When I was in college and graduate school, I seemed to be in a perpetual dating funk. Dates were few and far between. And, when I did get a date, I had no idea what to do since I was so out of practice. It was a vicious and lonely cycle.
I didn’t suffer in silence, though. I sought help. I read books on the topic of seduction. I browsed the stories of others on internet forums. I posted my problems for all to see. Thank goodness this was before social media so it was and remains anonymous. I even consulted a psychologist.
I had great insight into my problem. I was single because of my height, lack of perfect body, anxiety in social situations, unique interests (not bland like all the other guys), being too nice, and in classes that didn’t have a great male to female ratio. Oh, and every girl had a boyfriend.
If you’re not laughing by now, please do. The last paragraph is supposed to be humorous (although it’s true). Why? While some of those issues might have played into making dating more difficult, I was single for one reason and one reason only. And, it’s probably the reason that you are also single.
I didn’t approach women and ask them out.
Sure, I would talk to random women at times, after building up the nerve. And, I would sometimes awkwardly ask them out on a date. But, it was very rare. I was in college, where the female to male ratio really is skewed in favor of more women (sometimes a lot) and yet I only talked to women “at times.” I could throw out every excuse in the book, but I knew the main reason for being single.
If a guy can find a way to go up and talk to around five new women a day, and also find a way to get their number/contact info, he can be wildly successful at dating. He doesn’t even have to be a total stud. If he just has a small clue about rapport building, is decent looking, and half witty, even after a mere week of trying he might have more numbers than he can even handle.
Dating is ultimately a numbers game for men and women. And, since women are typically “the approached” and guys “the approachers,” it falls on the guys to do the work. Most guys, except for the most creepy, could easily score one date in one hundred with little or no effort. That means, approaching five new women a day (if possible), even the biggest loser should be able to get a couple dates a month. Hell, even creeps could probably get one in a hundred!
Granted, it’s hard to do this. For some people, meeting five new women a day might be hard demographically. For most guys, meeting five women a day would be hard mentally and emotionally. Especially in the beginning, they would experience a lot of rejection. However, as they practiced and adjusted out the kinks, they would find success. Statistically, it would almost be impossible not to be successful!
So, get out there are start approaching. Will you get rejected? Yes. Will it suck sometimes? Yes. But, unless you’re around beautiful, forward women all day or hire a matchmaker (we recommend these great ladies), you’ll have to approach.
We offer tips in our books Be Popular Now and Size Doesn’t Matter. The latter is a dating book for short guys, but the section on approaching, winging, etc. largely applies to everyone. Even if you can’t approach five, then try to approach one a day. Even that will greatly increase your odds of success.
So, now that we’ve identified the primary reason that you’re single, it’s time to do something about it. Don’t waste time with excuses, forums, and complaining. Get out there and approach. Build rapport. Make the close. Pursue various options and get in the type of relationship you want (long term, etc.). Our books will help with all of it if you want to take the step today.