. Statistically, it would almost be impossible not to be successful!
Online dating has made this even more of an issue since guys can sit at home and swipe on profiles while they sit on the toilet or watch Netflix in the background. While online dating is great, it’s also more difficult than it seems. So, a lot of guys will fail in the real world, then fail at online dating, and find it even harder to meet women outside of the internet.
So, get out there are start approaching. Just do it. Will you get rejected? Yes. Will it suck sometimes? Yes. But, unless you’re around beautiful, forward women all day or hire a matchmaker, you’ll have to get to know new people.
This doesn’t mean you randomly talk to people on the street, although that can be shockingly successful. I mainly mean “putting yourself out there” by going to concerts, festivals, water parks, and other places where lots of people gather to have fun. When you’re there, talk to new people, build rapport with them, and have a good time with them. Then, you can get their number and move forward with them.
So, now that we’ve identified the primary reason that you’re single, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t waste time with excuses, forums, and complaining. Get out there and approach. Build rapport. Make the close. Pursue various options and get in the type of relationship you want (long term, etc.).
If you need help, we offer affordable dating coaching packages for motivated individuals.